Houdini's Act II

The Academia Nutcase

I think I’ve always been escaping from one thing or another. For someone who strives to be accountable for her actions towards others, it’s a hard thing to admit that I was escaping from being accountable to myself.

It's an even harder thing to admit why...

I need my second disappearing act:

[2.] To focusing more on my studies and building up clinical work. Is this what I really want to do? To be honest, I always put in average or slightly above-average. If something was going well in one area, I’d let another area slip a bit so that overall I’d still be the same person.

I was afraid. I was lazy. I wanted to push the limits of mediocrity and below as much as possible when instead I should’ve been pushing forward. I excel in every other aspect (standardized tests, sports, being well-rounded, extracurricular, being a daughter, big sister, friend, etc) of my life except for my academics. Why?

I put my heart into what I want to do, into everyone I love and care for. I am what can be termed as the characteristic ‘bleeding heart humanist.’ But I had trouble finding that same passionate heart in my studies. For some reason, I felt obligated and I resented such sort of obligated feelings. Such turn of thought caused me to wonder often that perhaps I’m in the wrong major? I had an idea, but not a well-formed one, of what I wanted to do. So, I said I didn’t know yet and time flew by. Now, I do know…I cannot live without being driven by my own passion for it.

Good thing I believe in it's never too late.

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Act I - The Johnson Ladies
Act III - The Love Life