And you are?

I do believe it’s been a month. Miss me?

Well, I definitely missed blogging.

Chidings for unceremoniously giving the blog the cold shoulder wouldn’t be undeserved, but as even my closest friends know, I disappear over break, rarely seeing even them. It’s the time I set aside for self-recovery and spending the days with my family (with only a handful exceptions over the past couple of years). It’s always a relief for me to cut off the cell, the relentless email, and my time-consuming laptop…it’s almost as if disconnecting ironically allows me to re-connect myself.

Oh, but it’s certainly good to be back, as hectic as Life will soon undoubtedly become again.

There was a delay because I wanted to make sure my new self-hosted (using Siteground thanks to Cooper’s recommendation) Wordpress site was presentable first. Yes, you read that correctly. The laid.back Buddhist received a fully upgraded make-over. With a new color scheme, layout, and pages—I even switched up the quotes!

Now, it was supposed to be super secret until this post, but some of you have already discovered its existence. There are even people who subscribed to the new feed before I even got a chance to, which certainly worked on inspiring me to get a move on it! But just a heads up, there’s still some tweaks left (i.e. finish adding links, adding some plugins, etc).

Anyhow, I’m keeping this Blogger site up to prevent broken links (aka I refuse to lose my 200+ Technorati rating, ha). Plus, since it’s the New Year, I thought it rather fitting to have a completely new site, too.

Ahem. Of course, I realize that it’s been 2 weeks since Jan. 1st.

But! Luckily, the inherent procrastinator is also a laid-back Buddhist who celebrates the Chinese New Year.

Without further digression:

Welcome to the laid.back Buddhist 2008!

Come on over. =)

Reminder to Vote Me!

Sure, I like the number 3 a lot.

It's one of those numbers I'm fascinated by. However, it loses some of its appeal when 3 is for being stuck at 3rd place for all eternity (yes, I'm aware I'm implying eternity to end on Nov. 8th, the last day to vote!). It's just that a gal likes to change it up a little...you know, with your support of course!

So please help me appreciate the number 3 again by getting me to 2nd place. In fact, I can see myself really appreciate being stuck at 3rd place more if in the end I manage to reach 1st place, ha! ;)

Thanks for all the overwhelming support so far!

You people have proved that bloggers totally ROCK.

Because Life's Not Bad...

...or at least, generally not as bad as we often think it is.

"Baby was up all night again crying. I'm not 100% sure but I have a feeling she was up crying out of embarrassment over how badly her mom is getting her ass kicked in the polls." - Mrs. Furious

I read that on the Weblog sidebar and could NOT STOP LAUGHING!!!

After checking out her category to see how the sassy Ms. Furious was really faring, I realized that my 200-some votes behind is actually quite marginal in comparison to her 1,000-plus-some votes needed to surpass the leading contestant.

Anyhow.

Thanks for voting, showing such continual support AND for using this as an opportunity to mess around with my mind...

YC:Oh shucks what if I clicked the wrong button??
JK:Hm, if you clicked the wrong button I don't think there's anything to be done...I guess you'll just have to make sure you click the right one for the next 24 hr period? LOLs!
YC:LOL! I was just kiddin', Joanne :)

*whew!*

I’m so freakin’ gullible...and the Internet seems to compound such gullibility.

And just now starting to realize that this whole Weblog Awards thing...?

It's kind of a big deal.

VOTE ME for Best Diarist?

I am in awe*.

Thanks to everyone’s support, Cooper’s** nomination carried me through...to become a 2007 Weblog Awards FINALIST.

Suh-weet!

However, that means the real hardcore voting has now officially begun:

Click HERE to cast your vote!

To give underdogs a fighting chance, individuals are allowed to vote ONCE every day. The voting period extends til Thursday, Nov. 8th, so please help a girl out these next 6 days by voting for yours truly.

And then who knows?!

I might actually have a decent shot at winning this thing!

In fact, I might even feel bold enough by the show of support to hold a no-bounds (eeps!!) “You Q; I’ll A” session to celebrate afterwards…

Was that a bribe in not-so-subtle disguise?

Why, of course. ;)

I mean, did you seriously expect anything LESS devious from a...well, deviant laid-back Buddhist?!

Plus, you ought to realize how firmly I believe in the whole point of learning rules simply to figure out which ones to bend and break.

(JUST KIDDING…um, hi Kevin!)

So have at it!

This is especially targeted at those 80-some feed readers who may have already (or not) de-lurked your lovely, witty selves.

Yes, that was a blatant (albeit sincerely meant!) attempt at cajoling flattery.

Anyhow. Feel free to leave a comment so that I may gush excitedly, give personal thanks, and send IOU's of back massages...

You know, the works.
_____________________________________________________
*and as such, my competitive (good-natured, ‘course!) instinct has kicked into overdrive.
**Cooper made finalist herself: Vote WONDERLAND OR NOT!

In Action, We Take

WHAT GOES AROUND…COMES AROUND – JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

“What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around…”

Today is (still!) Blog Action Day. The topic is environment. And I’m a big music junkie.

As you will see, those three things are somehow related.

For starters, the music should keep you company as I’ve got quite a lot to say…

CRUISIN’ – GWYNETH PALTROW & HUEY LEWIS

“You're gonna fly away
Glad you're goin my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Music is played for love
Cruisin' is made for love…”

…and love is shared to be spread.

When we love this world we live in, we’re also loving ourselves more.

In fact, we end up loving each other better.

And who doesn’t love that?

Yet we’re only human to boot and still manage to take a lot of things for granted.

Technology was here before we were born (unless you’re older than dirt ;) and it only continues to get better. We could persist in using today’s technology to feed our excesses or we could support the development of more efficient technology to moderate our energy waste.

The United States is the #1 consumer of practically everything, from drugs to oil. And when a country is only 231 (or 218 yrs-old, depending on when you want to start counting), we not only have a lot of land space to take for granted but way more resources than older countries to deplete as well.

It simply isn’t enough to help the environment when you only support alternative energy sources, such as coal, natural gas, nuclear, or renewable energies (85% of which comes from wind).

It won’t change our bad environmental habits either.

There’s no such thing as a quick fix.

And if there were, you can bet millions upon millions that there WILL be consequences for taking shortcuts.

So while going green is smart, it does take time as well. It takes time to develop more energy efficient cars, homes, buildings, and…people.

Therefore, as much as we all appreciate the technological advances in our lives, we shouldn’t forget the basics.

Ride a bicycle, or even use your own two feet more often!

Try it. They say walkers have better hearts anyhow.

CALLING ALL CARS – SENSES FAIL

“Calling all cars we've got another victim
'Cause my love has become an affliction
I'm sorry but I think I failed to mention…”

…to mention that, um, my family drives not one but two SUVs.

If Life were a Greek tragedy, it seems this would be our tragic flaw.

However, until we switch our 1999 Toyota 4runner and 2002 Toyota Sequoia for a hybrid or smaller car (my parents dislike buying new cars too often), having these gas-guzzlers actually reminds us to drive less and more economically.

For example, my parents would rather go to the pool at 5:30 AM to beat rush hour traffic. Afterwards, my dad goes off to work (taking the Metro) while my mom gets all her errands done in one trip before heading home by 9 AM. It’s also a habit for my family to plan the best route for what needs to get done by thinking more efficiently. You see, a typical Sunday at my house is as follows: sleep-in, fruit breakfast, lunch, 2 hrs at the local library, 3 hrs at the health club, quick dinner and groceries at Whole Foods.

Ah, the exciting life we lead.

Anyhow. Sure our cars have the potential to waste more oil but that’s just one thing to be aware of. Being pro-environment or leading a more energy-efficient life is not based on simply ONE thing.

It’s a collective effort. And a continuous action.

We don’t use plastic trash bags but instead re-use the brown paper bags from Whole Foods. We make our own compost for my mom’s Impromptu Garden. We converted from 5-gallon plastic bottled water to having glass bottled water sent to our house…and then, a couple of years ago we stopped that completely and just installed a filter in our sink and boiled the water to drink.

And to be honest here, we actually stopped drinking from plastic bottled water primarily for health reasons not for the environment.

Either way it supports the fact that going green should affect every aspect of your life.

Because green is good…for our own sake.

APOLOGIZE - ONEREPUBLIC FT. TIMBALAND

“Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...”

I’m sorry. I forgot. I don’t have enough time. I didn’t realize.

Making an excuse is the easy way out. We do it all the time because taking the blame acknowledges our guilt.

And we are all guilty of waste, at one time or another.

“You did NOT just do that.”

“…what?” I look up from the trashcan.

“Take that plastic bottle out.” He orders me, “You’re recycling it.”

I stare at my friend in a mixture of sheepish incredulousness.

“It’s already in,” I half-plead in hushed undertones, “I’ll remember next time. Promise.”

“No!” He crosses his arms and I think we’re starting attract some curious stares, “You’re doing this now.”

Are all my friends this stubborn? Hell yeah, you betcha.

So what else do I do but reach into trash can, nonchalantly pull out the soda caffeine-fix that got me through a boring 90-minute class lecture, and properly dispose of it.

I’m sorry. I forgot. I don’t have enough time. I didn’t realize.

I won’t let it happen a second time.

BEAUTIFUL THINGS - ANDAIN

“Now what do I do
can I change my mind
did I think things through…”

Why is a mother’s love so beautiful?

It’s pure, unconditionally giving, and devoted.

We often call it Mother Earth, but have we been good children? Or have we been neglectful, self-absorbed, and spoiled?

If things happen for a reason, then every action we take (or don’t take for that matter) can mean something.

At the very least, it’s a reflection of us.

And we should appreciate this one life we lead on one beautiful earth.

UNTIL THE DAY I DIE – STORY OF THE YEAR

“We'll make the same mistakes
I'll take the fall for you
I hope you need this now
Cause I know I still do…”

Together, we take time aside to raise awareness, to encourage discussion and action, and to celebrate our environment.

For me, it’s also a reminder. One day for every day to come.

And it's similar to how marriage is not only about the Big Wedding Day.*

Wedding vows serve as a reminder that you’re committing to this love for a lifetime (and as life expectancy continues to rise, that’s a pretty darn long time!!!). Likewise, being kind to our environment (and helping others to do the same) is not a one-day thing.

Blog Action Day may only be 1 out of 365 days but let us continue this awareness every single day.

Up until the day we die.

DANCE FLOOR ANTHEM – GOOD CHARLOTTE

So what does Dance Floor Anthem have to do with the environment and Blog Action Day?

I’ve no idea.

It’s just the new favorite song I love to blast while dancing by myself in my room.

Because yes I like to do that.

___________________________________________________
* I tell you, I manage to relate any topic back to love and relationships. I’m quite the incorrigible cliché, huh?

Gender Roles Be Damned

I've always loved killing (free or not is entirely beside the point) time with personality quizzes.

It's an addiction and a fact.

So you know, I figured because Dan, Meleah, and Ann have chosen blog quizzes to highlight, it was My Turn to spotlight one...

You Are 28% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

Whoa, whoa...that's higher percentage than I expected, suh-weet.

But I am really annoyed with the last line,"Gender roles be damned, you like to do things your way." For it implies that having your own opinion or taking matters into your own hands are exclusively male characteristics.

That's sooooo 50 yrs ago!

It's heartening to see how certain traditional masculine traits have progressed to be attractive feminine traits as well. Hell yeah, I intend to be self-sufficient, financially independent, competitive (and yes, smack talk should be everyone's second nature), individualistic, and daring to defend my own beliefs.

I wouldn't want a man who expected any less OF me.

But if gender roles are dictated by societal expectations...well, Blogthings is damning the wrong perceptions. A more modern consideration would be to ask, how many typically feminine traits are thought to be attractive in a guy?

See, if it's considered a compliment for "a girl to be one of the guys," then why is it an insult for "a guy to be one of the girls"?

I personally appreciate that there are guys like Tyler in this world who can remain completely unfazed when 4 girls in a sappy-tearful-Becoming Jane-induced state come a'knocking, seeking the comfort of his big bear hugs but particularly the use of his fondue pot to dip things in chocolate with...

Yes, the guy owns a fondue pot AND has roommates who stock chai-green tea in their cupboard.

But back to the discussion of double standards.

If a person has an equal mix of male and female characteristics, he/she is considered androgynous...and is that so taboo?

I think not.

I believe it's a beneficial characteristic to encourage, to cultivate...in ourselves. To me, having an androgynous mind suggests a more open mind. It doesn't change a person's sex or sexual orientation. It only serves to expand the repertoire of how a person can think or behave.

So with all the unpredictability of Life, how can that be undesirable?

Adaptability is key to being laidback, Buddhist or not. And, breaking rules is such a satisfying way to live.

...because knowing you can surpass imposed limits is something like pure bliss.

Gender roles be damned, indeed.

Power of One

"WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF EVERY BLOG PUBLISHED POSTS ON THE SAME TOPIC, ON THE SAME DAY?"

October 15, a week from today, is Blog Action Day, and the theme this year is environment.

If you have a blog and want to join in, all you have to do is use that day to post something related to the environment, in whatever way, shape, or form you prefer. You can pick an environmental issue that has meaning for you and let us know why it's important.

Organize a beach or neighborhood cleanup and tell us about it. If you're into fiction writing, give us a story with an environmental theme. Have a podcast, videoblog, or photoblog? Join the fun! The idea here is to have a mass effect on public awareness by sharing as many ideas in as many ways as possible.

If you're game for participating, go register your blog with the 7,000+ other blogs (with 5 million readers!) that are already signed up. Also, see the Blog Action Day blog for more on how bloggers can change the world.

— Graham (of Blogger team)

This makes me very happy.

In fact, I'm so happy that the Topic is on Environment that I couldn't wait and had to publish this new post now, even though I usually try to finish replying to the comments of previous posts first.

Anyhow, I hope you rebellious non-conformists all hop! on the bandwagon for this one. ;)

But in order to Counteract the "Open" Tagging Conspiracy (courtesy of Dan and Pete), it's only deviously correct that I turn this into a massive viral tag...

DEFAULT TAGS: Dan; Pete

MONOSYLLABIC TRIO: Kath; Vy

BIGGEST GROUP TAG YET*:

In an effort to maximize promotion (only 1 week til the 15th!), I tried to pull from various niches and networks...as well as certain people I haven't given link love to in awhile...I'll be looking for a post from you all, deal?!

Chuck; Rolando; Kiasu-ness!; Lewis; Revellian; Daniel; YC; Chris C; Jon; Dailytri-ness!; Terence; Raqqash; Spiff-ness!; Brown Baron; Mike; 38Kia; Chessnoid; Snarky-ness!; Speedcat Hollydale; Cheynne C; LOBO; Delmer-ness!; Rich

Holly; Erina; Cooper; Dana; Sabrina; Brandy-ness!; Meleah; Stealth-ness!; Thinker; Terri; Sheila; Brookem; NOLA; Debo; Polli; Nessa-ness!; Miki; Morgan; Kyla; ChrissyJo; Thira

Whether you're tagged or not, drop me a line if you plan on particpating in Blog Action Day so I can check out your Environment article on Monday, the 15th!
______________________________________________
*So, listing name after name was FUN, but damn it took close to forever to individually link...I mean, who knew being deviously viral was so much HARD WORK?! ;)

20 Amusing Google Keyword Searches

Of all the many, many things I'm addicted to...

I'm also guilty of being a chronic site stats checker. So every once in a while, I'll check out my Google Analytics to see what sort of searches have induced people oh-so lucky folks to stumble upon the The Laidback Buddhist.

Here are my Top 20 Favorites:

1. Oprah Winfrey a Buddhist?
   
   Not that I know of, but if it counts for anything, I’m a Buddhist (albeit a failed one) and I absolutely ADORE Oprah!
   


2. Enjoy spoon position
   
   That I do. Very much. Words for the wise, guys who think cuddling is not important will have an Extremely Unhappy lady by their side...or not one at all.


3. I want to date a buddhist
   
   Is there a preference for any kind in particular? I mean, I know of a laidback one and she's pretty cool and er, laidback...despite developing a list of Courtship Rules. ;)
   


4. how to be laid back
   
   Just go with the flow, follow your heart, and don't think about it so much.
   


5. meaning of shady character
   
   Open to interpretation but here's one I encountered.
   


6. my hair looks like bird nest
   
   Ahh, yes. The Infamous Bird Nest. My dad's all-time favorite nickname for my bed head.
   


7. procrastination buddhism
   
   Now, this is my kind of language.
   


8. super high resolution buddhist
   
   For some reason, that sounds kinda hot.
   


9. too laid back?
   
   Impossible.
   


10. why people are laid back
    
    I think the better question is, why aren't more people laid back?
    


11. drunk chinese girls
    
    Wrong site, fella.
    


12. lazy buddhist
    
    Glad to know I'm not the only one who believes such a phenomenon exists.
    


13. how to coax out a splinter
    
    Try cursing it instead.
    


14. self-haircut tips
    
    Use thinning scissors, practice when hair is long, and split the haircutting over two days. Don't overcut, sometimes hair just needs time to grow into the cut.
    


15. what girls think of asian guys
    
    You won't believe how many google search hits I got along this line of thinking. Let's set the record straight: girls do like asian guys, okay? You're really cute and for the most part, pretty sweet. You're like any other guy, but you're also your own person. The most important thing is what you think of yourself...why should anyone like you if you don't like yourself?!
    


16. why you should date an asian guy
    
    Finally! Someone google-searching with a positive attitude...uh, right?
    


17. Buddhist widget
    
    Muahaha. I really like the way this person thinks.
    


18. my hair isn't growing
    
    I'm sorry. On the upside, you're not being highway robbed.
    


19. John Mayer's hands
    
    ...are uh-mazing. That's all you need to know.
    


20. what makes you a buddhist?
    
    My Chinese culture, my appreciation for Eastern philosophy, and my mother's family fortune teller.
    

You people crack me up!

The Time Where I Forgot To Follow My Own Advice

I’ve a confession to make.

Then again, it seems I’m always blog-confessing about something or another…

However, this confession is rather embarrassing since just the other day I gave this tip to anyone with an internet connection to read:

“Write for yourself first. Remember that it takes time, effort, patience…and above all, daring.”

But before I make that particular confession, I must confess that I actually have another confession I need to make beforehand (jeez, perhaps I should consider re-titling this post as “The Time Where I Overload Everyone With One Too Many Confessions”?).

Anyhow. The BIG news is that I’m officially one of the bloggers (I think there’s about 10 of us?) for my university’s newspaper, Collegiate Times (CT).

“Officially” meaning that I’m published and “published” meaning that my first blog article for the CT was posted last night.

Yay, me!

It’s interesting how unexpectedly these things result from a random culmination of chance chain-reactions:

1. girl meets boy


2. girl falls for boy


3. boy breaks girl’s heart


4. girl is miserable, decides she needs to find herself again and does so through writing


5. girl chooses blogging because she is inherently lazy when it comes to penning in a paper journal and has a perfectionist tendency to edit everything in sight


6. girl realizes that she actually really likes blogging…a LOT
   


7. girl discovers a deviously humorous blog-sparring partner, ever new communities of blogger-friends, and widgets that were born to be lusted after


8. girl is promptly (and seriously) addicted to blogging


9. girl begins revealing said blog addiction to her close friends


10. one of those friends is an English major who happens to receive a flyer asking for volunteer blog writers for the university's student-run newspaper


11. abovementioned awesome-slash-excellent English major friend forwards flyer to her blog-obsessed friend


12. girl conveniently forgets promise to herself to limit this year's extracurricular activities


13. ...thus, blog-obsessed girl seizes opportunity!

Now before I get too carried away with my story in list-frenzy form and end up exposing my embarrassing confession in the list form as well, I must admit that writing for my university newspaper’s blog feels VERY DIFFERENT from writing for my own blog, even though both are (to varying degrees) the same sort of informal personal writing.

You see, I’m required to stick to one category.

I know…quite the mind-boggling madness of a notion for a niche-free personal blog (aka a rather narcissistic place where I muse about anything and everything that strikes my fancy and how it all relates back to yours truly)!

Therefore, after much maddeningly mind-boggling thinking, I finally chose “Health” as my topic. I have some experience and a fair amount of knowledge, although I am by no means an expert. At the very least, I figured it’d be a broad enough subject to accommodate any impulsive tangent I might wander on to. Practical, huh? ;)

I also figured it'd ensure that I wouldn't drone on about the clichéd topic of "relationships, love and dating" for apparently I do enough of it already, if this is any indication.

So, I decided that my first post would be titled “Why More Men Should Take Yoga” and thought up a really catchy first-liner to introduce the article using a mild sexual reference.

“Why More Men Should Take Yoga

Well, besides the fact that they may feel like they’ve stumbled upon a piece of heaven in a room full of women and…mirrors.”

And that, my dear friends, is where I choked.

Because apparently writing for my peers—and by that I mean the people with whom I attend the same university—turns me into a self-doubting coward.

It was a sentence that I wouldn’t have hesitated to post on The Laidback Buddhist, but when I write for other people I was surprised to feel a need to censor myself out of fear for being considered inappropriate or unacceptable. Needless to say, I didn’t like that writer’s voice because it wasn’t entirely MY OWN. I had encountered something worse than Bloggler's Block and I had a choice to make. See, I adamantly refused to be dull but then was too scared to follow my own tip to be daring. To write for myself first.

And, oh boy, was it seriously hindering my ability to complete the CT blog article...to add to the problem, now I have DEADLINES to make!

So, there you have It.

My embarrassing confession of the time I forgot to follow my own advice.

I’m happy to report that I kept the original intro and finished writing “Why More Men Should Take Yoga” without restraining what I wanted to say by how I wanted to write it. Granted, the style is slightly different (e.g. more organized and a bit less casual) than my preferred writing style used for my personal blog…but I’m content because it’s still my voice behind my words.

I know this because I somehow managed to seamlessly work in “relationships, love, and dating” into the middle of an article for a "Health & Medicine" category.

No joke! To prove it, I shall proceed to…(narcissistically) quote myself:

“Now before a collegiate mass of single guys eagerly rush over to McComas Gym to flex their muscles for the unsuspecting ladies of yoga-hood during group exercise classes, I ought to warn how a person’s natural aptitude for balance might be an obstacle in their quest for, uh, yoga-enlightened love.”

Ha!

I laugh at Life, but it seems like Life always gets the last laugh.

Where The Quality Schtuff (Dsktp Wallpaper) At

I'm a sucker for aesthetically pleasing colors.

Example: if I found an article of clothing I really liked, I'd probably buy it in at least one other color as well. So while I've yet to give Dan my thoughts on his super-secret new test eCommerce site...as a woman, I sure hope it's got pretty colors! ;)

But I'm digressing (not to mention trying to score some hits, er...I mean, improve my blog with a sparring partner).

Anyhow, when Jon tagged me with the Desktop Meme (which I immediately completed as I've been notoriously procrastinating his Celeb Crushes one), I had several people asking me in the comments where I found the wallpaper called Colored Windows. Well, I prefer getting my desktop wallpapers from this site with free high-resolution wallpaper for all screen sizes called InterfaceLIFT.

I should take a moment to thank Vy for introducing me to this site when I had to get a new laptop last Spring because I temporarily plugged in my Ethernet cord across the middle of my bed and across the short gap to my desk...

(that idea sounds as bad as it was)

...so yeah.

My 4 yrs-old lightweight VAIO fell from my desk to the tiled floor, would only work in safe mode where the screen was an amusing-only-for-the-first-5-seconds 2" x 3" rectangle and (confirmed by Vinh when he extracted my hard-drive) pretty much kaputt!

Good news was that I got a laptop with a wider screen and lots of other neat-o abilities (amazing the difference 4 years will do to technology!) and promptly went hi-res wallpaper crazy for awhile.

So, join the frenzy. Spread it.

Phase of Paranoia

When this happens... oh, it makes me so unbelievably mad, mad, mad.

Like, I tell myself that people who plagiarize the past can't take away from the potential of the future. But the circular argument that future eventually becomes past and past can then be plagiarized makes me cynically pissed off all over again.

And, did I mention paranoid as well?

See, I previously had the CreativeCommons disclaimer at the bottom of my page. It's still there, but now I've added a little blurb at the top. And this copyscape banner (to find unauthorized duplicate copies on the web) that used to be at the bottom of my right sidebar has been moved to the top as well.

I wonder if this'll make any difference or if I'm straight-up deluding myself.

But either way, I don't believe I could stop writing.

I mean, a lack of time might prevent me, but only for a short while as that "Pummeling" has already been established as being irrelevant...

Complusive Re-reading

Just what the doctor ordered...

For some reason, I felt compelled to share a story of how a tomboyish wildchild got converted into a chronic bookworm. For believe it or not, I was a really wild little punk as a kid.

My days then consisted of running around with the neighborhood boys and getting ourselves into all sorts of lovely mischief.

Only my mom didn't think scabby knees and a recurring appearance of bush scratches to be as...lovely, to say the least.

Nor do I remember her being very fond of all the dirt and sand I tracked into the house every day. It also didn't help that my dad found my antics amusing and continually encouraged me to indulge in whatever craziness my daydreaming prompted me to try. However, my mom's main worry was that I didn't take my (3rd-grade!) studies seriously enough...

All my teachers would tell her, "Joanne is such a sweet child who always smiles, but she doesn't pay attention in class because she keeps socializing!"

I get moved from one table to the next because the table I'm at always becomes a non-stop fit of giggles and fervent whispers.

And, uhh, if back then you were to tell me to read a book? Excuse me while I yawn. I had no drive to learn. I just wanted to make new friends and play, play, play.

This worried my mother because it mirrored exactly how she was at my age. It wouldn't be until many, many years later that I'd learn my mom (as the second youngest of six and with acres and acres of country farmland as her playgound) got herself in worse childhood pranks than I ever did.

So seeing a likeness of herself in me, my mom knew she had to curb my dislike for reading before it settled into a habit. You see, not liking to read can be quite an hindrance to one's education and verbal ability, especially for a child growing up in a bilingual household.

Therefore one afternoon, for some random scape I got myself into, I was punished with a 1 hr "time-out" at the kitchen table while my mom prepared dinner.

With one special condition.

I was to read this book she had bought me a couple of weeks ago. A book that, when it wasn't collecting dust in the corner, could be seen swatting at cobwebs around the house.

It's funny how Life works sometimes. That afternoon something happened for me, something just clicked. What started out as resentful reading turned into an endless discovery of a brand-new world. For even after my mom told me that my "time-out" was up, I remained in my seat, wholly engrossed with the pages in front of me.

This marked the successful conversion over to bookworm-ism.

Although, I think my mom got way more than she bargained for.

For she started hearing quite a different story from my teachers, like "Joanne is such an intelligent child, but she doesn't pay attention in class because she keeps reading and reading!"

I would devour my teachers' bookshelves. I simply could not get enough to satisfy my hunger.

And, this hunger has stayed with me. However, it's not limited to new books...I like to re-read books, too.

It's why I keep all of my old books, every single one of 'em! Which sometimes makes me feel like a stingy hoarder for adamantly refusing (yet again) to add any books of mine to the donation collection of old ones (past textbooks included) my parents give to the public library every few years.

Now, I'm not saying this just because I happen to be a chronic bookworm...there's much benefit to be had from re-reading books. True, the words remain the same. A second or even third read doesn't change that.

But, as the reader, I will change.

Three years later, the very same sentences can take on new meaning for me. Three years later, some experience allows me to be able to relate to the same-old book in a different way or on a whole new level.

Three years later, I can appreciate my books even more.

Since I've started writing regularly again, this complusion to re-read has expanded to things I've written in the past. Particularly if I'm going through a rough patch.

Or if I start to feel unsteady in my step. If I know a thought could be driving me in the wrong direction. I'll re-read these posts of a past to remind myself of all the reasons there was a need for me to make certain decisions in the first place.

So, I use my written memories, to...remember.

Remembering reasons that remain as valid as ever.

I refuse to repeat the past.

The (Blogger) World Is Not Enough

No expectations. No limits.

Everything (and everyone for that matter) has the potential to become anything. Having seen this proved to me over and over again, I'll even be so bold as to say I'm starting to expect the unexpected. Doesn't the irony of life just slay you sometimes?

It certainly did just that to me.

I'll be honest here, I originally started blogging simply to vent personal woes. And in many ways that hasn’t changed at all. Yet, the whole feel and direction of "The Laidback Buddhist: Makes Her Way Step By Step" has flipped 360° from it's former and admittedly very emo-like title of "Play The Fool: Every Blue Moon."

…I’d like to think that it somehow reflects new direction for me.

Of change that’s taking me beyond anything I ever imagined. I believe that to truly have no expectations, no pre-judgments should be present either. It's all about approaching every opportunity with an open mind.

A professor of mine once said, “We explore when there are no answers.”

I immediately fell in love with her for that one sentence alone (well, besides the fact that she had an excellent taste in clothes). We explore because one answer just doesn’t cut it sometimes. She touched upon why it’s such an exhilarating feeling to learn how to do something new...and to do it well. It’s addictive. How can boredom exist when there’s always something waiting on the horizon to be discovered?

Life knows no bounds.

I always knew that. What I didn’t know was that blogging knows no bounds as well.

EXHIBIT A: MyBlogLog

Ah, that which I dub the MySpace for Bloggers.

(Miki)

I holler over to the next room, “I see you, Miki! You’re not doing work!”

“Wait, how do you see me?”

“My widget just showed that Mikkers visited." I laugh slyly, "You’re on MyBlogLog which means you're not doing work!”

...you understand, of course, that the very fact I knew this meant I wasn’t doing my work either.

(Dan)

You're E V E R Y W H E R E! I find "new" blogs here, and who's already a member? You! I read different blogs I find, and who's in the comments? You again! I guess you do have an addiction, don't you?

EXHIBIT B: Blog Catalog

I finally started showing Blog Catalog a lil' love last week, and it reciprocated tenfold. Partly because there's no limit on the number of friends and communities you can add per day (MyBlogLog maxes out at 15 per day)...so yours truly promptly became akin to something like a crazed social butterfly who just discovered how to use her wings.

Top 5 Favorite Features:

1. Meeting really awesome blogger-friends
2. Categorization and subcategorization of blogs
3. Shout-to-shout feature for the message box
4. Management of which notifications get sent to your email
5. Peer-review/ranking of blogs

EXHIBIT C: Technorati

My ever-diligent dueling partner Dan ought to get an extra point for calling this one.

In this post just six days ago, he noted that I had a Technorati rating of 11 and half-jokingly wrote that he'd try to increase the rating to 15 by the weekend (to garner an extra point in our unofficial duel). Well, the weekend came and went, and I woke up Monday morning to see that that my Technorati authority had jumped to 24 and had 61 blog reactions*!!

Now, do I get a point for exceeding expectations? I mean, this counts as evidence for the theory that sparring improves one's blog, yes?

EXHIBIT D: Importing to Wordpress

Don’t get me wrong. I think Blogger is awesome, and especially user-friendly for beginners experimenting with customization.

But it’s not enough anymore!

Who would've thought this would happen? Certainly not me.

I keep thinking I must have a malfunctioning version of feedburner or something. As my feed count climbs faster than a monkey these days.

And to think I was a tad skeptical when Dan warned me that my blog was growing fast.

So now, I'm in the midst of contemplating a big move over to a self-hosted wordpress account. Today, I imported the bulk of my Blogger posts/comments over to Wordpress and decided that I really like Bluehost for web-hosting (but am open to other suggestions?).

No expectations, no limits.

Right, except I've been educated in the 7 Ways Blogging Is Like Marriage and I think I may be afflicted with a case of pre-wedding jitters...

7 Reasons for Getting My Own Domain:

1. I like the freedom you get from using a self-hosted Wordpress blog
2. ...Wordpress is so very pretty
3. If I continue to blog (which I certainly plan on doing)
4. It's better to make a move now than later for the sake of my BlogCatalog and MyBlogLog communities, Technorati ranking, readers and feed subscribers, and future traffic/linkage.
5. I am a strong believer in the power of BAA!
6. I'm building a community
7. Because Dan will probably give me another one...

Final Verdict?

Blogging has exploded into my life.

It looks like it’s here to stay.

And, I totally owned Dan in link love with this single post. Yarr, score for the Pirate King's daughter!
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*EDIT: Apparently, by the time I finished writing/proof-reading this post and was just about to publish it...my Technorati authority suddenly became 25, with 63 blog reactions. I can't freakin' keep up! Love it.

When Addictions Get Contagious

Spread the Joy, baby.

I was planning to write this other entry about my random musing during my classes today, but I discovered really, really good news, which naturally took priority. A must-share-NOW! kind of news.

Not earth-shattering as I'm making it out to be, as it is to me. It's the blogs of two of my very good friends.

So in the order of my discoveries:

First. My good friend Kath has her own blog, which she started because (bare with my momentarily inflated ego) I did way back when... Okay, not so long ago and more like only a couple of months ago (if even), but it feels like I've been blogging for ages upon ages--it's become such an intergral part of my life and daily thought process, you know? I'm totally addicted to blogging, ha. That's why once I publish this entry, I'm hopping over to catch up with her entries at Sketching the Flow. And not just because I admire her so much or because I dearly love her sarcastic wit and downright lethal puppy-eyes look. I only know how to do the harmless puppy-eyes, definitely must work on finding my Inner Lethal...I swear, hers can melt glaciers and cut glass. Honest.

Second. I knew that Vy started one at the start of summer, but she refused to show despite much pleading (ya punk) until she finished tweaking. But she finally confessed that at her rate, her blog would end up never making its debut. I mean, it's fittingly called Slackholic™ for a reason, right.

On an unrelated note, this evening I got an email from... Well, put it this way, a blast from the past. However, like I said, I've already set time aside tonight for blogging (not emailing).

And, I'm not changing my plans. Some things can wait. I learned that this summer.

See how much I've...changed?

Nervous

...Doesn't even begin to describe my present internal state frazzled nerves. Although, on the outside, I just seem slightly quieter than usual (only my mom can detect any outward sign of stress, but then again she's mom).

See, I've lots to say right now, but with all the packing left to do and dealing with high-strung nerves (because my score release is between today and Friday, EEK!!!)...I really don't have the quality concentration it takes to flesh out a thought to a full-fledged post.

So instead I will draw attention to the left sidebar to a new list I started, "Sites of Varying Degrees of Interest."

Haha yes, I do frequent Men's Health, the sex and relationships column in particular. I'm always interested in the male perspective...and for improvement. And, I must admit, some of the most insightful advice and honest words have come from my guy friends. They rock.

Hm, this reminds me of another amusing personal quirk...or rather, it's more of a confession, but either way it'll have to wait.

Because if I sit in front of my VAIO any longer with no idea what my score is (or when I'll know), I'll surely go insane. If I haven't already.

Why Site Meter Is Bad for My Health

Writer's block never hits out of the blue.

You're welcome to disagree. But for me, I write about whatever I'm currently thinking and feeling.

Therefore, it means there's only two reasons I suffer writer's block:

1. I have too much to say and ambitiously want to say ALL of it at once
2. I attempt to write about something when my mind's full of another thing

Today is witness to a collaboration of both writer's blocks.

However, I figured it didn't matter--I mean, there's always something to say about...something. So, I started a post and exhausted my energies on the subject because I took so long in choosing a suitable title. No matter, I simply opened up a new post. But then, I couldn't decide on how to introduce it. Ever the trooper, I tried yet another topic...though it soon became quite clear that even a coherent fragment seemed beyoned my abilities. By this point, you can imagine how worried I was getting. Taking a break, I remembered I hadn't drank my green tea yet. So, caffeine brings a fleeting surge of inspiration, but unfortunately doesn't last far down enough to get a scrolling bar created.

And now? Now I have 5 consecutive saved drafts on Blogger.

Although draft is an overstatement of actual length. This is not writer's block and more like writer's strike...it's like some voice keeps saying, "I know what you're really thinking about."

So what is yours truly really thinking about?

Well, actually I keep cursing site meter. As I get a minor heart-attack every time someone from Germany stumbles across this page. Which happened twice the other day. I know, I know! After recovering, I realized that I needn't panic unless it's from Stockholm. Because the someone I've thought about so much in the past (and thus blogged often about) is still in Sweden and should not be in Germany yet.

Ahh, what a relief. Silly girl, you worry too much!

And then today, some innocent web-surfer comes along from...

Yep, you got it. Stockholm, Sweden.

Damn you site meter! A gal's heart can only take so much at a time.

She's Steppin' Baby Steps

Because the other day I did claim it all starts in the little things.

So, I'll admit. Yours truly has been putting up the good fight (but unfortunately for bad reasons) against doing these things:

1. Changing the label to something with the word "Past" included and something more...ordinary than "Formerly 365." That way if I were again prompted to write as if the past were the present, my tag would serve as a warning reminder. Good idea, neh?
2. Removing (before, I only lightened the font color and moved it from my header to the bottom of my blog) completely the quote of his words, "Remember the super stutter when you self-combust with joy." It's just that I really like that sentence...*pouts*...despite it being a chain-reminder that unleashes memories exponentially.
3. Coming to a conclusion about The Shoebox Syndrome, which I'm currently afflicted with.

I've promised myself to post conclusions on my "syndrome" (and make abovementioned two blog corrections) sometime in the near future. Like, hopefully today. Er, I suppose tomorrow would be just as fine, no? Or, maybe it's a better idea to wait until the end of this week, at least?

I mean, there's a reason why it's called baby steps.

Ack, STOP!

Seriously, I oughta stop this moping (and whining). And just make the leap already! You'll agree, I can't say I'm making a fresh start if all evidence points that I'm still at the top of the cliff. I must start at the bottom of the mountain again, right? New starts should be honest and genuine.

Plus, I'd rather think taking leaps off a cliff will be more exhilarating anyhow.

That is, if a heart-attack isn't suffered in the process. *knock on wood*

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5 PM, same day: 2 down, 1 to go! Sweeet.

Bloggish Tinkerings

Wow. And, that has got to be one of the worst post titles ever*.

That is, if your eyes can recover from all the blinding white my blog has become.

See, I can't change the fact that half of my posts are on a boy I wish I'd think less about (thus making it the biggest, literally, tag in my cloud), but I can change the dark look of old. I can, and have...obviously.

I found the unfathomable black comforting when I wrote about suffering the darkest hours of heartache. Damn, those days were bleak. Granted, I still have aches now...but all the depressing black was really starting to irk me. In fact, MORE irk-ish(?!) with every passing day! No longer comforting, and more like a symbol of the past. So, I felt that if I were to continue to post in black...well, it'd sort of be like I'm still in mourning of my lost heart, you know?

So, I've decided August is the month.

Fresh start on my blog-layout. Because it all starts in the little things.
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*edit: it's the next day, August 3rd and jeez am I so very, very tempted to change the title. Must. resist. editing. urge. (this one time, at least)
*post-edit: it's August 7th, the title still drives me nuts, but has somehow grown (!!?) on me. And so, it stays...

Fear Verbatim (and Sings Gloriously, too)

Holy shit. Holy Mother of Pearl.

Shiv (whose blog I like to read) and her Lucy Snowe Band have an upbeat song I just can't get enough of. The lyrics to "Twelve Two" are...perfect. Such range, and such a treasure. Go to their new Myspace page and listen to it. While reading these lyrics. Now.

You'll see hear what I mean. She has a great voice.

The song sharpens the outlines of a hazy fear which was always lurking in the back of my mind (this something, mentioned at the end of this old post, I gave up trying to figure out last week). THIS is what's been bothering me and my late nights. And, reading the lyrics (while repeatedly compulsively listening) bring out a truth I can't deny because hell, I can't ignore what's staring back at me right now from my computer screen.

It's all there, in black and white. What an 'aha!' moment.

What I fear--verbalized, celebrated and set to a catchy tune. I am reminded of what a part of me still can't help but hope for. What I love and long for...but yet am also so damn afraid of...of actually happening. I can still feel everything (and him) deeply. My confidence and percentage of surety wavers when I look too far ahead, if I try to consider all that may and will happen. This jumbled mix of feelings makes me unsure of my step. Wondering often if I'm just getting ahead of myself as I tend to do. A downside of thinking too much.

I like (as much as I do procrastinate) to be prepared, and my most valuable tool in navigating the Unknown also known as My Life...is well, knowing who I am.

I know what I could want in the future (when he re-enters my life 8-9 months from now)--and my god! has it been battling fiercely with what I know I don't want now. Except there's a small part of me that does wish for it, and now.

And, I've been stubbornly refusing to acknowledge its existence, my own weakness.

My favorite lines of the song...be warned, it's practically the whole thing, haha.

[lyrics in entirety can be found here]

"Didn't know what hit me when I saw you standing there

Thought I would feel so different, feel nothing at all

Wasn't set for you to smile, not set for you to meet my eyes

Not ready yet to be so glad you'd walked back to my life

My life

I drew to you immediately; oh, I felt you from here

That tension was raw and alive, despite our best intentions,

I find it hard to focus with my senses tuned like this

My pulse is racing, fingers tracing patterns on the armrest,

My very pores are seething, seeking signals back from you

And it's much too late to toe the line

We've opened back what came before

Your taste, your smell back in my sight

You know it's left me wanting

So what do we do now

What do we do now?

We move along, I take your arm, I get to breathe you in
You pull me closer, draw me back, and I am lost in you
And though I know the reason that we missed last time around
Remains as valid, proper, realised right now as it ever was.

We drew that line to save ourselves
'Cause we both know we're in no place
To offer what the other needs
But that's a risk that I will take
That is a choice that I will make
'Cause I know what it's like to wake up next to you.

So fuck that deal we made before

The only deal is with today

And how we'll deal with it this time

If it will go the same way."

Updated

I'm almost done revamping the site.

Quite proud of the minor changes so far. And, I renamed (yet again) the blog to Laidback Buddhist--I promise I'll settle on one, um...eventually. Taking it all step by step, ha!

Interesting side note,
A certain annonymous commentator left some comments (for this post) pretending to be the guy I'm currently working out my old, unhealthy feelings for, the guy I'm trying to move on from. I know, life can be *so* RANDOM.

But that's not what struck me as interesting... Instead it surprised me was how it protective and immediately defensive I got of him. It was like, yeah I'll sometimes call him an asshole when I think he's acting like one (because I know he actually ISN'T one), but don't ever let me hear you call him that!

Even to myself, I feel a tad ridiculous, huh? Ah, well. I'm just like that, fiercely loyal to my friends.

Plus, a lot of my relationships (both female and male) are indeed, very complex, but I've found that it's the good and the bad that bring the friendship closer. Nobody's perfect. Haha, and most times my closest friends don't understand how I can be good friends with certain people (like him), but I just shrug and say, "My friendship is with that person, and our friendship is not with you." There are some things that can't be explained to a third person...and sometimes, I don't see the need to or perhaps, want to.

And, you'd be surprised, while many of my friends seem completely uncompatible on the surface, I think a lot of them have much more in common than they initially thought. It's whether you're willing to see it. Or, have someone else see that part of you. As Confucius said, "Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it."

But, I'll eventually devote a post to explaining the basis of our friendship to the complex ambiguities of our...non-relationship of a relationship. I haven't yet because I don't want to touch that until I'm ready...when I'm sure diving into exploring those feelings of the past won't make me want to go back to it, you know?

Time to sleep. I took a 5-hour medical exam today and boy, am I WIPED.