the laid.back Buddhist has MOVED...back!

Monday, November 5

WARNING: With Strings Attached

They say girls can’t separate love from sex like guys can.

And while I’m sure there are exceptions out there—perhaps with dire consequences—I’m not one such exception. I may love without strings attached, but every action of mine does come with my heart attached.

Sounds morbid. Although actually it just means that everything I do is driven by my feelings.

Which definitely makes for a tricky situation if one’s lover was one’s friend but not one’s boyfriend (but twas an educational experience nonetheless).

Girls are generally unfazed, but it amuses me like no other when some of my guy friends get momentarily thrown off by the quick kiss on the cheek I occasionally give as we hug good-bye, usually spur-of-the moment or if we haven’t seen each in a long time. It’s akin to how when you see children bump their head against a table…if you don’t make an issue out of it, guess what? IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

Plus, who doesn’t like a friendly kiss (or two!) on a cheek? It’s so sweet!

You see, I love it when the initial, potentially awkward grey-phase with a guy is over and you both know that the relationship is purely platonic. I get to be greeted with kisses! Strong bear hugs that spin me around!

And have frank conversations such as this:

In response to hearing that I'm taking a Human Sexuality course this semester, Tony, one of my more sexually open-minded male friends (it must have something to do with his Latin blood) asked me when he came down for the deflating BC game aka Tyrod-Taylor-is-not-allowed-to-sprain-his-ankle-EVER (and I don't even like football!) only one question about it:

“So, do you know where the G-spot for men is?”



27 Musing(s):

dcr said...

Plus, who doesn’t like a friendly kiss (or two!) on a cheek? It’s so sweet!

Let's just kill that notion, shall we? Take it in a back alley, beat it, stomp on it, kick it some more and then toss it in a dumpster.

It'll be fun.

Joanne said...

Dan: You're breaking my heart here! ;) I'm a big fan of giving/receiving a kiss on the cheek. Of course, I don't do this with all my friends (everyone's preferences are different), but jeez such harsh imagery is seriously bruising the heart... =P

Valley Girl said...

Okay, pop quiz: where is it? Just wondering.

jon said...

"I’m not one such exception. I may love without strings attached, but every action of mine does come with my heart attached."

It's the proper orientation toward sex and intimacy. We were never supposed to be able to relate to the opposite sex in a way where sex was no more than a handshake.

For me, sexual intimacy is a symbol of my unwavering commitment as well as my love to my lover. She should know that my heart is 100% inextricably entwined in what is one of the paragons of non-verbal expression of the consummate bond of love. As such, I'm basically screwed, no pun intended, from that point forward.

A kiss on the cheek, a hug, between friends is wonderful. I'm a big hugger, kisser. Everyone gets one. It runs in our family. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I feel for people who don't have that kind of human touch in their lives. It makes life wonderful, enjoyable and in the tough times, bearable. :)

The Lisa Show said...

I had to laugh at Dan's comment.

Personally, I steer clear of kissing guys on the cheek. Guys easily misinterpret this as something else. They're a fragile bunch, men. Hehe.

awannabe said...

Are you aware that there is a geometrical pattern to your bloggroll lists? Did you do that on purpose? Thanks for linking to my site btw...

Mr. Grudge said...

"Although actually it just means that everything I do is driven by my feelings".

You may be driven by your feelings, but men are driven by hormones...that are all sitting on enough testosterone to launch the space shuttle. A kiss on the cheek, even when platonic, can light a fuse a guy can't put out, unless he jumps into the shower. That would be a very COLD shower. Good post.

~Mike~ (mr. Grudge)

Joanne said...

VG: The anus, which is a hotspot of nerves for females as well.

Jon: Aw, thanks. I’m aware that sometimes such love can be overwhelming, but when it’s given without anything expected in return…people are generally flattered and feel very lucky. Hahaha, every once in a while, I myself will be pleasantly surprised when certain friends occasionally greet me (or in farewell) with a kiss on the hand. It’s old-school chivalry-ish, but when a guy can pull it off…Iove it. My dad isn’t a naturally very physically expressive person, and actually he still gets embarrassed sometimes when saying “I love you” to me over the phone (yeah, think very traditional Asian man). HOWEVER, my mom’s really expressive nature has converted him over the years, lols! =)

Lisa: Haha, I laughed, too. LOLs, that reminds me of what my mom said the other wknd when I went home…she said that we don’t really grow up until we’ve lost a parent (and for men, it’s more specifically when they lose their dad).

Awannabe: You’re welcome! And, yup! It was done on purpose, I liked the flow it gave my sidebar.

Mike: Hahahahaha, you crack me up! Yeah, I’m well-aware. But mainly I’m careful with whom I greet with a kiss because I don’t want to lead a guy on. Even then, a guy may not be used to such treatment (lols) so gauging his reactions I may or may not repeat it.

dailytri said...

I voted for ya!

As for the cheeky it. But I think that's something more mature guys appreciate, when only 75% of our daily thoughts are focused on sex vs. the 99% for males in the 15 - 30 age bracket.

Joanne said...

DT: (thanks for the vote =) HAHAHA, oh that's funny! I think it also has to do with one's upbringing and cultural influences...purely handshakes in greeting is definitely an American style of doing things. Asians, in general, are similarly distant with openly showing physical affection, too.

Nola said...

It's good that you know you aren't one of those girls that are the exception. I learned that in my late 20s after much heartache (I am a slow learner, alas!).

Valley Girl said...

Joanne: Ah, yes. I should've known that. =)

Toadee said...

For me a kiss on the cheek is always platonic and there is no other message it conveys.
This is because I don't do subtle so I only get the message that there is more to a relationship when it's full on (and even then I usually think it's a case of mistaken identity)

Joanne said...

(eeps! Sorry for all the ppl subscribe to this comment thread for deleting and reposting comments!)

Nola: Thanks...though it does mean that for a guy to get that close to me takes time. I mean, there's giving, love, and the openness I have with all my friends and then there's another sort altogether for the person I give my heart to.

VG: LOLs! Hahaha, no problem at all...when he asked me, even I had to do some quick recall thinking before I could answer confidently. ;)

Toadee: That’s similar to how I view it. I’m only driven to give a kiss on a cheek by how I’m feeling at the moment, it’s honest and sincere. A kiss on the corner of the lips or directly on would DEFINITELY be an indication, and thus is only reserved for one person…er, at a time, lols.

Joanne said...

PS: Hi, Tim! I forgot your username was a "toadee"....I really ought to double-check site links before responding to comments.

Anonymous said...

"Which definitely makes for a tricky situation if one’s lover was one’s friend but not one’s boyfriend (but twas an educational experience nonetheless)."

what do you mean by lover? sexual or emotional?

Joanne said...

Anonymous: I wasn't aware that there were different kinds.

Anonymous said...

well in today's context, the term lover is often misused and often implies a sexual relationship, which may or may not involve an emotional relationship

Joanne said...

Anonymous: It was both for me. Do I know you? Your IP address is from VT...if I'm looking at the right one. If I do, you ought to stop being anonymous.

zesty said...

LTTP! I only have a couple female friends with whom I have exchanged friendly kisses on the cheek that have been nothing more than that. I think it's a fairly easy gesture to be misconstrued, but I'm a big fan of it. I love my friends, so why not be able to show it with a non-romantic kiss? Maybe a "hey it's been great seeing you, let's do this again soon" backrub by candlelight? What's the big deal?

Joanne said...

Zesty: What does LTTP mean? HAHA, backrubs are a fine line to walk...I've only given a few (and only for a special reason, i.e. a friend had just come back depressed and sore from army training, pulled their back, etc) back massages non-romantically for my guy friends. I don't know, though, backrubs can make for excellent foreplay...def. quite a different experience than a friendly kiss on the cheek!

meleah rebeccah said...

"I may love without strings attached, but every action of mine does come with my heart attached"

Yes yes....

"everything I do is driven by my feelings."


I swear you could have written this about me.

Joanne said...

Meleah: Ahahaha, I love your YES's! They sound almost...orgasmic, lols! ;)

StHalcyon said...

That is the one reason why I tell my female friends who have ever broached the "friends with benefits" idea: No matter how many rules we may lay down, in the end, someone is going to feel more than the arrangement, and someone is going to get hurt.

I think both men and women have had their share of problems separating the lines.

Joanne said...

John: So true. I've only wanted such "benefits" for someone I liked, so (1) feelings are involved from the get-go and (2) that person is probably already informed by yours truly that feelings were involved. The tricky thing for me is that I learned from the last time that I went ahead with it...I KNEW my heart was going to be broken, but I also knew I was going to follow my heart regardless (what I didn't know was that the other's person's feelings started getting involved and man, things really got tricky). But yeah...I can't do one-night stands and I can't keep a FWB for long or w/o suffering consequences.

Chris C said...

The g-spot for men is anywhere on the body hehe.

While I am here can you change my link to Angry Seafood ( Thanks :)

Joanne said...

Chris: Done =)

Winston Churchill