the laid.back Buddhist has MOVED...back!

Sunday, July 8

Two Brick Walls Nodding

This is the problem with being both the emotional feeler and the analytical thinker. On one hand, I feel too much and too deeply. On the other, I think too hard and too long... It pretty much sets the perfect stage for a never-ending battle between the two selves.

So then, when I somehow hit upon an epiphany worth mentioning in eloquent This-Fish style, the Nerd Egotist in me simply can't wait to, boast.

I think you’re torturing yourself.
I think you’re right.
The whole point of playing devil’s advocate here is to have a DEBATE. So you can figure things out.
Well, I got tired of it.
You knew this would eventually happen…
Yeah, I knew.
Will you stop agreeing! What happened to the girl who won’t go down without a fight?
I told you, she got tired.
Then pick yourself up, you hear?
And, is it so easy…to just cut it like that?
It’s not only easier to, but better for you. The cleaner the cut, the less of a scar.
Whoa. Wait, please say that again.
I said. The cleaner the cut, the less of a scar.
Hot damn, you're absolutely brilliant!
Of course. Now put some gutsy spirit back into yourself. It’s boring to talk to someone who has lost her wits.
I haven’t lost my wits, mind you. I just…lost my heart.
You mean a broken, useless heart?
It can be fixed...I think.
You're better off building a new one.
No...not a new one.
Oh, now this is interesting. Dare I believe we're back to debating?
Only because you're wrong. I can't erase the scars, it'd negate the whole point of going through all that pain.
Point being?
That I'm better off using the experience to build a better, stronger heart.
Atta girl.

I struggled because I know that when I finally do say good-bye, it’s for good. And, on some level, I didn't want to...though it was obvious (even to myself) that I needed to.

So I s'pose this turned out to be a good epiphany after all.

2 Musing(s):

Unknown said...

Yeah, I know it's a pretty old post but in a timeless manner I'm going to comment anyhow. Just because time sucks, you know.

And I couldn't help myself because I really, really recognize myself in this, you've done a good job putting it into context there. Thinking too hard and feeling too much at the same time can be good or bad depending on the situation. But have you ever asked yourself if you'd really want it any other way?

I'd love to talk (as in write) to you some time. If you want, I bet you can find my email in 10 seconds using Google.

Joanne said...

Daniel: Totally agree, time is irrelevant online sometimes. Let's hash it out.

Winston Churchill