Debatable Debacles

Yes. I am a nerd. This has already been established.

So really, it shouldn't come as a surprise that sometimes I like to play a little devil’s advocate with myself. This format of expressing thoughts is taken from This Fish, whose writing I adore. It helps me shift through the emotions a little more smoothly. Just a little, mind you.

And sometimes, if I’m lucky…I’ll hit upon an epiphany.


So, are you secretly wanting more?
Well, I've sent him the email where I admitted some things, guaranteeing we'll both step back.
This is a yes or no question.
Um…
Well?
Yes, damn it. Of course, I want more. But silliest thing is that I don’t even know what I want more of anymore.
Then why keep torturing yourself w/ such close communication?
It’s just called keeping in touch.
Okay, then. Who else do you ‘just keep in touch’ with daily and with over page-long emails?
Um. No one else. Ever.
Then why are you doing it, you idiot!?
Fine! I’m a masochist.
That’s an excuse. Old and lame.
Maybe so, but it’s forcing me to get used to thinking of him as just a good friend and not my lover anymore.
Or potential significant other?
Or potential significant other.
So, you mean if he found a hot Swedish girl, you’d be alright?
NO!
You’re pathetic.
Shutup. I’m honest.

Okay, so not quite the epiphany I had hoped for.