the laid.back Buddhist has MOVED...back!

Monday, August 27

What's The Rush

Am I missing something? Why are all my friends getting engaged?!

I thought I had a couple more years before that started happening.

Oh, wait. It has been a couple more years.

Still, it feels surreal. Really, have I already matured to the age where getting a boyfriend can translate into getting a fiancé?



Jeez, Time flies. It seemed like only a short 2 months ago, I finally was able to legally drink.

Oh, wait. That was 2 months ago. So, what's the rush?

I'm mulling over this particular question because today I had the pleasant surprise (read: hour-long detour) of "yapping it up" with Holly.

Now let me digress for a moment—

As I am utterly compelled to express just how much I ADORE this spunky curly-haired sensation. We are so different on paper, but in my hearts of hearts...she is like an older sister. I value her judgement as much as I enjoy making her laugh. When chatting so intensely that we forget our ice cream bars are melting, I am ever more reassured that I have not made certain realizations too late...but, in fact, am making such decisions later in my life at the right time. For me. Whether it's academic, familial, health-wise, or personal. She is that kind of an inspirational friend. She's that supportive. That real.

Well, we finally got around to saying good-bye when Holly suddenly asked me,

"You probably know about Megan, right?"

"Yeah!" Then I pause when I realize haven't had time to catch up with Megan since my summer social-life hiatus, "Wait, what...?"

"She's engaged."
[insert flip-out session of surprised happiness]

After recovering, I exclaimed, "I knew this was going to happen! Only I didn't expect it quite so soon."

"I know, I could tell she really wanted this last year."

I nod. Jim's not only a good man, but really good for Megan. Actually, they're really good for each other. I clearly remember the whole saga of last year, especially crying tears of joy over his sweet letter of confession (finally!) to Megan. I swear, Res Life staff last year should've been part of its own TV drama series.

Anyhow. Apparently people get engaged when I re-initiate my social life the first week back to school. Megan takes the personal tally count to a whopping 3. Which doesn't seem like a lot, but when you've never had a friend (or cousin for that matter since I'm on the older side of that generation spectrum for my family) be engaged, it practically seems like a quantum leap!

I mean it is definitely extremely heartwarming to see several of my good friends find It with someone. I'm not exactly sure how to explain what that is since I've never experienced it myself. However, I've seen it happen to people I care very much about. I'm seeing it happen to one of my friends, even though she doesn't know it herself!

And, I'm lucky enough to see it in my parents' own marriage.

Despite all of my parents' still teenage-angst-like fights (you'd think they'd tone it down a tad after passing fifty...maybe there's something else to be said for college sweethearts). Admittedly, it does make for some high expectations. Though only because I know finding, creating, living that high of love is actually possible. That it's worth the wait, and search.

And, okay! I'll admit that a part of me is a bit envious. It's that kind of good-natured envy I have for all my friends who always knew right off the bat exactly what they wanted to do with their life (career-wise). But of all of Life's lessons, of the most valuable is learning how to accept patience. Developing a yoga mind has helped a LOT with this.

So most people are really surprised to discover I've never had a boyfriend.

And, that until last fall, I had never been kissed.

I mean, even my kid sis—five years younger than yours truly—had her first kiss before me (some poor boy named Billy is on my Protective Older Sister Watch list). Looking back in 20/20 hindsight, it probably has something to do with me being a tomboy who'd punch any boy who tried to peck me at recess and then me being the oblivious bookworm nerd who attracted guys too shy to make a move worth following-up on... Although, it being middle and high school might've helped explain it.

As of right now, I know I'm only just starting to further realize (and accept) the complexities of my own self. So, I'm currently satisfied with—if not a bit apprehensive of—remaining patient until right timing meets opportunity.

So, my lucky friends. I'm all ears...who's wedding cake ought I plan on eating next?

14 Musing(s):

xtina said...

Jo, brace yourself.

I, too, am engaged.

=P

Ahh...
Right person, wrong time.
Wrong person, right time.

One of these days there'll be a Mr. Right with his impeccable timing.
You'll see.

mikkers said...

i totally agree with you on the feeling that everyone is rushing the clock on getting engaged. I'm from a small southern town and when I went home for the summer to begin working with my father, I was floored at the amount of people I recognized who walked in and already were married and/or had children.

for myself at least, i want a few more years to be "me" and not have to worry about the maturity of a family. i want to be able to mess up a bit without sacrificing the happiness of people who depend on me. just the other day i found out yet another of my highschool friends had become engaged.

"30 is the new 20!" one of my childhood friends said when i told her, "where's the rush?"

where is the rush, indeed! my mom gladly calls each time she unearths some bit of engagement gossip and while i don't necessarily care (because living out of state does remove you from the immediate attention of your graduating class and i was never much of a social butterfly to begin with), i am still flummoxed at how many people want to get that ring on their finger as fast as they can.

and it makes me feel old too. i'm just 21 (almost 22, eep!) and i feel the weight of being an adult.

Erina Hart said...

Hello, Joanne. I adore your blog. The layout is great and your material is even better. I had to link put a link up to it. I hope you don’t mind.

I’m twenty-one and not engaged. I suppose I missed the bandwagon. However, all of my friends are getting engaged, and I feel the same way you do. Why is everyone rushing?

My best friend has since changed her mind, but she once claimed that she wants to have kids, a family, and a home in the next two years (she is 22). The only quirk to this story is that she does not have a boyfriend! She doesn’t even have a love interest! Society puts too much pressure on the young (especially young women) to get married.

Don’t rush yourself. You still have plenty of time.

dcr said...

There seems to be peer pressure in marriage too. Once your friends start getting married, inevitably, they develop a compulsion to try to get all their single friends married off too.

At that point, you really get some insight into what they really think of you, based on who they think would be perfect for you.

David said...

It was so crazy how people rushed to get married on 07-07-07! You need to pick an auspicious day to get married; that's why everyone rushes to get married in the summer! Also I thought less people are getting married at a younger age.

Kyla Bea said...

I know exactly what you mean. I'm 22 and while I live with my boyfriend we're not planning to get married any time soon. I take no issue with people who are excited to get married and who are getting it happening, but I do have one concern:

Very few of my friends who are engaged talk about how excited they are to BE married, instead they talk about how excited they are to GET married.

Young or old, it's that kind of talk that seems to be missing the point!

Joanne said...

Vy: Ahh, I know you too well...didn't even blink an eye at that comment! =P Irony holds some truth...Mr. Right also needs to be Mr. Right-Timing.

Miki: I'm all for a long engagement and taking things slow, enjoying them for where we are at this point in our lives. It's the fact that people can be so *sure* that they've already found the one! And, hahaha...yeah, my mom's been dropping hints about my non-existent boyfriend and asks LOADS of questions about every single one of my guy friends!

Erina: I completely agree on the added societal pressures on the young, modern woman of today. What's considered attractive nowadays is Superwoman--she has the career, is independent, confident in her own style, and knows all the domestic etceteras as well…I mean, can you imagine the type of pressure put on all females to live up to this new ideal without suffering consequences??

Dan: That's a very good point. Luckily most of my good friends know better than to try to label me off (when I can't even do it myself!).

David: Oh yeah, I remember that day! Although, I can understand the obsession...Asian culture is big on the number 8 (and 9, 6!).

Kyla: Exactly! Marriage, like love, is an active process...it's not the end-all, be-all. I'm relieved though that at least I know my engaged friends have that kind of mature love it takes. Although, seeing it also makes me inspired, hopeful, envious and scared to pieces all at the same time!

JR's Thumbprints said...

It's easier to cope with marriage once you've reached the legal drinking age.

cooper said...

I've always been out of that loop as a long term relationship is not in my near future. I am always amazed to see friends my age ( 22 ) talking about marriage and potential children.

I'm on a different timeline.

YogaPeace said...

Yup... had my share of wedding cakes.

I am past all the wedding cakes... now is the time for friends' kids birthday! ( so go figure how old I am... I have been told I look like 25 though! yey! must be the yoga... )

I love kids... but not when family of your friends start giving you looks that "is she married yet?"

OM~
Lesley

Sarcasm Abounds said...

Well, Joanne, you are welcome to a slice my wedding cake. However, it's been in the freezer for nearly 5 years, so, not sure how it's going to taste. . .

SA

Rolando said...

Everyone is right, take your time and make sure Mr. Right is right for you.

Don't settle for less of the standards you've set for yourself. I'd saw go by your feelings, but feelings are deceiving. I know it's much more complicated than that, such as life is.

Rolando

Bobby said...

You have a great blog and I'm glad I stopped to read some. I've been looking for Mrs.Right it seems all my life and still haven't found her. You are so young and definetly should be careful and take your time. I lost hope of ever finding someone around a year ago but have since regained my faith. I am 41 years old and I have had people tell me to give up and just accept the fact that I will stay alone forever. I didn't listen and I know I will find her. The good thing is I look younger than some of my friends children so I can smile about that. I have faith you'll find a guy who will be perfect for you. BTW, it is very nice to meet you:)

Joanne said...

JR: Haha, so I’ve heard from others! ;)

Cooper: I agree. I mean, I know raising a family would be something I will LOVE, but that’s not what I want now. It is definitely being on a different timeline, but as long as it’s one’s own…I’ve no problem with it!

Lesley: Haha! Yeah, yoga, eating right, taking care of your body, and being happy definitely pays off. People drop their jaw when they discover my mom’s 53. I’ve friends who say I’ve got good genes, but I know it’s not all genes…

SA: Oh, jeez. I’m not sure how’d it look, either. Or, smell for that matter. What an assault on the senses your invitation is!

Rolando: Feelings are deceiving. I think it’s a mix of gut feeling/intuition, emotions, and judgment. Very complicated, indeed. It’s all about taking a chance while having faith in yourself…and in life, despite all the complexities!

Bobby: I’m definitely still a young’un, but I think life doesn’t reach its prime until the 40’s and 50’s. So, see there’s so much I want and need to experience. And, I find it absolutely wonderful that you believe so much in yourself. Celebrating the love for yourself is rarer than (but just as valuable as) finding than true love or true friendship.


IF YOU'RE GOING THROUGH HELL, KEEP GOING.
Winston Churchill