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Thursday, September 20

Why Asian Guys Can't Get White Girls

Sooo...

A friend of mine sent me a hilarious YouTube video a few weeks ago via email and I was ordered by him to say whether or not I agreed with it.

It's long (15 min?), but definitely worth watching.

I would've like to used Revver to upload with instead since Dan has explained why it's better than YouTube, but this vid wasn't on there.





Very well-done, huh?

I love it when humor is used to hash out stereotypes, or any other complex subject for that matter. It's funny because there is some truth to it.

From my own personal standpoint, I've crushed on guys of all races pretty evenly. I've fallen for guys who are VERY different from each other. I don't have a type per se and don't think anyone could (or should) have one. Regardless, I know I'm attracted to guys who've shared certain qualities and characteristics, or I s'pose...a mix that I really liked. That worked for them and for me (obviously!).

Vy thinks I'm going to end up with a non-Asian guy because Asian guys tend to be intimidated by me. That or they become like brothers to me... But I think it's generalizing the situation too much, as it depends on the guy and whether he makes a move I think is worth following-up on.

Or, if I'm intrigued enough to pursue something more on my own.

For example?

Last spring, I was sent a dozen mail-order lavender roses with a typed anonymous note:


"A beautiful lovely lady like yourself deserves roses like these."

As the very first time being given flowers, I was flattered, extremely surprised, grateful, and very, very intrigued, to say the least. And truthfully, I was also a tad intimidatedI mean, $73 is rather hefty chunk of money!

Well, I called up the flower company so they could relay the message to Mr. Anonymous that I'd like to know who he was. And as Vy joked, to see if it was a he. 3 days later, I got my answer through (1) a Facebook message that (2) sent mixed signals. Apparently, he called the 12 long-stemmed roses a "sign of recognition" because I had mentioned the previous weekend that I had hell-week right before Spring Break.

Now, I thought that was a really sweet gesture (despite being somewhat extravagant) and I know it took a lot of courage to reveal himself...

But it put my guard up.

I was willing to give him a chance since it's difficult to judge a person when we were only acquaintances (co-workers in the same area), but the timing was all wrong. He was right in thinking that I'd be interested in seeing Joe Turner's Come and Gone (as my leadership group was working alongside another theater arts project to deal with diversity and stereotype issues). But the poor guy really botched up in asking me (very last minute, via Facebook, and with the same confusing signals). After I wrote back, he apologized and explainedagain, through Facebookthat he had written it while "ya, drunk."

Hmmm. Ya, no.

He followed up the next day with a phone call to apologize again, but things were already at the bottom of the hill for me.

I understand that too much, too soon can be bad thing, especially if unwanted or if the other person was not ready for it. However, it came off as insecure, unsure, and frankly somewhat sketch. I admire it a lot when guys have the courage to be more direct (or indirectly consistent), albeit in a respectful, tactful way.

It's also something I appreciate in my friendships, both male and female.

And for myself, I don't mind asking a guy out on a date...and have done so before on occasion.

It's not a good idea to stereotype someone for a just because, and I definitely wouldn't use one as a deal-breaker. Although, I do have to admit Vy is somewhat right...a white guy tends to have more of the qualities that would not only first attract my attention, but also keep it.

Then again, who's to say an Asian guy wouldn't as well?

Either way that's got nothing to do with race, but who that guy is as an individual.

37 Musing(s):

jon said...

I've enjoyed my relationships with my Asian girlfriends, however, in all but two cases their parents have made it abundantly clear that they refused the prospect of our permanent cohabitation within the bonds of holy matrimony, and of course, subsequent progeny ... and not because I lack character either, but for other reasons.

Re: Moving too fast. It's the kiss of death.

Unknown said...

you just hate asians! i know it! you self hater!

lol jk

i dated a white girl for a really short period, but she was psycho... so maybe thats why asian guys cant get asian girls.. bc theyre all friggin crazy and we're just smart enough to realize it ;)

Anonymous said...

Yeah I'm color blind, even in text, so I don't know what you are talking about really :\

why does it matter where you came from? I just don't get it.

me said...

Loved the video.

I believe I merely agreed with you about Asian guys being intimidated by you.

For me, stereotyping serves more as a guide than anything else. It's not meant to brand people as being or acting a certain way, least of all based on first impression alone. Besides, it's always a pleasant surprise when the ones being stereotyped catch you off guard.

Now, people who stereotype just for the sake of stereotyping, on the other hand, tend to become prisoners of their own narrow-mindedness.

mikkers said...

i have seen this youtube vid before, but seeing it all over again was hilarious. Ofcourse, you know the real reason *most* asians girls date white and black guys...it's the size!

lol.

Seriously, for me, I am a bit racist in my preferences. It's all fine and dandy for me to date anyone regardless of color or ethnicity, but when I want to settle down and get married I want to be with an asian guy. It doesn't have to do with superiority as much as heritage. lacking any sort of past myself and feeling adrift in not knowing anything about what makes *me* "asian" i want my kids to have a sense of who they are and to belong to a community.

but that doesn't mean i would look down on multi-racial relationships because that really is none of my business. whatever floats your boat i say!

me said...

Also...

You're right. Who the guy is as an individual is the main thing.

But heritage and racial identity are important factors that are hard to overlook. After all, it's not just how you see yourself but also how others see you. It's not so much caring about what other people think as it is feeling like a part of an ethnic group. Having a sense of self is very important, especially growing up. (Awkward teen phase come to mind? Just me? Okay.)

Do you think a person could ever feel truly complete being half of a race?

When it comes to settling down and having kids (if and when that should happen), I'm hoping for it to be with an Asian guy. Consider it a preference if you will. I'd certainly make damn sure my kid is more connected to his/her roots than I ever was.

But I suppose when it comes to choosing a life partner happiness is what we all strive for, race aside.

To each his own.

Sarcasm Abounds said...

Jeez, no one ever sent ME flowers.

However if it was unsolicited and more or less a stranger, I would also flee the scene. Creepy.

SA

Joanne said...

Jon: That’s unfortunate to have happened. I think my parents would place higher value on whether or not I was happy. Especially my mom, it’s important for her to see that the guy is a man with a good heart and treats me well. Race is not so much a factor as is a guy from a TOO-different background (family upbringing, social economic background). This may be the traditional side of her, but in Chinese culture, unions between families who are “door-to-door” are considered to be more favorable, to have happier and less stressful marriages.

Vinh: Ohh, you punk! Thanks for calling me crazy, yo.

Brent: I agree, it shouldn’t matter. Love is not so much blind as it is unconditionally accepting.

Vy: I knew you’d enjoy it. I wanted to show you when I was sent it, but held off since I knew I was going to post about it. Stereotyping is a lot of missed opportunities. It’s why I usually give people second chances (now third and fourth is another matter). I think I’m more used to seeing it, since I’m mixed Chinese (Man, Han, Taiwanese, Mongolian…one part from each grandparent). Plus, we faced a similar duality growing up as Asian Americans, you know? Since my cultural roots are a HUGE part of who I am today, I think that regardless of which ethnicity I settle down with…I’ll pass it on to my children. I feel it’s something beautiful when two cultures can successfully intertwine into something new. Belonging to a sense of a community (like MIKI wrote) is important developmentally for children, but I think it’s much more important for my kids to have their own sense/brand of unique individuality, whatever that may be.

Miki: I see and understand what you mean. I know of people (and this is especially true for my Korean friends) who will not marry out of their ethnicity because of the racist stigma their subsequent children face in Korea (Koreans are more ethnically pure than even the Japanese!). As you know, I don’t like limiting myself with expectations…life is very unpredictable and surprising.

A world that i've seen said...

swear to god it's a good shit! hilarious but meaningful!
thanks for sharing :)

Rolando said...

I'd have to agree with Jon, parents have a huge impact on the longevity of the inter-relationship, especially with Asians.

I've been with Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, and Koren women (different times) and even though their mom's like me, they always had a message to their daughters to keep their options open to be with someone from their own culture.

Very sad, but their parents were old school. :)

Can Asian guys get White girls? I'd say it depends, hahaha.

conan_cat said...

ooo, never knew things like this exist in the US too! hehe. i live in malaysia, where the chinese malays indians punjabis arabs caucausians as well as our own aboriginals all live together. and race is a major issue here. everyone will throw you a face when a chinese goes out with a malay or indian. really, it's not common here for interacial relationships. when they really is one we salute them for their bravery (or the *old schools* will detest them for *losing their culture in favor of the other*)

but really, why race should be a problem for relationship? size matters more! *runs away*

conan_cat said...

oh yeah, thanks for the link! i linked to your page too :D

Anonymous said...

As usual, I suppose, I'll respond a little differently...

I have no idea what the racial makeup of my progeny might be. But, I hope that they will feel complete and whole as people because they will (I sincerely hope!) have two parents who love each other for who and whatever they are and that they too will be loved for who and whatever they are.

I hope that they will learn not to value themselves by how others may see them. I hope that the culture that they will value most will be that created for them by the blending of my and whatever other family resulted in their birth. I hope that they will learn that what matters most is not where they came from but where they are going, that the communities that matter most are those that they help to shape or create. I hope that they will know that people that judge them by anything other than the content of their character are people to be pitied and not esteemed.

I hope that they will also know that no matter what obstacles or harshness or prejudice they may face, they will never be alone.

Anonymous said...

Great Vid. I guess Asian guys are boring, that's why others are taking advantage of that! Or maybe it has something to do with our faces..

Anonymous said...

Love is blind and carries a large stick. It is like a movie with the Rock.

StHalcyon said...

That's funny... I blogged about that video last year. The guy with the t-shirt with Chinese words on it did it for his cinematography class at UCLA, I think. YouTube made him a celebrity! =)

Since I can't read Chinese, my friend told me that those words on his blue t-shirt meant: White People Can't Read This. And you know what's funny? In last season's Beauty and the Geek, one of the geeks was wearing that same t-shirt! It was so funny!

By the way, this Asian boy (aka moi) ain't boring! But then again, on a serious note, as a half Taiwanese and half Malaysian who did not grow up in either country, I am what they call a third world kid: someone who cannot identify with one culture but has a mish-mash of several backgrounds. It's kinda funny that I broached this subject a couple times in my blog, with the most recent one just yesterday while flying home from Seattle.

Sometimes I have a yearning to marry a Chinese just for the sake of getting back with the culture, but at the same time, I hate the idea of limiting myself in that regard when it comes to dating. I want to date people for their personality who can match mine: outgoing, outspoken, athletic, the ability to talk politics and debate, et cetera.

I've dated only white girls in my life, but don't get me wrong here. It's not that I'm not attracted to Chinese girls, or that I hate Asians or Chinese, but for the most part, I get reverse-discriminated against! Apparently, not knowing how to read/write Chinese is a big no-no, because I always get looked down upon. No matter what I do for a living, Chinese girls just don't see me as marriage material simply because I know barely anything about my own culture, much less read/write Chinese. I've been called a banana so many times that it's now hard for me to approach Chinese girls, or if I do, I have this struggle inside me of whether I should reveal myself in a lacking capacity.

Ugh!!!

Anonymous said...

The funny thing is that I think there are biases towards anyone in any dating relationship.

Maybe it is the racist friend. Maybe it is the girl who thinks that guy is no good for her bff. Maybe it is the case of two people from two different class levels.

The good thing is I think we have gotten to the point where inter-racial dating is not really a big deal. It is a lot more common these days.

I may not comment much but your blog is in my feed reader. I read every post. As a humor writer, most of my blogs I read are almost always about comedy. It is nice to have a blog like yours that is reflective and thought-provoking in the mix. :)

mikkers said...

muahaha. i have never heard of anyone being called a "banana" but I know this guy who I met in my freshman year who I call "twinkie" because he is so white inside! I mean, sometimes I forgot what his real name is...but it's more of an affectionate term since we've known each other so long. and hey, he's dating a white girl, so goo him!

Anonymous said...

It seems your Mr. Anonymous depended on Facebook a bit too much. He must have been terrified of you rejecting him. He seems to be a bumbling, shy mess. I can’t blame him.

The video was humorous. The part with Andrew and the peanut butter cracked me up. The creator must have achieved an exceptional grade in his UCLA class.

Anonymous said...

I cannot agree with you more with the "type" situation. I don't believe that people should have types. In high school, specifically, I would hate having to hear about the girls who wouldn't go out on a date with a guy who genuinely was interested in them and could definitely show them a good time and respect them as people and as women, but would hang around with the guys carrying themselves like asses and having keg parties because they were "cooler" or more into the "social scene." It turned my stomach, really. So I cannot agree with you more. If someone seems genuine and can respect you for the person that you are and never ask you to change something about yourself, no matter where they stand (as long as they aren't 40 and still living with their parents, of course) I say go for it.

Suzie said...

so next time..send the flowers and the guy over to my place

Anonymous said...

This video is hilarious. I have friends who have ribbed me about dating asian girls, but they never seem to notice when I'm seeing someone who's NOT asian... it only seems to matter when someone sees me with an asian girl.

I've seen the t-shirt before... one of my "girlfriends" had translated it for me. It was really funny. What I liked more about this video, however, was near the end credits when it says that the video was produced in "Janurary 2006" instead of "January 2006". I'm sure it was intentional, but none of your commentators seemed to notice what looks like a stereotypical asian misspelling. What do you think?

StHalcyon said...

I think the funniest subtle thing they put into the video was the ending with the Indian guy. The whole time he was ranting with a thick Indian accent, until the end when all that accent was lost when he said bye.

Oh, and my bad. The dude goes to UCSD, not LA.

Joanne said...

SA: Aww, you should request some next time! ;)

Jo: You’re welcome, glad you enjoyed it.

Rolando: LOLs, I am amused that you put “different times” in parentheses, haha!!!

Conan: Thanks for the link. Yeah, I feel a lot of people today still remain very racist despite proclaiming to uphold equality. I don’t understand why it needs to be seen as losing one culture to another…just as 2 brains are better than 1, why can’t 2 cultures be better than 1 as well?? Haha, size is poked fun at soooo much, but I think it’s overrated and just a reflection of individual insecurity (for both male and female).

Dan: I think you’re some kind of amazing.

David: Hm, why do you feel that way? I’ve met guys who bored me to pieces and they weren’t asian. And, I’ve more than several asian guy friends who have a hilarious sense of humor.

Brent: Hahaha, agreed! =)

John: You know, you don’t have to marry a Chinese girl to get back in touch with the culture ;) Hm, I’ve never heard that term “3rd world kid” before…that sounds soo..derogatory! I have this one aunt who likes to call me “ABC” for “American-Born Chinese.” I say that if you meet girls who subscribe to the whole stereotype thing, then it’s their loss that they write you off because of it! Haha, yeah the Indian guy is one of my favorite scenes…

Chris: Yeah, there are many biases to overcome when two people come together. I like to think though that when 2 people confront and work through those differences, they’ll become closer as a result.

Erina: Haha, I have several favorite moments in that vid, too. And all the sound effects, just awesome! Yeah, I can’t blame him either. I do have a soft spot for shy guys and the nerds, but timing just didn’t work out at all between us. We still talk every once in awhile, though (lol, through Facebook).

Holly: Exactly my sentiment. It’s not very smart to choose someone you could potentially spend the rest of your life with to fulfill societal or others’ expectations. It’s much more important to find someone, regardless of who (or what) they may be, who can make you happy.

Suzie: lol.

Chris: Hm, I didn’t know that was a stereotypical Asian misspelling in the first place, ha. But with the whole tongue-in-cheek theme of the video, I wouldn’t be that surprised to know that it was done on purpose. I know what you mean, I’ve sometimes gotten the same feeling (looks) when I was out with a non-asian guy.

StHalcyon said...

My bad, my bad... I meant to say third culture kid, not third world kid. It was really, really late in the evening and I had to wake up super early for a silly run. =)

Anonymous said...

I find that video to be incorrect, most asian girls are terrified of us brothas...

Joanne said...

John: Haha, s'all good.

Cheynne: Granted not everyone's going to be mainstream, but I've generally found stereotypes to come from some truth, no matter how small.

Sarcasm Abounds said...

The woman I dated before I got married was Asian, but had been adopted by local millionaires.

Because of her country club upbringing, she may have been the whitest girl I ever knew.

She was very fond of playing raquetball and saying Daahhhling like she was Katherine Hepburn. . .

SA

Joanne said...

SA: You have some interesting stories up your sleeve, haha.

Ehav Ever said...

This was a funny and interesting video. When I lived in New York I had a room-mate once who was a white woman and her boy-friend was Chinese. It was interesting to me because that was something I had never seen before until I lived in NYC. So this video reminded me of that time.

I once dated a women who was Filipino and later I dated a woman who was Korean (different times of course). The problem that came up wasn't their heritage, but that I couldn't go any further in terms of marriage. Being Jewish, the people who we marry are required to either be Jewish by birth or converted to Judaism. In both situations both women had respect for Judaism, but it wasn't for them to convert to Judaism. We ended still being friends though.

The same dynamic can be found in some Jewish communities. There are Asian women who convert to Judaism and marry European or Middle Eastern Jewish men, but I have only met one Asian guy who converted to Judaism.

Joanne said...

Ehav Ever: That is a pretty interesting dynamic, how religion can prevent the union between two people. My mother went to a catholic boarding school for high school, but we're also Buddhists (mainly due to culture), so I was raised to appreciate the differences. In fact, there's a lot more similarities fundamentally between all the religions anyhow...so really, it shouldn't be an obstacle for marriage. But it is what it is, I guess.

Ehav Ever said...

Hey Joanne,

The obstacle, if it can really be called that, in Judaism is one that deals with how Judaism is supposed to be passed down to the children. Women are an extremely important part of that since they say that your father teaches you how to be a Jew, but your mother teaches you have to love being a Jew. In Jewish law if the woman is Jewish the children are legally Jewish. If a non-Jewish man marries a Jewish woman the children are still considered Jewish.

There isn't a concept in Judaism that the world has to become Jewish. Each nation is considered unique and to have been given a mission by God. Judaism is seen as Israel's mission if you will. There were times though when Jews moved to different countries and married a few women from the local population initially. For example, there used to be a big Jewish community in Kaifang, China going back to about 100 BCE. They were of a mixed descent of Jewish men from the Middle East and Chinese women who converted.

So what ends up happening is that if a religious Jewish man falls in love with a non-Jewish woman, the problem becomes that his children have to be raised as religious Jews. So the woman would have to become Jewish to facilitate this. What sometimes happens is that the woman converts and she, on her own, becomes more religious as Jew than the man is. It is funny how many times I have seen that.

Most Jewish men who marry non-Jewish women aren't religious so they normally don't have an issue. Even here in Israel I have seen situations where the non-Jewish woman or converted woman likes Judaism more than the Jewish man and she chooses to make sure the kids live as Jews. It is an interesting dynamic.

With the two women I dated the biggest problem was not as much the fact that I wanted to be religious as a Jew and raise Jewish children, but I also wanted to move to Israel. Both women had a respect for Judaism and on their own lived a bit like Jews. Yet, neither woman was going to go for living in Israel, which would have been a difficult move for either of them.

At least we are still friends.

Sarcasm Abounds said...

J - That's because I've been alive so much longer than you. :)

Sooner than you think, you too can look back on your twenties and find all kinds of amusing anectodes.

SA

Anonymous said...

hello,

i really enjoyed this video. cheers me much up *still having big smile on face* lol

i would saying: of course asian guy can get white girls - easily. i am from europe and i really think here are much white girls which dreaming of a relationship with an asian guy. its something special.

asian guys can be really sexy. for my pesonal view a asian guy is it more as an white guy. xD

but beside this here is it a bit to like: what? you dating an asian guy? asian guys arn't real man - thats the opinion of some white ppl. i think the thoughts behind it are the same like everywhere too.

well the only problem for white girls which are interesting in such a relationship never will get a chance to catch an asian boyfriend because it seems much more difficult to get his interesting and of course some culture views are between people. who has to make one step back to come closer to the other site? and how many is unknown but important to know to understand the other site feeling/thinking etc. and how to deal with if the souroundins of family and friends dont accept this relationship? its much a pitty that the world isnt open for multicultural realationships where the background dont play a role. i dont understand the "no go" in some heads.

i really wish all ppl many luck who are in such kind of relationship :)

take care

Anonymous said...

At the end of the day, it all comes down to how attractive the guy is. If this asian dude is tall, good looking, and most of all, western looking, women, regardless what race will want to have his baby. Nature selection, blame no one but yourself if you were unattractive. By the way, Joanne I think you are super hot, in that white-boy-super-oriental-wet-dream kind of way. I'm chinese myself but I can see the appeal.

Yin

Joanne said...

LOLs!

Anonymous said...

Hello!

It all comes down to preference though I do hope for better Asian men presentation in the media. I have a problem with people who believe too much in media stereotypes. I thought this is another Asian Female on a Asian Men hating spree. I'm glad you are better than them.

Have a nice day.


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