the laid.back Buddhist has MOVED...back!
Showing posts with label LIFE'S ABSURDITIES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LIFE'S ABSURDITIES. Show all posts

Friday, December 12

The Unsuspecting Disciple

Yup, that'd be...ME.

So get this. Apparently, I was officially accepted by Xin Yun Fa Shi (aka lead monk of a now fairly large Buddhist sect following in Taiwan) when I was about 5 years old.

When we lived in ATL, my grandfather had ordered my parents to visit Xin Yun Fa Shi (this was before he was really well-known) in LA and become his disciples...so, off they filially went. I guess it's sort of like being baptized?

My mom pointed him (uhh, my head monk?! I totally need to work on this proper names thing) out to me over Thanksgiving break on TV (we get satellite Chinese channels). He's so plumply cute, with twinkling eyes, freckled sunspots on his face, Buddha ears, a kind smile, and a calm voice--everything you could possibly imagine one's Head Monk ought to be like.

Also apparently, Mr. XYFS Head Monk told my mom I had "Hui Gen," which directly translates into "Wise Roots" and is roughly equivalent to having the potential to develop wisdom or something along those lines.

...yes, ME at 5 years old.

I think it had something to do with my ear shape? Or maybe the deeply intense look in my eyes as I solemnly...so evidently wisely looked up to him.

Which I find ridiculously hilarious, oddly flattering, and slightly unnerving. I wonder if he were to meet his long-lost, unsuspecting, possible black sheep disciple again, what would he say?

"How could you put holes in those ears?!"


0:) Oh, boy.

Monday, November 17

Whoever is keeping tabs


...kindly forewarn me next time. Thanks.


She says I’m going to fall in love next year. I wonder, how can she be so sure?

Well, I guess that’s beside the point. Deep down, I know that whoever that next person in my life is…I will fall irrevocably in love with him.

Melodramatic much? Probably.

But I know myself well enough to recognize a pattern in my own behavior by now. There’s no denying I’m nearing the third year of my crush/crushed-recovery cycle. I recognize the root of my current restlessness.

Predictable in the most unpredictable way. Every time I toe the line, testing the water just to see how far I can go. Only to fall a little deeper each time.

Too bad I can’t choose my love life like my contact-lenses prescriptions. They don’t say hindsight is 20/20 for nothing. A couple years back, I purposely started choosing to have less than 20/20 vision because I felt having perfect eyesight artificially only made it get worse each year.

Except being able to see clearly is like being able to think straight. Totally irrelevant, totally mental…and totally out of my control.

Deep down, I’m scared I’m not ready.

As if this were something a person could be "ready" for, check off today's to-do list.

The thought of finding the one? Shit, makes a girl wanna run off to Canada. Which, by the way, is exactly what I’m planning to do anyhow. ;)

Okay, okay. Playful joking seriousness aside, it’s true... I can’t wait for it to happen anyhow. It seems like I’ve always been waiting. So, it’s hard for me to fathom, is there really someone out there who cannot resist me?

You have to understand, I’m not just restless as I begin to re-open my eyes to different possibilities. I can be downright reckless. I say, no more. No more unconsciously seeking out unrequited, one-sided, supposedly “safe” love!

Hey, I figure that if there’s a chance I might get hurt, then I better damn well make sure it’s worth my time.

Secretly, the thought makes me smile in eager anticipation.

...I'm either a hopeless romantic or just flat-out hopelessly naive in romance, still. I may be an easy person to be with, but I can’t possibly be an easy person to love (family and friends don’t count here!). I swear, there must be something intimidating about me to other guys in that arena. Honestly, I’m curious to find out what kind of person would accept such a challenge.

Er well, with the exception of moms.

Jeez, recently I’ve come across some really bold moms eager for me to become part of their family. And I thought this sort of chase-down only happened to rakish, wildly eligible but confirmed bachelors…in those old-school regency romances?!

Uhh, let's not explore the implications of that analogy.

Truly, I thought perhaps the yoga mom over the summer trying to sell her son to me so that I can bear her grandchildren (yeeah, I know...it caused me a minor internal freak-out moment, too) was just a one-time fluke. Cute, but weird.

But this past week, I had dinner with a longtime friend and his aunt, who by the end of the night was not-so-subtly trying to set us up. Ironically, he’s turning 28, which is the age I jokingly claimed is the time guys matured in an unsuccessful attempt to gently decline the yoga mom’s aggressive advances...

Seems like I ought to watch what I joke about now, huh?

Wednesday, October 29

In Defense of an AV system

Ooooh, this woman makes my teeth grind:


"While I know why you want to have a band play, I find it interesting that you want to do this while you are supposed to be experiencing what it’s like to be homeless."

Coming from the person overseeing this program? Yeah, thank you for missing the point entirely.

Call me crazy, but I don't believe much benefit is going to come from my students (I'm a facilitator for a group of Social Justice leadership students) only being "homeless" for just one night.

Plus, the purpose of this engaging leadership program is NOT simply "doing" the service, granted that is an important part of the experience. The overall goal is for students to proactively take the initiative on an issue--that's where the bulk of the learning process is going to come from.

Their true objectives are:

1. Promoting awareness about homelessness in the community/campus
2. Raising $,$$$ to donate to the local nonprofit
3. Getting canned food donations

I mean, seriously now. Who's gonna come watch a bunch college students sleep out all night? What are those people going to take away from it besides, "Oh, they're pretending to be homeless...haha and whoop-dee-doo." Perhaps the more important issue is what does experiencing homelessness actually do for the 400 people applying for assistance from our local nonprofit who had to get turned away on the second day? Tell me that.

Besides the only reason they are going to be camping out on the Drillfield from 7 PM to 7 AM on a Friday night is because people are pledging a dollar for every hour they're "homeless." You know, sort of like Relay For Life held annually in the spring at my university. Bands attract attention (not to mention they are donating their time to a good cause) and sponsors help get the community involved.

Because when the speaker from the nonprofit, the bands, the friends stopping by for moral support, and food from sponsors are all gone by midnight (perhaps even earlier)...it'll just be a group of 17 college students all by themselves in freezing 20-30 degree weather. For the entire night.

Try that for a learning experience.

So tomorrow? Damned if I don't finagle my way into getting my students their AV system.

Thursday, October 23

Yay for HOME!

Hip-hip-hooray! Times a gazillion!

It's perfect because my classes tomorrow happened to get canceled (b/c you know, I always feel so guilty for skipping...that silly freshman "Oo, I'm so rebelliously grown-up" naivety of yesteryear is not worth sabotaging my professors' impression of me (aka I want to keep that recommendation letter positive).

In prep for going home, I bought my sister a set of those ridiculously over-priced multicolored PILOT gel pens that she adores and one of my favorite books (Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver) with a short note on the inside cover from me.

Can you believe the university bookstore had the paperback for only $11? Which is a great deal for such an awesome book, especially in comparison to those friggin' pens.

Of course, my mom is going to scold me for spending money on my kid sis yet again. But jeez, I can't help it! It's one of the 3 areas in my life where I refuse to scrimp on (the other 2 include eating good food and saving up to go all-out on a good vacation).

So yeah, I know I tend to spoil the people in my life whom I love. Although, I can probably argue quite convincingly that it was money well spent as educational supplies.

And uhh, these new sunglasses? Hm.

For health protection purposes... obviously.

Wednesday, December 5

I Think So...Er, I Am

“We’re going to Seattle for winter break.”

“Okay. To visit Scott in Vancouver?” Scott’s my favorite younger male cousin.

"That, too."

3 weeks later.

“Actually, we decided on New York.”

“Ooh, does this mean we get to see Brian?” My favorite older male cousin.

“Yes.”

“Yay! Okay.”
Last week.

Voicemail: “Honey, don’t forget to bring back your passport. We’re going to Japan instead.”

That's an interesting new development.

2 days ago.

“Where do you think we should go for winter break?”
Ah, welcome to my mother. Queen of impulsive short getaway trips. I’ve learned not to get overly excited upon hearing a new destination, as there’s a good chance it’ll change.

“What happened to Japan?”

“Osaka’s too cold for your old Ma in the winter.”

I chuckle, guess there IS a way to put a clamp on impulsiveness after all!

“Well, I don’t care where we go if you want to travel," I mention the last part hopefully (albeit casually, I know how much my mom loves the family trips), "And, staying home is just fine, too, you know?”

Yesterday, early evening.

Email from Darmstadt informing me that someone’s going to be back during winter break and with a subtle invitation that he would like to catch up in person, anytime from Dec. 21 to Jan. 3.

Shit.

I changed my mind, Mom. I definitely want to travel—far, far away, please.

Yesterday, late evening.

“You called earlier?”

“Yeah, we might still be going to Japan.”

“Really! Mom, I thought you said Osaka was too cold?”

“Not if we go to the southern part of Japan.”

“Hm, I see.”

“Right now, we’re waiting for tickets from Tokyo to open up. I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Oh, wait…what are the dates you’re looking at?”

“Why?”

“I, uhh, just curious.”

Did I mention I suck at hiding things from my mom? Well, I do. MAJORLY.

Today.

Final Confirmation. Wish granted, Japan trip is on!

And I'm completely happy about this, right?

Wednesday, October 24

Boys & Girls

“I just don’t see how it’s supposed to be a good thing for girls to be like boys and boys to be like girls.”

Excuse me, SERIOUSLY?!

My fingers lifted from the keyboard (I was commenting on a blog, either Dicey’s Dice Six or Holly’s Menstrual Poetry, I forget) and I squinted towards the front of the lecture hall to see what person had the idiotic gall to say such a thing.

She has similar (basic) demographics as me, being female and attending college (in fact, the same freakin' university at that)...

It makes me embarrassed for her sake.

Not that I’m trying to make excuses for this student, but perhaps age has something to do with her narrow-mindedness? This is an entry-level (elective) class on child development, so odds are that she’s a freshman.

Yes, damn it, I am quite aware that I'm making an assumption despite the previous post's warnings on doing exactly that. However, that has got to be the fifth time this semester the same girl opened her mouth and something insipid has come out.

Can you believe it? Last week, in response to a diversity case study as part of a guest lecture, I believe she said something to the effect that the gay man should’ve kept his personal lifestyle separate from his professional life...

Well, NOT if the man’s boss is clearly discriminating against homosexuals by saying (to a man he assumed was not gay but actually was, ironically) that he’s uncomfortable having a gay man work for him! It’s unfortunate that the boss would feel that way, but people cannot go around saying such things--behind closed doors or not--and expect to get away with it!

GLBT individuals have enough stigma to courageously face, not to mention for them it's also a continually "coming-out" process.

But I'm veering off on to a tangent into a side rant.

Anyhow. I was just about to raise my hand to indirectly counter-reprimand her comment (I know, it totally would’ve been very unfairly passive-aggressive of me!) when my professor did so. She responded beautifully, and most likely, with more professionalism than I would’ve (as a fellow student in the heat of the moment)... I thanked her for that after class.

The fact that this student is voicing all these opinions in a child development course, I can’t help but worry somewhat about the kinds of kids she’ll likely raise.

What, are you going to harshly criticize your toddler son just because he was indulging in a curiosity with a doll instead of a truck? At that age, children have not yet fully developed any concept of our socially constructed gender roles! A new toy is just...well, a new toy!

When certain people patronizingly claim that our society has progressed to complete equality...that acts of racism, sexism, homophobia, and yes even ageism (specifically towards our elderly), are no longer current issues, that individuals today are making issues out of non-issues...I have to wonder not just where their brain has gone, but where the hell their eyes are.

But I guess sometimes people will see and remember only what they chose to.

For me, it breaks my heart to hear my Jamaican friend share a story that some girl last year refused to work on a project with her simply because she was uncomfortable with the color of her skin. Yes, in THIS day and age. Or that people express wonder at my good friend being President of the Asian American Student Union this year because he’s also openly gay (to friends, not yet to family). Or when I go downtown with the girls and some drunk guy thinks he’s successfully hitting on me by saying that I “look real good for an Asian.”

Yeah, and you look like just another somewhat good-looking schmuck who’s acting like a twat. Crash and burn, you’ve just screwed up the First Rule of Courtship.

With that said, I'm ending this on a freakin' excited note because my friend Tony is coming down for the Boston College game on Thursday!

This means I can finally have tiramisu!!!

(I'll explain why at another time, in another post)

Tuesday, October 23

Seriously, Not

As much as I lament being a girl certain days...

I think I'd always choose to be re-born female.

(just a tad biased here)

If only for appreciating how it feels to be back to "normal" after an excruciating past couple of days. I used to half-boast how I never suffered the usual symptoms. HA! I was hit with a pounding migraine, overall bloated-ness, and if the two previous posts were any indication, a case of sentimental woes.


(thanks for bearing with that)

I ought to heed the lesson here and remember to stop announcing how I've never had a hangover before karma decides to teach me a lesson.


(believe me... the irony of saying as such on a public blog is not lost upon me)

I swear it's the quarter-Mongolian blood in me or something. I remember everything, I've never thrown-up, and I don't get the Asian red either. The last part surprises most people because (courtesy of my mom) I always have a slight pink flush to my cheeks and when I'm laughing real hard, it flushes a deeper shade...accompanied by loud, head-thrown back sort of laughter and trademark weak knees.

Some claim it's because I just didn't drink enough.

Ahh, ha! And, of course, I was curiously arrogant enough to test my limits.

Long story short?

I'm simply a freak of nature masquerading as an Asian. Just a strong buzz that peaks faster and plateaus out for a longer time period.


(but I digress...)

Because if you can believe it, I meant this to be a post on Green Tea Bubble Tea...


Photography by Vy's LGvx8500 (chocolate) phone

Go ahead!

Exclaim in utmost horror and with righteous indignation that the above photo is NOT of Bubble Tea.

And yet...sadly, it is.

"What IS this!?" Vy fervently whispers to me in undertones.


"Oh, no." I'm barely containing laughter at this point, "I think I know what it is."


Some poor, deprived and utterly clueless newb at Deet's blended the tapioca pearls with the ice. When he handed it to us, we accepted it in shock. Hell, we even managed to walk a few paces towards a booth to further ponder our mutilated bubbles...

We got new Bubble Teas, of course.

(after much hysterical giggling, MUCH)

But I should confess...we waited to specifically ask the Asian girl to make it.

I know!

We're incorrigibly picky upstarts.

Friday, October 19

3 Brief Confessions (for once!)

Photography: The Dock & Parker's Pier by Derek Prospero


Courtesy of a meme from Dan.

He titled his 3 Things You Haven't Let Go.

Although, for me? It's more like 3 Things I Won't Let Go...

1. DYEING MY HAIR

Simply put, I can't stop. I refuse to.

The first time I dyed my hair it was this dark reddish-brown the year before I entered college. Looking back, it benchmarked another new coming-of-age.

Which now gets translated into the "new quarter-life crises."

Either way, ever since then I’ve been dyeing my hair in varying degrees of reddish-brown roughly 2-3 times a year. I try not to dye it too too often so it's ironically fortunate that my hair absolutely RELISHES in growing extremely slow. I also tend to stick to the reds, but for awhile I was really diggin' the slight dark purplish hue called Iridescent Chestnut (though it totally freaked me out the very first time I applied it).

And once on a whim my sophomore year of college, I dyed it blue-black.

Most of the time I used Naturtint (with 3 exceptions where I went mainstream with Revlon or Herbal Essence). However, recently my mom and I switched over to using henna because even though Narturtint doesn’t have ammonia or any of the harsher chemicals, it still contains carcinogens like p-phenlydiamine.

Which builds up when a gal can't seem to quit dyeing her hair yet still hopes to live a relatively long and healthy life!

But I’ll end my babbling here as this is not supposed to be (yet another post!) on my hair.


2. BLACK HOODIES

I love wearing black hoodies.

Photography by Vy (sometime between 2005-2006)

But my only one is gone!!!

Actually, it’s been gone for 2 years and counting.

I miss it, achingly.

It's from the year I was vice-prez of CAS. The design, created by one of my good friends and his genius artistic muse, is of a phoenix. Hm, and that's interesting...I didn't realize how much curlier my hair has gotten since then! Like now, I've actual tresses kind of curly. I shall endeavor to find/take a more recent picture of me with non-straightened hair...


3. RANDOM ACTS OF IMPULSIVE INSANITY

A prime example is when The Self-Proclaimed Monosyllabic Trio restlessly decides we ought to do something. This often usually always leads to an evening of Serial Impulses. Below is one of the "normal" pictures of me, posing by the gorgeous tree we became fixated upon on one such Serial Impulse occasion last Spring.

A tree we proceeded to climb--skirts, heels and all.

Never mind the curious stares of passers-by, of course...



Photography by either Vy or Kath, I forget...(3/23/2007)


Oh! And Keeyit asked for a photo of my younger sister.

So on a completely-unrelated-to-the-meme side note, here's one from when she was at Northwestern University (Evanston, IL) this past summer for nerd camp. And I've no qualms in calling it as such because, well ah see, I went to it myself as a younger...er, young'un, too!

And, LOOK! She has the thick-Asian-hair gene that apparently decided to skip yours truly.



Photography by what I assume to be one of Keek's CTD camp friends.

What a goof!

The little upstart is demonstrating what I've dubbed "The Turtle Kiss."

And coincidentally, she's wearing the same sweater as me in The Tree picture above. Sadly, a sweater I probably won't ever see again now that she's taken such a liking to it...

Well, that's my Chosen Three--

Now on to the fun part! I'm curious to read 3 things that:

Lisa
Moooooog35
Nick
Stealth
Meleah
and Chessnoid

...haven't/can't/won't let go of.

Pictures appreciated. ;)

Sunday, October 7

Accidental Ridiculousness

What’s in a name?


My parents have a wicked sense of humor. Often corny, yes.

But wicked nonetheless.

Now, some might think I meant “wicked” as in slang for “way cool” or “beyond hilarious.”

Ohh ho, nah-uh, I do mean wicked.

I swear they are always on the look-out for the purposeful enjoyment of any accidental ridiculousness. And a particularly favorite subject is their offspring. I do not kid when I say this has been the case from the moment I was born, as can be evidenced from the story of how my first name came about.

Or, I should say, how it almost didn’t come about.

My Chinese name was decided by my paternal grandfather and apparently that’s the only name that really mattered. So, my dad relishes in explaining how if it weren’t for my dear granny Anne (an elderly woman who was once a neighbor to us), they were going to take the nurse’s suggestion to English-name me…


RUBY.


Mm, yeah. Whew! Thank you, granny Anne. I owe you a big one!

However, like most things, the story doesn’t end there.

I’m not very close to either of my own grandmothers due to circumstance (one has been in a coma for the past 10 years) and temperament (the other, whom I respect very much, favors the males in the family: son, son-in-laws, and grandsons).

But granny Anne is so sweet.

She is the reason why I listed that I want be a grandmother before I die in my 3’s meme…because, well, I never really had one myself. And she brilliantly suggested that they take the combination of my parents’ names, John and Annie.

To create Johann.

Pronounced as “JO-han,” but if you’re like many of my past teachers who were surprised when a little Chinese girl instead of a little German boy raised her hand for role call…you probably thought “YO-han," like in Johann Sebastian Bach.

Then, why (when I've come to love how different my first name is) do I still use "Joanne"?

Well, it goes back to old habits dying hard.

When I discovered the existence of nicknames in elementary school, I nicknamed myself “Joanne” in an effort to make my name closer to the Granny Anne I admired so very much. A nickname which has obviously stayed with me throughout the years.

So that now “Joanne” is who I am just as much “Johann” came to be as I matured.

Does make me wonder though, as it’s often touted that it's not the shirt who makes the person but rather the person who makes the shirt instead: did I grow into my name or did my name develop who I am today?

I mean, I honestly can't imagine myself answering to the name of "Ruby." However I'm confident that if fate had made that my first name instead, I'd somehow make it a part of my identity. Though I also wonder if I'd still be the same sort of person today as a Chinese girl named Ruby instead of Johann.

Who knows, maybe a more feminine name might've made me less of tomboy growing up?

(Keep in mind that I ask this while highly doubting it myself)

You see, my mom has a very pretty Chinese name, "Gold Cloud," and compared to her 4 older sisters who all have masculine names, she was definitely the most carefree and tomboyish child of them all. In fact, my grandmother sent her to an all-girls Catholic boarding school for high school with the sole purpose of reining in her wayward tendencies!

Props to her for surviving that as I can't imagine more than 1 year in such an environmentmy sister and I did a brief stint at an all-girls school Hathaway Brown the year we lived in Ohio... And yeeeah, I'm pretty damn sure I broke every single rule in regards to the HB school uniforms I disliked wearing so very much.

Anyhow, it's interesting that in Asian cultures—and maybe this is true across the board—having a…uniquely different or a baser name is thought to be advantageous to the destiny of the person. Therefore, my Chinese name (besides being only 2 characters compared to the usually favored 3 characters and surprise-surprise! masculine as well) also sounds exactly like another common Chinese word.

Often, people who know Chinese do a double-take and exclaim, “Really! You mean like…”

Yes, you heard right. That is my name.

And now you're probably wondering what the story behind THAT name is. Well, you'll just have to keep wondering, my friends.

Because I tell ya, this wickedness is hereditary! ;)

Tuesday, October 2

20 Amusing Google Keyword Searches

Of all the many, many things I'm addicted to...

I'm also guilty of being a chronic site stats checker. So every once in a while, I'll check out my Google Analytics to see what sort of searches have induced people oh-so lucky folks to stumble upon the The Laidback Buddhist.

Here are my Top 20 Favorites:

  1. Oprah Winfrey a Buddhist?

    Not that I know of, but if it counts for anything, I’m a Buddhist (albeit a failed one) and I absolutely ADORE Oprah!

  2. Enjoy spoon position

    That I do. Very much. Words for the wise, guys who think cuddling is not important will have an Extremely Unhappy lady by their side...or not one at all.

  3. I want to date a buddhist

    Is there a preference for any kind in particular? I mean, I know of a laidback one and she's pretty cool and er, laidback...despite developing a list of Courtship Rules. ;)

  4. how to be laid back

    Just go with the flow, follow your heart, and don't think about it so much.

  5. meaning of shady character

    Open to interpretation but here's one I encountered.

  6. my hair looks like bird nest

    Ahh, yes. The Infamous Bird Nest. My dad's all-time favorite nickname for my bed head.

  7. procrastination buddhism

    Now, this is my kind of language.

  8. super high resolution buddhist

    For some reason, that sounds kinda hot.

  9. too laid back?

    Impossible.

  10. why people are laid back

    I think the better question is, why aren't more people laid back?

  11. drunk chinese girls

    Wrong site, fella.

  12. lazy buddhist

    Glad to know I'm not the only one who believes such a phenomenon exists.

  13. how to coax out a splinter

    Try cursing it instead.

  14. self-haircut tips

    Use thinning scissors, practice when hair is long, and split the haircutting over two days. Don't overcut, sometimes hair just needs time to grow into the cut.

  15. what girls think of asian guys

    You won't believe how many google search hits I got along this line of thinking. Let's set the record straight: girls do like asian guys, okay? You're really cute and for the most part, pretty sweet. You're like any other guy, but you're also your own person. The most important thing is what you think of yourself...why should anyone like you if you don't like yourself?!

  16. why you should date an asian guy

    Finally! Someone google-searching with a positive attitude...uh, right?

  17. Buddhist widget

    Muahaha. I really like the way this person thinks.

  18. my hair isn't growing

    I'm sorry. On the upside, you're not being highway robbed.

  19. John Mayer's hands

    ...are uh-mazing. That's all you need to know.

  20. what makes you a buddhist?

    My Chinese culture, my appreciation for Eastern philosophy, and my mother's family fortune teller.

You people crack me up!

Tuesday, September 25

Highway Robbery

When people rip you off, that’s what you should exclaim, very loudly and with self-assured conviction. Preferably in Chinese and accompanied with a wagging finger.*

Because it really is akin to highway robbery for a girl to get a haircut these days. Well, minus the dark, handsome, and masked (of course it’s only because he’s too damn good-looking) highway hero who'd help me battle the blood-suckers trying to get some...of my hard-earned money, that is.


Not trying to imply chivalry's dead or that I can't solve my own problems...


But what’s a gal to do in this day and age of modernity?

  1. Never get another haircut. Hm, not too fond of being Rapunzel for every day thereafter. And to think of all the shampoo, conditioner, water and excess energy (since I like my showers hot) I’d be wasting…global warming, people!

  2. Have my mother cut my hair. No, no, and hell no. As much as I love her, my mom should never be allowed scissors around my hair, or anyone else's for that matter. Many a scarring childhood photos can confirm this.

  3. Donate to Locks of Love. Except this is not a feasible long-term solution as it takes my hair 5 months for it to grow a measly 2 inches. Plus, I’d still need to get trims/layers done in between.

  4. Shave it all off. Ha! Not in a million years, not for a million bucks.

  5. Cut my own hair… Bingo.


Although, I know you're probably thinking it's a pretty crazy idea.


Um, in case you didn't already know, any person who creates her own religion and dubs it Laidback Buddhism is not exactly sane.

Then again, who is? Because apparently I'm not the only one doing it!

But back to the whole highway robbery thing.

The last time I paid someone to cut my hair was over 4 years ago. It became a memory (as TheThinker has eloquently coined, and justly so, as Bad Hair Month) that I've filed away with the rest of my traumatic high school experiences.

I don't know how much a perm costs... but my mom and younger sister wait until we go back to Asia to get it done because it's cheaper (er, once you take the $2,000 plane ticket per person out of the equation). But I do know that it would only cost my dad only $12 ($15 max) to get his hair cut whereas mine would be charged at $28 to simply trim 1" of hair. And oh, if I wished to dye my hair as well? There goes at least another $60. Mind you, this was the price I remembered four years ago.

If that ain't considered highway robbery, I don't know what is.

This is one of those times where I'm eternally grateful to have naturally curly hair, even though it probably comes from a mutant gene (but I prefer thinking it's from the 1/4 Mongolian part of me). See, I can do random snips, create "flexible" layers, and even mess up because my curls will hide any boo-boo's I make.

Sooo, what happens when I straighten my hair?

Well, apparently it's thin enough that it doesn't matter. All that matters is having a length I'm comfortable with. So as long as my bottom layer is even and my bangs are fine, I'm good to go.

Bad news is that it's been 5 months since my last self-haircut and self-hairdye and the thinning scissors are at home. The henna dye is also at home.

I think perhaps a trip home is in order, ya think?

______________________________________________________
*What, you didn't know?! Well, that's how things work in my family...

Thursday, September 20

Why Asian Guys Can't Get White Girls

Sooo...

A friend of mine sent me a hilarious YouTube video a few weeks ago via email and I was ordered by him to say whether or not I agreed with it.

It's long (15 min?), but definitely worth watching.

I would've like to used Revver to upload with instead since Dan has explained why it's better than YouTube, but this vid wasn't on there.





Very well-done, huh?

I love it when humor is used to hash out stereotypes, or any other complex subject for that matter. It's funny because there is some truth to it.

From my own personal standpoint, I've crushed on guys of all races pretty evenly. I've fallen for guys who are VERY different from each other. I don't have a type per se and don't think anyone could (or should) have one. Regardless, I know I'm attracted to guys who've shared certain qualities and characteristics, or I s'pose...a mix that I really liked. That worked for them and for me (obviously!).

Vy thinks I'm going to end up with a non-Asian guy because Asian guys tend to be intimidated by me. That or they become like brothers to me... But I think it's generalizing the situation too much, as it depends on the guy and whether he makes a move I think is worth following-up on.

Or, if I'm intrigued enough to pursue something more on my own.

For example?

Last spring, I was sent a dozen mail-order lavender roses with a typed anonymous note:


"A beautiful lovely lady like yourself deserves roses like these."

As the very first time being given flowers, I was flattered, extremely surprised, grateful, and very, very intrigued, to say the least. And truthfully, I was also a tad intimidatedI mean, $73 is rather hefty chunk of money!

Well, I called up the flower company so they could relay the message to Mr. Anonymous that I'd like to know who he was. And as Vy joked, to see if it was a he. 3 days later, I got my answer through (1) a Facebook message that (2) sent mixed signals. Apparently, he called the 12 long-stemmed roses a "sign of recognition" because I had mentioned the previous weekend that I had hell-week right before Spring Break.

Now, I thought that was a really sweet gesture (despite being somewhat extravagant) and I know it took a lot of courage to reveal himself...

But it put my guard up.

I was willing to give him a chance since it's difficult to judge a person when we were only acquaintances (co-workers in the same area), but the timing was all wrong. He was right in thinking that I'd be interested in seeing Joe Turner's Come and Gone (as my leadership group was working alongside another theater arts project to deal with diversity and stereotype issues). But the poor guy really botched up in asking me (very last minute, via Facebook, and with the same confusing signals). After I wrote back, he apologized and explainedagain, through Facebookthat he had written it while "ya, drunk."

Hmmm. Ya, no.

He followed up the next day with a phone call to apologize again, but things were already at the bottom of the hill for me.

I understand that too much, too soon can be bad thing, especially if unwanted or if the other person was not ready for it. However, it came off as insecure, unsure, and frankly somewhat sketch. I admire it a lot when guys have the courage to be more direct (or indirectly consistent), albeit in a respectful, tactful way.

It's also something I appreciate in my friendships, both male and female.

And for myself, I don't mind asking a guy out on a date...and have done so before on occasion.

It's not a good idea to stereotype someone for a just because, and I definitely wouldn't use one as a deal-breaker. Although, I do have to admit Vy is somewhat right...a white guy tends to have more of the qualities that would not only first attract my attention, but also keep it.

Then again, who's to say an Asian guy wouldn't as well?

Either way that's got nothing to do with race, but who that guy is as an individual.

Monday, September 17

Line 'Em Up!

I’m not a big fan of doodling spirals for some reason.

Don’t get me wrong here, I love sketching random things (usually abstract). I’ve been trying to curb my tendency to make random scribbles in the margins of my notes. Sometimes, depending on my mood, they even transform into rather elaborate drawings or a silly cartoon series. Although usually it’s just an explosion of “I’m too busy trying not to think” or “I’ve no idea what the hell I’m drawing” lines and curves.

When I was younger, my mom once mentioned she read how children who drew spirals during childhood are thought to be more intelligent (supposedly the visual of spirals stimulates brain development). She confessed to being a Spiral Child. Being young, impressionable and totally in love with my mother, I thus tried the whole spiraling thing...

Yeeeah, it never stuck.

Sometimes you can’t force yourself to like something, just like you can’t force yourself to love someone.

I do find spirals very interesting and all, but after a few minutes, I always get so easily bored with them—I mean, they can only go in ONE direction!

Stubborn little punk that I was, I tried to make the spirals work for my 8-yrs-old attention span by doing variously sized spirals, a spiral of spirals, spiral people and objects, etc, but all in vain.

I’m too loyal to my lines, it seems.

Given a blank sheet of paper, I’d start from all four corners, making line after line at numerous angles to build an assortment of triangles towards the center of the page. Or, stripes! For some reason I’m really amused by drawing stripes at various angles next to each other. I can only imagine how much ink I’ve wasted throughout the years by trying out the different perspectives you get from different spacing.

The scanner function on my printer isn’t working (probably due to the fact that I accidentally dropped it when I moved in), so instead I experimented around with good ol’ Paint.

See all the different images you can do with lines?!






Yup, yours truly was definitely a Lines & Angles type of child. Still am, I s'pose, since I spent an hour last night to create the above 2 images instead of doing work.

But for all my love of lines...I've noticed that for some reason I prefer writing and taking notes (it tends to be neater, too!) on unlined paper.

Sunday, September 16

Phase of Paranoia

When this happens... oh, it makes me so unbelievably mad, mad, mad.

Like, I tell myself that people who plagiarize the past can't take away from the potential of the future. But the circular argument that future eventually becomes past and past can then be plagiarized makes me cynically pissed off all over again.

And, did I mention paranoid as well?

See, I previously had the CreativeCommons disclaimer at the bottom of my page. It's still there, but now I've added a little blurb at the top. And this copyscape banner (to find unauthorized duplicate copies on the web) that used to be at the bottom of my right sidebar has been moved to the top as well.

I wonder if this'll make any difference or if I'm straight-up deluding myself.

But either way, I don't believe I could stop writing.

I mean, a lack of time might prevent me, but only for a short while as that "Pummeling" has already been established as being irrelevant...

Wednesday, September 12

P is for Procrastination

You know a meme is really good when you Procrastinate it for over a week.

See, I’ve always found it somewhat easier to see myself in retrospect. To reflect on what I learned from the Past, creating a bridge of experience to the Present.

Then, it feels like I’ve achieved...Progress.

I ought to confess, last week I googled “7 P’s meme tag” to see if I could be motivated out of this procrastination slump. Apparently, the 7 P’s—like any meme I guess—are supposed to be a list of short definitions explaining how each word relates to me personally.

S’cuse me? Just one sentence?!

I love doing memes and all, but it's a Paradox that revels in screwing me over! I’m a blogger, which means I like to write…

...A LOT. Brevity is rather elusive in my world of words.

Ah, well. I never claimed to be one to follow the rules anyhow.

Erina, RolandoYou two are so Patient, thanks for the tag!

My 7 P’s

PASSION

It’s ironic, almost to the point of embarrassment, how much this word (in the singular form) can scare the hell out of me. When I seek out passion, in myself and in others. When I deem it absolutely necessary to have. When I fiercely believe that life—without our driving passions to flood and magnificently blur the edges—would dull and empty.

Yeah, I find it’s pretty damn ironic when I define who I am by my passions, by being passionate.

Because ask me to define one passion?

I get antsy.

I find it difficult to name one because it feels as if I’d be excluding everything else I've a passion for. However, after looking back, I saw something that has stayed consistent all through the years. I saw how my passion for people connects everything I've ever been passionate about or for.

Passion is an emotion that should be present in all aspects of life. And for me, passion means being able to give. Whether it’s to my family and friends or to any endeavor I choose to undertake. To have a loving passion and compassion for the girl I was all those yesterdays.

For who I am, today. For the woman I will be, one day.

For all the people I am lucky enough to encounter.

PURPOSE

Yikes, another tough word. It’s like asking, “What is the meaning of life, hm?” It’s always going to be something different for everyone. Yet we all need a purpose. We live purposefully because it gives our actions, choices…meaning.

So, what is mine?

It changes as I grow and develop. With that said, no matter how much I change, I am always the same person.

So, I think the most important purpose to have in life is being true to myself.

PURSUIT

I am always in constant pursuit of the unknown.

I accept that I won’t always find answers. Actually, sometimes I prefer it that way. You know how they say people want what they can’t have. I pursue for a confirmation of my own experience.

I pursue because I’m afraid of missing out on what life has to offer me.

POSITION

Daughter, older sister, friend, student, blogger.

I'd also say girlfriend, but I’m single. I wonder, would it be sort of weird to say future girlfriend, then? Hm, yes. Oh, well. That's who I am...er, will be...for some guy. ;)

PUMMELING

Time.

I really don’t treat it seriously enough. For as much as I attach an importance to time, I value people much more. In the blink of an eye, I can put everything on hold for the moment, a moment that can last anywhere from two minutes to 2 hours. Maybe this is an inherent tendency for procrastinators?

Either way, I never seem to have enough of it.

PROGRESS

Like a turtle, but I don’t mind! Slow as they may be, turtles live long. ;)

PERSONALITY

Extroverted introvert.


Whew!

See why it took me forever to finish this tag?

I like to think that by the time I got to my seventh P, I mastered my tendency to be verbose (hell yeah, did you see how I summed up my personality with only 2 words!). But truthfully, it probably has more to do with being laidback (read: lazy) than anything else...

Well anyhow, I couldn't choose 5 people, like I'm supposed to. But I figured since I already broke the one-sentence "rule" for this meme...what's another???

7 wasn't enough for me, I had to overachieve and torment tag 8 people because my curiosity is sometimes so very demanding like that:


Kath
Dan
Jon
Daniel
Brookem
Brent
Cooper
Kevin


(muahahaha.)

Thursday, September 6

Complusive Re-reading

Just what the doctor ordered...

For some reason, I felt compelled to share a story of how a tomboyish wildchild got converted into a chronic bookworm. For believe it or not, I was a really wild little punk as a kid.

My days then consisted of running around with the neighborhood boys and getting ourselves into all sorts of lovely mischief.

Only my mom didn't think scabby knees and a recurring appearance of bush scratches to be as...lovely, to say the least.

Nor do I remember her being very fond of all the dirt and sand I tracked into the house every day. It also didn't help that my dad found my antics amusing and continually encouraged me to indulge in whatever craziness my daydreaming prompted me to try. However, my mom's main worry was that I didn't take my (3rd-grade!) studies seriously enough...

All my teachers would tell her, "Joanne is such a sweet child who always smiles, but she doesn't pay attention in class because she keeps socializing!"

I get moved from one table to the next because the table I'm at always becomes a non-stop fit of giggles and fervent whispers.

And, uhh, if back then you were to tell me to read a book? Excuse me while I yawn. I had no drive to learn. I just wanted to make new friends and play, play, play.

This worried my mother because it mirrored exactly how she was at my age. It wouldn't be until many, many years later that I'd learn my mom (as the second youngest of six and with acres and acres of country farmland as her playgound) got herself in worse childhood pranks than I ever did.

So seeing a likeness of herself in me, my mom knew she had to curb my dislike for reading before it settled into a habit. You see, not liking to read can be quite an hindrance to one's education and verbal ability, especially for a child growing up in a bilingual household.

Therefore one afternoon, for some random scape I got myself into, I was punished with a 1 hr "time-out" at the kitchen table while my mom prepared dinner.

With one special condition.

I was to read this book she had bought me a couple of weeks ago. A book that, when it wasn't collecting dust in the corner, could be seen swatting at cobwebs around the house.

It's funny how Life works sometimes. That afternoon something happened for me, something just clicked. What started out as resentful reading turned into an endless discovery of a brand-new world. For even after my mom told me that my "time-out" was up, I remained in my seat, wholly engrossed with the pages in front of me.

This marked the successful conversion over to bookworm-ism.

Although, I think my mom got way more than she bargained for.

For she started hearing quite a different story from my teachers, like "Joanne is such an intelligent child, but she doesn't pay attention in class because she keeps reading and reading!"

I would devour my teachers' bookshelves. I simply could not get enough to satisfy my hunger.

And, this hunger has stayed with me. However, it's not limited to new books...I like to re-read books, too.

It's why I keep all of my old books, every single one of 'em! Which sometimes makes me feel like a stingy hoarder for adamantly refusing (yet again) to add any books of mine to the donation collection of old ones (past textbooks included) my parents give to the public library every few years.

Now, I'm not saying this just because I happen to be a chronic bookworm...there's much benefit to be had from re-reading books. True, the words remain the same. A second or even third read doesn't change that.

But, as the reader, I will change.

Three years later, the very same sentences can take on new meaning for me. Three years later, some experience allows me to be able to relate to the same-old book in a different way or on a whole new level.

Three years later, I can appreciate my books even more.

Since I've started writing regularly again, this complusion to re-read has expanded to things I've written in the past. Particularly if I'm going through a rough patch.

Or if I start to feel unsteady in my step. If I know a thought could be driving me in the wrong direction. I'll re-read these posts of a past to remind myself of all the reasons there was a need for me to make certain decisions in the first place.

So, I use my written memories, to...remember.

Remembering reasons that remain as valid as ever.

I refuse to repeat the past.

Wednesday, August 29

In Transit

Helplessness
is a transitory condition...

The ability to stand and walk on one's own feet is the permament and common one.

-Erich Fromm-


Self-doubt is a frequent visitor to my life.
Although, not because of a lack of self-esteem. I think it stems more from an acknowledgement for the uncertainty of Life.
Of being only human.
I can and will confidently (or some might call it young bravado or what have you) walk my own path. Yet that doesn't mean I won't stubbornly question each decision every step of the way!
For looking back in regret is something I'd rather not suffer.
I much rather understand (and admit) that even if I could go back...be given the same situation in the same point in my life, I wouldn't have done it any other way. Probably couldn't have, either. I live to experience, and hopefully, I learn. So I strive to improve, and thus, I seek.
Ergo, I end up with some pretty freakin' ridiculously tough questions...and well, as you might imagine, some very unwelcome periods of self-doubt as well.
~~~
"You look different."
"Really?! What do you mean?"
"I saw you walking in front of me, and I thought, 'Is that Joanne? No, that's not her...wait! It is!"
I laugh. "Yoga must've really done something to me, huh? Do you know, I'm down to the same weight I was last Thanksgiving break when I got food poisoning. Remember that?"
[I lost 12 lbs in 3 days, it was NOT fun. Particularly strong in my memory is how I could only watch as my family merrily wolfed down sushi and other Japanese goodies at Narita Airport in Tokyo. Boy, was I sorely tested.]
"Yes, I do. But, wow! Your body shape has changed somewhat...it's different." She's in her fitness-trainer-mode now (meaning she's giving me the head-to-toe inspection), "You look very healthy."
"Well, thanks," I reply before admitting with a chuckle, "I'm also a LOT happier now!"
She nods. "It shows."
~~~
It's true.
Honestly, three months ago? I was only 6 lbs more but was also lugging around this hefty load of invisible baggage. Or, so I thought was invisible. For my more astute friends (and immediate family members, esp. my mom), some things showed despite my putting-up-of a brave front.
Although, it now seems to have been more of avoidance and denial than any thing brave. You know, just like how there are some things you can't run from. That you shouldn't run from. That remain there until you finally work up the gumption to confront it.
At last, I think I can fully understand why every single one of my friends (female and male alike) did not like my former...um, what do I call him when I can't simply say his name (as I do to friends who knew him)? Well, psuedo ex-boyfriend will have to do.
So lately, I've been riding this spurt of re-ignited self-love and renewed appreciation for all it's worth. Besides being in that honeymoon phase where I'm falling in love with my friends all over again after summer separation...for the FIRST time in my life, I really love, love, love my classes.
I know! Doesn't that sound weird?
And, I've got yoga at least twice a week worked conveniently into my schedule. I've been gauging my body's response, paying attention to what I eat because I truly care. I want to continue enjoying that feeling of doing something good for my body...mind and spirit.
Now don't get me wrong. I've still the usual run-of-the-mill worries, and some latent ones, if my dreams are any indication (what? being a pirate king's daughter?!).
But, I'm not as...anxious.
I worked hard to land on my feet. And here I am, finally seeing how I can use them to walk across new possibilities.
It's funny how I realized in yoga class today that hey!...they actually looked quite pretty!
(sometimes, I'm just so weird like that)

Thursday, August 23

We Did Prevail

They have those words printed on the glasses at Sharkey's.
I want one!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, since I'm no longer an university official (Resident Advisors are considered as such), I feel more comfortable writing about my observations/opinions. And, one of these days I'll publish a post about that day and what I did--I didn't before because RAs weren't allowed to talk to the media (ack, I know, as if personal blogging counts, lols).

And, THIS I gotta share.

We have a police officer making rounds around the Drillfield. Which sounds pretty routine right? Right. We had that before April 16th (albeit less frequent compared to now).

...but he was on a Segway.

I'll try to get my hands on a picture to show. They're these really nifty white ones. I think there might be some logo of sort, didn't quite catch it since I was busy trying to pick up my dropped jaw.

First time I caught a glimpse I was on the phone with my mom and I just started sputtering. I think I laughed in surprise. Our university has changed so much since my freshman year, and I'm not talking just about the tragedy. However, it does seem like it always takes an event to speed up change. Breaks my heart when it has to be tragic. Other less publicized, but just as transforming changes have ocurred years before. And, HELL yeah I'm still bitter that they chopped off unannounced that gorgeous big old tree to build another engineering building. I wanted a chance to protest.

But back to the segway...because it still blows my mind. Kath summed it up best with her usual dry humor, "They must feel so powerful, all they need to do is lean forward." We laugh of course because that's what you do when you hit upon some absuridity of life, even though I'm sure we both feel soothed by the show of support.

Still, it's really...weird.

Police presence is so high on campus--in addition to our own University police force, the Blacksburg police, we now have the state police. That's another thing I miss about my RA work, the close interaction with the police force. They're such sweethearts. Just this morning, one stopped by the Judicial Office to "get a break from the heat" and chat while I was doing my judicial office hours. He was so friendly and really yapping it up in cute southern twang.

However, afterwards it did make me wonder if with all the extra police here...they must feel sort of bored at times.

I mean, I as much as I love Virginia Tech, I can imagine that it can get old watching the freshman with their brand spanking new bookbags go wander circles because every building looks the friggin' same. Deer-in-the-headlight look is quite hard to miss. So is the loud obnoxiousness.

Okay, I'm being mean. I actually don't mind freshman so much. Really, most have grown on me. Especially since last year practically all my residents were freshman--one of the best gifts they gave still give me is their unbridled enthusiasm...for everything.

"Joanne!!!!! When are you gonna come visit our apartment??? It looks so cute, you have to see it!!!!!"

"Joanne!!!!! Why aren't you an RA anymore?? But you were the coolest one!!!!"

"Joanne!!!!! You're taking the Human Sexuality course?? That's so awesome....we wanted to, but it was full!!!!!"

"Joanne!!!!! You promised that you'd party with us when you were no longer our RA, remember?"

Haha, as you can see. Verrrry refreshingly...energizing!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, all the exclamation points in the world are not enough to convey. Chatting with them is like taking a shot of expresso.

Hm. Make that a double-shot. =)

Saturday, August 18

This Is The 10-Year Start

Granted it's hard enough living out those yearly resolutions (or living up to yearly forecasts). Ha! Well, try doing a 10-year one. I know, sometimes completing a daily To-Do List is complicated enough, so why jump to 10 years all of a sudden?

All because I read what Katharine Hepburn said "Wouldn't it be great if people could get to live suddenly as often as they die suddenly?"

Only I don't quite agree.

I wouldn't be so quick to think it that great. Call me morbid or pessimistic or whatever but no matter how sudden death is, one can be damn sure it's permanent. Whereas to suddenly live an epiphany is not...so continuous.

These passionate and appreciative moments always come and go in bursts. Bursts to live for (literally). For me, to live 'suddenly' is one thing while to continue to do so is much more deserving of the epithet 'great.'

This is beacuse in Chinese culture (or at least, as taught in the household I grew up in), a person's life is viewed in 10-year cycles, usually alternating the good and bad. Not every decade is going to be easy-sailing, but neither will it stay forever in the dumps. And if you pay attention, like correct any personal failings you may have and perservere wisely in shaking out a rough patch...you could very well end up successfully riding out each 10-year cycle with the maximum benefits.

Sweet, right. Although really easy to forget when seemingly insurmountable obstacle after obstacle is thrown at your feet.

I'm wondering, "Wouldn't it be great if I had more of that faith my mom has in my next (current) 10 year cycle?"

Maybe it's like losing weight slowly, you confront yourself in the mirror every day and don't see any discernable progress (and some days see regression!), but other people notice the difference....

Oh, this decides it! I'm the harshest self-critic, and in all likelihood, the most blind as well.

Tuesday, August 14

If I Swear My Hair Isn’t Asian

Then what am I?

Because I swear my hair is suspiciously Very UN-Asian-like.

Admittedly, I am--by no means--an expert on Asian hair (or on anyone's hair for that matter). Even my self-proclaimed 'expertise' in dealing with my own hair is rather dubious at times. However, I do possess a not-always-favorable-and-experienced opinion on this unruly mass momentarily restrained by several clips to a somewhat respectable entanglement.

Oh wait, did I say unruly in that run-on sentence? I meant curly.

Yeah, that's right. I'm this five-foot-nine Chinese girl with naturally curly hair.

Which right now isn't its natural black, but a dark reddish-brown. You see that picture (taken in March 2007) on the side bar? It’s me…but with straightened hair. So, don’t be fooled.

Yours truly really is that tall Asian girl afflicted with curly hair, for life.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are many days when I appreciate (and yes, even feel some kind of lucky to have) these curls…

This is NOT one of those days.

Before I was introduced to Charles Darwin way back in elementary science, I was this blissfully ignorant kid who thought my wisps of curling tendrils were due to my mom's permed hair (haha!). Seeing every other Asian girl (this includes my younger sister) with naturally straight and thick hair, I didn't know how else to accept mine. Even the years after evolutionary biology shot down my naïve theory, I still don't know how to explain it. Everyone in my immediate and extended family is Chinese (last I checked).

By middle school, I went through a phase of denial and repeatedly blew-dry my hair straight, inadvertently damning it to a hideously frizzy mass (the memory so scars me that to this day I refuse to touch a hair-dryer). I went on to become a big fan of the ponytail and wore the messy bun practically every day, a style my mom claimed made me look like a spinster and my dad teasingly dubbed as "Bird's Nest Head." It wasn't until high school that I started embracing the truth, but then I was introduced to the oh-so wonderful ceramic straightener by my college roommate.

However, I'm not a morning person and I’ll be honest…I’m naturally lazy and do not like spending more than 15 minutes on hair and make-up whenever possible. And!!!! I found that after straightening my hair and showering, my hair curled even more!

I kid you not.

Oi. When you can’t beat ‘em…better off loving those personal quirks.

Gotta say though, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed baffling many a hairstylist in my young life.

;)


IF YOU'RE GOING THROUGH HELL, KEEP GOING.
Winston Churchill