VT Concert Craziness

WARNING: this post may will contain incoherent babbles of repeated gushings.

Apparently, it just takes some killer guitar playing, and I'll swiftly revert back to being a starry-eyed teenager all over again.

The Concert for Virginia Tech in Lane Stadium was beyond anything I could ever have imagined.

The stage, HUGE! Lighting? Absolutely breath-taking.

That it was all set up in 2 days? Crazy, indeed.

It could be argued that since I generally do things without expectations, in a sense, it ought to be quite easy to exceed them... Though, I definitely did not expect the concert to be over 5 hrs long.

So long, in fact, that I still can't believe we walked out on Dave Matthews.

I know, I know.

I'm sorry!!!

Dave Matthews, please know that I love your band and especially adore your performance style. Really, I do! It's just that I had been up and about since 8 AM. You must understand, after thoroughly enjoying 5 hours--no matter how exhilarating and soul-shaking--by 11 PM, I was rather drained.

But drain oh-so worth it!

My ears went gloriously numb. I swear the bass of the drums could be heard reverbating in the core of my body.

Then again, that also might've been my stomach growling from hunger.

Jeez, I don't know how the freshman do it. Must be the aid of alcohol. Seriously, though. While it's a concert in a football stadium, it doesn't mean it's like football where you pre-game.

It's a recovery concert.

You don't get so drunk you're arrested. Sheesh, people!

Anyhow. I really enjoyed watching Dave Matthews Band perform. And, how utterly enamored I am with John Mayer after this! You could tell that they really enjoyed performing together. All the instruments, saxophone, drums, guitar.

...speaking of the guitar--my god! John Mayer's hands are amazing.

I repeat. Uh-mazing.

In my teens, I never quite understood the female obsession with male guitarists. For some reason, it's different now that I'm in my twenties.

Let me tell you, do I understand it now. Completely.

See, I've always enjoyed listening to John Mayer and had a rough idea of what he looked like, but I've never really seen him. I like to fall in love with the music and voice first. Because if it doesn't happen that way, sometimes I'll get to wondering...

...do I like this artist because of his talent or because he's so damn cute?

So, really it shouldn't come as a surprise that when I saw and heard Bob Reynolds (touring with John Mayer) for the first time last night, I was a goner.

Boy, am I charmed by this smooth and suave saxophonist.

For your viewing pleasure (though mainly, for my own =P), here are some pictures of him below:

My heart is an old-fashioned romantic, I adore jazz. Totally in deep.

Hm, and my voice is slightly hoarse--it could sound sexy...could also make me sound like a guy. I woke up this morning thirty minutes before I was to be at Judicial to do my office hours, and had no time for a shower!

Which means I'm rocking two braids...

And, my Fisherman's Daughter hat.

Ohh, my friends know this hat well.

Yeah, it has its own story. Don't worry, it'll be told one of these days.

Why It's Different

I've so many topics I want flesh out into full-fledged posts... but I can't make this a side note. Neither can I wait until later.

I can't afford to give into my defense-coping mechanism this time around now that I recognize it.

April 16th. It's been a frequent topic of late in my life.

Particularly since this week we got sent 2 Security Notice emails on what seems to be a continuing incident. I know exactly how I'd have felt if this happened before 4/16. I would've thought, "Well, that's random and jeez, what a weirdo!"

I'd have shrugged it off in the next heartbeat.

But I can't do that any more. My guard can't help but be up, and I'm waiting...for what? A tentative fear flirts in the back of my mind. Because nothing is ordinary, even as life goes on... Life is different.

For the record, I've complete faith that all the different police forces working together are doing their utmost to protect our community. They're every inch deserving of our respect and gratitude. I remember the Morva incident last Fall (also a Monday) on the first day of school. How some students took the opportunity of cancelled classes to hang out and play volleyball while the police were searching for Morva. Granted it was a beautiful sunny day, and Morva was quickly labeled off as that crazy kid off his rocker. I understand we are college students, and simply tend to go with the flow, even if it's somewhat bizzare. In fact, Facebook groups along the lines of "I survived Morva" were already being created!

But all that pissed me off. I felt it was so very disrespectful. An officer (Officer Sutphin) was killed early that morning while protecting our safety. It was my first week as a Resident Advisor (really, all things imaginable and un-imaginable happened to Res Life last year), and I was thankful my residents respected my wishes, our police, and the university lockdown.

I remember going to Officer Sutphin's memorial service Thursday.

How in making sure all my residents were okay with what happened, I had forgotten to make sure I was. There I was sitting in the pew, just listening. Honoring his life. Then I couldn't stop crying and crying, realizing belatedly that I forgot to bring tissues. It hadn't occurred to me that I might've needed them.

This is how I cope. I need to be forced to let it all out. To deal with the aftermath repercussions.

The day of April 16th, a girl came knocking outside of our dormitory's exit nearest to my room. Her boyfriend had been shot and he was hiding with her friend behind the tennis courts next to Cassell. In the face of all her extreme distraught, I became extremely calm by default. She thrust her phone into my hands. I verified her boyfriend's location. She wanted to know if she could take him to hospital and would the police prevent her since they had blocked off all streets (like I said, she was really and understandably distraught). The moment I said of course, that she can and should...she was running back to the tennis courts.

I never got her name.

My cell phone wasn't working of course, so I used the campus phone to notify the police. Then, it was time to let my supervisor know (she was in another building) and that's when all the adrenaline I had put on pause started rushing in, full-forced. My heart was running a mile a minute. And, I was pratically incoherent, stuttering like a broken record over sentences, as I told her what had happened.

After April 16th, I refused to watch or read any media for rest of school. I had residents to take care of, friends to simply be with. Classes were cancelled for the week, but I had duty the night of the Candlelight Vigil. I also took emergency duty for one of my staff, so I only went home for 2 days that week. I didn't mind at all, in fact I wanted it to be that way. I was in the mode, you see. A zombie. Supportive and empathetic, yes, but a walking zombie nonetheless.

Basically, I didn't fully mourn until I finally came home in May.

I appreciate all the positive changes that have resulted because of our university's tragedy (though, still skeptical of spending $22 million on a building). Even the frenzy of playing blame-game has its benefits because when people ask questions, seek answers...holes in the system are receiving due attention.

As a collective, my friends and I have recovered from the worst of the aftermath. But we are still recovering. We are comforted to see our mixed, complex feelings reflected in each another's eyes.

Unable to explain. Just understood.

April 16th is a part of my subconscious. It's a memory, lessons I will carry for the rest of my life. However, the warning alerts about this a guy around campus brings that subconscious to the forefront, into my conscious thoughts. It makes me want to go into that mode again.

Thankfully, writing can be a form self-therapy.

We Did Prevail

They have those words printed on the glasses at Sharkey's.
I want one!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, since I'm no longer an university official (Resident Advisors are considered as such), I feel more comfortable writing about my observations/opinions. And, one of these days I'll publish a post about that day and what I did--I didn't before because RAs weren't allowed to talk to the media (ack, I know, as if personal blogging counts, lols).

And, THIS I gotta share.

We have a police officer making rounds around the Drillfield. Which sounds pretty routine right? Right. We had that before April 16th (albeit less frequent compared to now).

...but he was on a Segway.

I'll try to get my hands on a picture to show. They're these really nifty white ones. I think there might be some logo of sort, didn't quite catch it since I was busy trying to pick up my dropped jaw.

First time I caught a glimpse I was on the phone with my mom and I just started sputtering. I think I laughed in surprise. Our university has changed so much since my freshman year, and I'm not talking just about the tragedy. However, it does seem like it always takes an event to speed up change. Breaks my heart when it has to be tragic. Other less publicized, but just as transforming changes have ocurred years before. And, HELL yeah I'm still bitter that they chopped off unannounced that gorgeous big old tree to build another engineering building. I wanted a chance to protest.

But back to the segway...because it still blows my mind. Kath summed it up best with her usual dry humor, "They must feel so powerful, all they need to do is lean forward." We laugh of course because that's what you do when you hit upon some absuridity of life, even though I'm sure we both feel soothed by the show of support.

Still, it's really...weird.

Police presence is so high on campus--in addition to our own University police force, the Blacksburg police, we now have the state police. That's another thing I miss about my RA work, the close interaction with the police force. They're such sweethearts. Just this morning, one stopped by the Judicial Office to "get a break from the heat" and chat while I was doing my judicial office hours. He was so friendly and really yapping it up in cute southern twang.

However, afterwards it did make me wonder if with all the extra police here...they must feel sort of bored at times.

I mean, I as much as I love Virginia Tech, I can imagine that it can get old watching the freshman with their brand spanking new bookbags go wander circles because every building looks the friggin' same. Deer-in-the-headlight look is quite hard to miss. So is the loud obnoxiousness.

Okay, I'm being mean. I actually don't mind freshman so much. Really, most have grown on me. Especially since last year practically all my residents were freshman--one of the best gifts they gave still give me is their unbridled enthusiasm...for everything.

"Joanne!!!!! When are you gonna come visit our apartment??? It looks so cute, you have to see it!!!!!"

"Joanne!!!!! Why aren't you an RA anymore?? But you were the coolest one!!!!"

"Joanne!!!!! You're taking the Human Sexuality course?? That's so awesome....we wanted to, but it was full!!!!!"

"Joanne!!!!! You promised that you'd party with us when you were no longer our RA, remember?"

Haha, as you can see. Verrrry refreshingly...energizing!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, all the exclamation points in the world are not enough to convey. Chatting with them is like taking a shot of expresso.

Hm. Make that a double-shot. =)

A Lazy Buddhist Ignores At Own Peril

“We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.” –Ronnie D. Laing

After personalizing my google homepage, it has become the source of many a gratifying distraction. I get a new quote every time I refresh! National Geographic picture of the day, ooohhs! Word of the day, aaahhs! And, for the agnostic mind, daily horoscope as well. Scusi, I meant...as well, eee! (the jaded cynic is getting the best of me, bite me--I'm sad and tired today)

Every once in a while, the generic horoscope is so damnably relatable...

Horoscope for Cancer: Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

You might be somewhat uneasy today as emotions come to the surface. You may be stimulated by new ideas in ways that could threaten your stability, but it's not smart to avoid the new information. In order to take something to the next level, you will need to be flexible enough to let go of what you currently have and trust your instincts.

Now see, I was raised in a home that did well not ignore coincidences, especially the coincidences, and omens in life. Superstition never ruled our life, per se. However, the general rule of thumb was that if you happen to see it, you’d do best to pay attention to what it could mean…otherwise, why else would it chose to cross your path?

It’s a very Buddhist way of thinking, but I am, well, more the laidback sort. Although, I believe the technical term could be…Zen. But, you see I happen to really like the idea calling myself a “Lazy Buddhist.” Ha.

I’m attempting to cheer myself up because I discovered some disturbing news first thing this morning. Oliv is not returning to Res Life staff next year. Why am I always the last to know these things? Damn it. It was so unexpected, too…everyone assumes I’m already in the know for some reason. Oliv had told me that she had a gift for me, and the contents of the card that accompanied it…tore my composure to pieces.

(In a pretty mini-card so wonderfully Olivia)
“Jo, I feel so bad that I did not come back to cover duty that Friday & Sat and that you in turn had to instead. Your strength of character and endurance during this time has absolutely amazed me, and thanks again for taking care of me recently—your concern and hugs were a huge comfort. As you have heard I’m not going to be an RA next year—and I’m really going to miss you… But your presence on this staff has been such a blessing, and I will treasure the times & conversations that we have had immensely. I love you! ~Olivia.

GAH. Aww, how I do love Oliv!


In moments of rationality, I know that this’ll be the best choice for her, and I’m happy for that. Yes, perhaps even a bit envious. On the downside, she is the last of the people I'm closest to on my staff.

Honestly, next year is starting to look depressing. Or maybe, this year was just too amazing??

*sigh*