Possibly the only good thing I'm addicted to...

Okay, I gotta confess.

Although, this might not seem like news since my range of blogging topics is even more woeful when I update so sporadically, I know. Or maybe--oh wait, I'm on the verge of getting off track...

Right. Back to the possibly not-so-new newsflash:

I am addicted to group exercise classes. And I mean addicted.

Like I feel I'm this zombie with a crappy attitude when I don't go the gym at least once a day. Which basically means I don't feel good unless some muscle part of my body is proclaiming "I'm going to ache like a whiny bitch today."

But! I think I've reached my goal of being able to 10 full-length push-ups now!!

I say *think* because honestly I'm not quite sure and my arms are still in recovery, so I can't exactly test it out. You see, for the Cardio Sculpt Interval workout during our staff in-service/training on Sunday, we had to do this sequence of exercises* and increase the number of repetitions by one more after each time through. I started collapse-rolling over into my crunches after round 3 and then just flat-out collapsing in my push-ups after round 7.

So probably I'm just inflating the number to make myself feel better, but I know I can definitely do 5 full-length, 100% proper push-ups!

Anyways. This is a BIG deal, I tell you, for a girl who used to flex her arm and people couldn't tell she was flexing. And then upon closer inspection, they could push the muscle it down.

With one finger.

Hm...I need find some people to play some pick-up [basketball] games with because if I could be the shooter with those sort of arms of back then (and I was trained to shoot with the ball above my head instead by the ear, go figure), then MAN! I oughta be on fire fiya now, haha.

Okay, now I'm getting distracted again. I should probably get back to my work anyhow so I can go to bed at a decent hour tonight. I stayed up late finishing a looooong "mini" grant proposal and didn't crash into bed until 3:20 AM this morning.

YET, yours truly still went to her group exercise class today to have her butt kicked.

And we think old habits are the only ones that die hard.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
*jump back into a push-up, jump up into a jumping jack, squat with 8 lbs weights in lifted arms, push-up, forward crunch, knee-high jumps. REPEAT.

Squee...zed out.

Adrenaline junkie.

My professor said that in passing today…and I think I just might fall under that label. I survived that darkness of a burn-out experience once, yet I can’t seem to stop myself from pushing my limit again. Hi, my name is Joanne and I am addicted to the rush of new experiences.

Except now my packed tight schedule has close to zero flexibility because it is scheduled so back-to-back “perfectly.” Ha! Just remind me to pencil in a love life somewhere...

Anyhow, this week’s new commitments include:

1. Two hrs at a local Head Start.

Finally! I get to work with the cute-cute age group, haha…not that the rambunctious adolescents of last semester weren’t fun, too. But instead of snooty judgments on my fashion choices (“Long-sleeves with shorts? Interesting…”), I get to be an attention-magnet for 3 and 4-years-olds, who love my hair or shyly tell me that I’m “rewwy pwetty”!

Man oh man, I’m that easy.

2. Deciding that my body muscles have adjusted to teaching 3 yoga classes a week and thus, need more stimulation [belated memo from jo’s aching thighs: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!] I promised a friend to attend a group fitness workout with her in between our classes on the days I don’t teach yoga. Then, only after Monday nearly killed my legs, I figured I found my edge for this week already…or so I thought.

“Uh, is Wednesday’s class more intense than Monday’s?” I’m almost afraid to hear the answer.

She nods emphatically, “But it’s really good…and if you come, I promise I’ll make it to your Thursday class.”

I groan in defeat.

…so now, I just hope I can still walk come Friday.

GAHHHH.

1. Jet-lag is such a bitch. Couldn’t fall asleep at all Monday night. Made it through classes, an exam, and then crashed at 4 PM. Unsurprisingly, I woke up at 4 AM and had so much friggin’ energy! Cripes, I got myself onto the weirdest cycle.


2. I had an IM waiting from Vy when I opened my laptop: “someone wants to greet you when you wake up:” …hot damn. Incoherent gushing may have occurred.


3. Everyone’s either sleeping or studying, so you know what that means?

Story time.

I got shoes over break!
I chose shiny black pumps!
And suede brown boots!

Okay, so that’s not really a travel story per se (they will come later and eventually) and much more like a series of gushing proclamations.

But for this girl, that’s kind of a BIG deal because (for once!) it’s NOT tennis shoes or super-cute, comfy walking shoes… I mean, as much as I love those.

Growing up, I burned through my tennis shoes every year (think basketball). Literally created holes, the bottom peeling off…wasn’t pretty and it drove my mom nuts: "I thought I was raising a girl?!”

It’s gotten better, though, since I realized that they last longer when I’ve several different pairs to rotate between.

It took much of my later teens to get used to wearing heels (I already felt so tall, you see, and had yet to learn how to be fully comfortable in one's own skin). For the longest time, I just owned a pair of practical strappy 2” black ones. Several years later, I graduated to 3” dark-brown leather ankle boots. Then, somewhere along the way, I started really appreciating my height and began (dare I say it?)… liking heels!

And now?

I love having the options, and it's one less silly self-imposed constraint! Got no problem rocking out in 4” heels, if so desired.

Well, except when a gal forgets that she hasn’t worn a pair of heels in well over 7 months, and so a smarter gal wouldn’t have spent entire days voluntarily vainly choosing to walk around Taipei in her new 3” brown suede boots (mid-calf to knee high, oh but they looked so good!).

Seriously, how do other women manage it?! My feet punished me in spades.

Ah, the price of vanity—a lesson which can’t ever be over re-learned.

Where The Quality Schtuff (Dsktp Wallpaper) At

I'm a sucker for aesthetically pleasing colors.

Example: if I found an article of clothing I really liked, I'd probably buy it in at least one other color as well. So while I've yet to give Dan my thoughts on his super-secret new test eCommerce site...as a woman, I sure hope it's got pretty colors! ;)

But I'm digressing (not to mention trying to score some hits, er...I mean, improve my blog with a sparring partner).

Anyhow, when Jon tagged me with the Desktop Meme (which I immediately completed as I've been notoriously procrastinating his Celeb Crushes one), I had several people asking me in the comments where I found the wallpaper called Colored Windows. Well, I prefer getting my desktop wallpapers from this site with free high-resolution wallpaper for all screen sizes called InterfaceLIFT.

I should take a moment to thank Vy for introducing me to this site when I had to get a new laptop last Spring because I temporarily plugged in my Ethernet cord across the middle of my bed and across the short gap to my desk...

(that idea sounds as bad as it was)

...so yeah.

My 4 yrs-old lightweight VAIO fell from my desk to the tiled floor, would only work in safe mode where the screen was an amusing-only-for-the-first-5-seconds 2" x 3" rectangle and (confirmed by Vinh when he extracted my hard-drive) pretty much kaputt!

Good news was that I got a laptop with a wider screen and lots of other neat-o abilities (amazing the difference 4 years will do to technology!) and promptly went hi-res wallpaper crazy for awhile.

So, join the frenzy. Spread it.

VT Concert Craziness

WARNING: this post may will contain incoherent babbles of repeated gushings.

Apparently, it just takes some killer guitar playing, and I'll swiftly revert back to being a starry-eyed teenager all over again.

The Concert for Virginia Tech in Lane Stadium was beyond anything I could ever have imagined.

The stage, HUGE! Lighting? Absolutely breath-taking.

That it was all set up in 2 days? Crazy, indeed.

It could be argued that since I generally do things without expectations, in a sense, it ought to be quite easy to exceed them... Though, I definitely did not expect the concert to be over 5 hrs long.

So long, in fact, that I still can't believe we walked out on Dave Matthews.

I know, I know.

I'm sorry!!!

Dave Matthews, please know that I love your band and especially adore your performance style. Really, I do! It's just that I had been up and about since 8 AM. You must understand, after thoroughly enjoying 5 hours--no matter how exhilarating and soul-shaking--by 11 PM, I was rather drained.

But drain oh-so worth it!

My ears went gloriously numb. I swear the bass of the drums could be heard reverbating in the core of my body.

Then again, that also might've been my stomach growling from hunger.

Jeez, I don't know how the freshman do it. Must be the aid of alcohol. Seriously, though. While it's a concert in a football stadium, it doesn't mean it's like football where you pre-game.

It's a recovery concert.

You don't get so drunk you're arrested. Sheesh, people!

Anyhow. I really enjoyed watching Dave Matthews Band perform. And, how utterly enamored I am with John Mayer after this! You could tell that they really enjoyed performing together. All the instruments, saxophone, drums, guitar.

...speaking of the guitar--my god! John Mayer's hands are amazing.

I repeat. Uh-mazing.

In my teens, I never quite understood the female obsession with male guitarists. For some reason, it's different now that I'm in my twenties.

Let me tell you, do I understand it now. Completely.

See, I've always enjoyed listening to John Mayer and had a rough idea of what he looked like, but I've never really seen him. I like to fall in love with the music and voice first. Because if it doesn't happen that way, sometimes I'll get to wondering...

...do I like this artist because of his talent or because he's so damn cute?

So, really it shouldn't come as a surprise that when I saw and heard Bob Reynolds (touring with John Mayer) for the first time last night, I was a goner.

Boy, am I charmed by this smooth and suave saxophonist.

For your viewing pleasure (though mainly, for my own =P), here are some pictures of him below:

My heart is an old-fashioned romantic, I adore jazz. Totally in deep.

Hm, and my voice is slightly hoarse--it could sound sexy...could also make me sound like a guy. I woke up this morning thirty minutes before I was to be at Judicial to do my office hours, and had no time for a shower!

Which means I'm rocking two braids...

And, my Fisherman's Daughter hat.

Ohh, my friends know this hat well.

Yeah, it has its own story. Don't worry, it'll be told one of these days.

A Widgetal Affair

I must confess, I have a thing for widgets.

It's a lot like love, but I'll be real here. It's a helluva lot more like obsession.

See, I've been tweaking my blog layout since...well, since I started it. This is why I claim it's a lot like love. In turning all things I love doing into a continuously active process, I'm celebrating my passion for it. And, I'm rewarded (and fueled) by ever new discoveries. Granted, there are those days when I desire to ruthlessly murder certain widgets.

Fortunately, those days are far and few in between. *knock on wood* However, as can be imagined this "celebrating" led to quite an accumulation of widgets all over the freakin' place!!! Header, footer, left and right sidebars, in posts--if I liked it, you better believe I'd fit it...somewhere. Except I never stray far from my Buddhist roots, as laidback as they may be. So, I realized I had to start trimming my blog's unnecessary fat. Er, at the very least, relocating the fat.

For a useful guideline, I recommend checking out 50 tips compiled by Skellie.

Anyways, there I was merrily trimming away extra fat. Every single day this week I was making progress. At the risk of sounding like a weight-loss testimonial, it felt grrrrreat!

Then along came Uniqlock. Correction: along remained Uniqlock.

Now, I can't explain why in the world I should keep that widget at the top of my left sidebar. All I know is that I absolutely adore it!

Adore. It.

I must thank my new friend Jon, who's probably thinking, "What?! I don't even have Uniqlock!"

True, but Jon did a spotlight post on SnapClap that cracked me up so much I followed the link he provided. There on SnapClap's side bar, I became mesmerized by the choreographed dancers. Again, I can't explain why I am so fascinated.

I could only think of 3 reasons that might possibly explain my awe:

1. Watching them, I almost...almost...felt compelled to try ballet (keep in mind yours truly is a ballet teacher's worst nightmare come true).
2. They all look the same!!!
3. Each girl has the kind of Asian hair I don't.

But aside from all that it's basically just a clock!

I don't NEED a clock widget cluttering up my left sidebar. Time is irrelevant on the internet where people come from all over the world. It'd be an utter waste of space on my blog.

Well...

Except for Uniqlock, of course. Remember, just don't ask me why.

By the way, is "widgetal" even a word? Or should I just play it off as new Jo Jargon. ;)

When Addictions Get Contagious

Spread the Joy, baby.

I was planning to write this other entry about my random musing during my classes today, but I discovered really, really good news, which naturally took priority. A must-share-NOW! kind of news.

Not earth-shattering as I'm making it out to be, as it is to me. It's the blogs of two of my very good friends.

So in the order of my discoveries:

First. My good friend Kath has her own blog, which she started because (bare with my momentarily inflated ego) I did way back when... Okay, not so long ago and more like only a couple of months ago (if even), but it feels like I've been blogging for ages upon ages--it's become such an intergral part of my life and daily thought process, you know? I'm totally addicted to blogging, ha. That's why once I publish this entry, I'm hopping over to catch up with her entries at Sketching the Flow. And not just because I admire her so much or because I dearly love her sarcastic wit and downright lethal puppy-eyes look. I only know how to do the harmless puppy-eyes, definitely must work on finding my Inner Lethal...I swear, hers can melt glaciers and cut glass. Honest.

Second. I knew that Vy started one at the start of summer, but she refused to show despite much pleading (ya punk) until she finished tweaking. But she finally confessed that at her rate, her blog would end up never making its debut. I mean, it's fittingly called Slackholic™ for a reason, right.

On an unrelated note, this evening I got an email from... Well, put it this way, a blast from the past. However, like I said, I've already set time aside tonight for blogging (not emailing).

And, I'm not changing my plans. Some things can wait. I learned that this summer.

See how much I've...changed?

Crooned and Swooned

Forget being dined and wined.

PBS (shush, I know I'm a nerd) was on Saturday morning while I did the family dishes, and my ears and eyes got quite the treat. The spotlight was on this Belgium native who had a voice (and style) reminiscent of Bing Crosby, particularly in his recent double album, The Crooners.

So, he crooned and I promptly swooned.

Helmut Lotti is not eye candy newly rotated in. He managed to secure a part of my loyal heart. He is my latest wonderful discovery. My new 'love.' I am crazy for his voice, yes, but also his for performance persona and style...I adore the way he carries himself. Every once in awhile, you're lucky enough to come across a star who just gets it. And boy has he got it! Why the man's making me laugh one moment and sigh dreamily the next.

All on PBS.

A weakness is a weakness is a weakness, as Gertrude Stein once said about roses. I tell ya, yours truly is a sucker for a guy who successfully appeals to my romantic side. It's a common joke that men and boys alike tend to be led by their...um, other head. But it's not a joke for me to claim my romantic heart sets (in stone, lined with flowers but of course ;) the path I follow. It's been a truth, time and again.

The way he smiles, especially when singing...my favorite songs being "The Most Expensive Girl" (which has lyrics and a message reminding me of my parents' own marriage), "Caterina," "That's Amore," and any duet with Isabel Adams. And how his eyes twinkle! In this photo from a music video, he's on a balcony with Isabel Adams (not sure if that's how you spell her name) who sings just as unforgettingly. They used to be competitors while growing up so he's known her since she was 12...now they're a star duet. How sweet! Wouldn't you agree? Even if their relationship is platonic. Speculation does tend to possess a wild, irresistable charm of its own.

Anyhow. To say the least, this gal's fallen in for Helmut Lotti. Not head over heels, mind you, for then I wouldn't have been able to see clearly...and my eyes stay glued to the TV. Until it was unfortunately time to leave for Shoba's yoga class. Just like how today I want to gush some more on this subject, but alas! It's again time for yoga once more.

See how I can be such the dedicated student? *tee hee*

Fear Verbatim (and Sings Gloriously, too)

Holy shit. Holy Mother of Pearl.

Shiv (whose blog I like to read) and her Lucy Snowe Band have an upbeat song I just can't get enough of. The lyrics to "Twelve Two" are...perfect. Such range, and such a treasure. Go to their new Myspace page and listen to it. While reading these lyrics. Now.

You'll see hear what I mean. She has a great voice.

The song sharpens the outlines of a hazy fear which was always lurking in the back of my mind (this something, mentioned at the end of this old post, I gave up trying to figure out last week). THIS is what's been bothering me and my late nights. And, reading the lyrics (while repeatedly compulsively listening) bring out a truth I can't deny because hell, I can't ignore what's staring back at me right now from my computer screen.

It's all there, in black and white. What an 'aha!' moment.

What I fear--verbalized, celebrated and set to a catchy tune. I am reminded of what a part of me still can't help but hope for. What I love and long for...but yet am also so damn afraid of...of actually happening. I can still feel everything (and him) deeply. My confidence and percentage of surety wavers when I look too far ahead, if I try to consider all that may and will happen. This jumbled mix of feelings makes me unsure of my step. Wondering often if I'm just getting ahead of myself as I tend to do. A downside of thinking too much.

I like (as much as I do procrastinate) to be prepared, and my most valuable tool in navigating the Unknown also known as My Life...is well, knowing who I am.

I know what I could want in the future (when he re-enters my life 8-9 months from now)--and my god! has it been battling fiercely with what I know I don't want now. Except there's a small part of me that does wish for it, and now.

And, I've been stubbornly refusing to acknowledge its existence, my own weakness.

My favorite lines of the song...be warned, it's practically the whole thing, haha.

[lyrics in entirety can be found here]

"Didn't know what hit me when I saw you standing there

Thought I would feel so different, feel nothing at all

Wasn't set for you to smile, not set for you to meet my eyes

Not ready yet to be so glad you'd walked back to my life

My life

I drew to you immediately; oh, I felt you from here

That tension was raw and alive, despite our best intentions,

I find it hard to focus with my senses tuned like this

My pulse is racing, fingers tracing patterns on the armrest,

My very pores are seething, seeking signals back from you

And it's much too late to toe the line

We've opened back what came before

Your taste, your smell back in my sight

You know it's left me wanting

So what do we do now

What do we do now?

We move along, I take your arm, I get to breathe you in
You pull me closer, draw me back, and I am lost in you
And though I know the reason that we missed last time around
Remains as valid, proper, realised right now as it ever was.

We drew that line to save ourselves
'Cause we both know we're in no place
To offer what the other needs
But that's a risk that I will take
That is a choice that I will make
'Cause I know what it's like to wake up next to you.

So fuck that deal we made before

The only deal is with today

And how we'll deal with it this time

If it will go the same way."

That Dylan Ratigan...

Takes no bullshit.

My favorite question was when he asked, “By that [risk is being repriced] do you mean the market is riskier?”

Henry 'Hank' Paulson wasn’t a former Goldman Sachs CEO for nothing, and gave a good (and valid) response.

But jeez, this is why I love watching Dylan Ratigan in action.

I don’t watch much television. And during the school year, barely at all. Hell, I don’t even own a TV! When I do watch (which is always more during the summer), it mainly consists of Oprah re-runs and CNBC, the favorites being Closing Bell (Maria Bartiromo), Fast Money, and sometimes Morning Call. With the occasional Food Network, Travel Channel, HGTV, and Good Morning America.

Wow. Just realized I sound like my mother. Who, by the way, is sharp as a whip.

More so, it seems these days. After watching this morning's Whitehouse Summit on CNBC with her, I sighed with satisfaction, “Dylan Ratigan is one of my favorites.”

She surprised me by replying, “I don’t really like him, his face looks too hard.”

So some meaning gets lost in translation. But my guard was up… you see, I remember who else she claimed looked too ‘rough.’

“He must have some German background in him, somewhere.”

Aha, there we go. Guard is now FULLY up and buzzing.

My reaction was a careful, “Oh, really? Huh.”

Not the brightest response per se, but I maintained just enough nonchalance to get the subject dropped. If I got defensive, she’d seize the opportunity to poke me about him, you know who...my Formerly 365. Like the time I got all riled up when she called him less manly for not working while he was studying abroad. His driving ambitions is one of the things that always appealed to me. And, I heatedly pointed out to mom, I don’t work either except for having been a RA and doing volunteer work.

“But he’s male.”

Right, gotta love how modern yet in some ways still very traditional my mom is.

She, whose sixth sense is never far from the mark, has been trying several months now to confirm her suspicions that he is not simply a good friend of mine ("What do you mean he's coming by the house?" and "Why does he need to see you before he leaves for Europe, if it's just friends?").

It is utterly pointless for me to lie to my mom, I just can’t do it. That doesn’t mean, though, that over the years I haven’t learned how to deal with it. I have, and picked up quite a few other things as well.

I can honestly--and thus convincingly say--that we never dated and that he’ll never be my boyfriend. I know when I couldn’t stop laughing because she had said, “...going to an international school, he must’ve played a lot of girls,” allayed some of her worst fears (or maybe worried her more?). Anyhow, that we are just friends (now) is undeniable. It's my gold card that I hide behind, the golden line I use to keep my mom from digging up the past.

But who do you think I learned to pay attention to the small things from?

She noticed, and promptly verbalized, that I seemed to be happier after receiving his postcard. Carefully watching me when she asked if I kept in touch while he was in Europe, and oh, did he send an email? Really? What did he say? Ahh, hm.

Because she understands who I am (sometimes better than myself), she knows and sees all those characteristics I find attractive in him. She’s comfortable with us being friends, but is constantly on the look-out that I haven’t fallen for him.

Because her mother's instinct knows it’d spell disaster for me, the daughter who is like her younger self in many, many ways.

Oh, the irony.

Chronically Late

It’s almost been a week since this surprising voicemail, I know.

Trust me, writing about what happened afterwards is definitely not the only thing I’ve been putting off these past couple of days. I’m pretty damn sure I'm pissing Zig off (the older-brother-like friend I used to be sweet on, mentioned here in Houdini's Act III) by having yet to respond to his two voicemails left this week. And, I’ve yet to respond to Olivia’s kind email, or yap it up with Holly as I promised last week.

I guess now it’d be a good time to stop procrastinating. To ‘fess up.

He actually called again the next day while I was taking a nap. And, I made the split-second decision to pick it up.

So, we chit-chatted. For FORTY MINUTES.

I’ve been mulling over it (as per usual), and was trying to figure out…yes, it seems to have taken the ENTIRE week…how I felt about it since my initial reaction was decidedly good, with only a tad(?) bad.

When I finally felt ready to write some semblance of coherent thought (and even possibly a tentative self-summation of the current situation).....

.....BAM! I received another postcard from him today.

SNAIL MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if you can't tell by the overuse of exclamation points, I LOVE snail mail. Which I gushed (and thanked him for) via email when his first postcard surprised me sometime late-June.

On the down side, I’m back to being unsure yet of how I feel. Interestingly, my efforts at moving on have made headway, but...something is still bothering me.

I'm not sure what exactly, but given my track record, it usually ain't something good. That much I'm at least sure of.

Blogs Don't Lie

Once again, I’ve made some more minor tweaks (notice the various quotes littered thru-out the sidebars?). And some major tweaks to the site. Most notably, scrolling link at the top displaying a number of my recent posts and…*drum rolls*…the tag cloud!!!!!

Tag Cloud, n.

1. one of the sweetest, neat-o widgets created. ever.
2. a personal favorite and new love of yours truly
3. organization of labels (tags) in alphabetical order with the more popular tags in larger font, respectively.

Isn’t it beautiful? *sighs in pure bliss* Much thanks to Frivolous Motion for freely providing such awesome code.

For someone who has near zip experience with HTML coding, it took some time and a bit of research, but mostly trial and error and a ton of both analytical/logical thinking to see how things might connect correctly. Let me say this, it totally ROCKS that these other coding geniuses create such cool widgets and stuff for Blogger and spread the joy with free code. All I usually need to do is make minor adjustments to suit my layout. Sometimes, it takes awhile, but the result is so worth it.

And, the Nerd Egotist in me feels so damn proud of herself.

Now of course, I’ve been doing some admiring of my new tag cloud, so I’d be a big, fat liar if I were to say I failed to notice how absurdly ginormous the tag, “Formerly 365" is.

Which means I post about him the most frequently. Which also means he’s in my thoughts far too much. Which is unnerving.

Sheesh, I ought to dub it the Tag Cloud of Truth.

Well Gee, Now I Feel Stupid

Had quick dinner with parents and then cleaned up the kitchen (sort of a lonely chore now that Keeks is gone to Northwestern for 3 weeks...end up doing alot of self-contemplation and looking out the window, daydreaming). Then, came back down to the basement to study for MCATs...and discovered I got an EMAIL.

From him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yes, from the poor jerk I've been insulting for the past few posts.

And, yes I sound way too excited.

Seriously, I must have Type B blood. Yours truly cannot stay mad at anyone for very long.



Especially the people I feel the closest to. Bad thing, good thing...?

Aha, Silly Things...

They make me happy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysAKZfhQWDk

It's this Thailand green tea commercial where two caterpillars, father and son, crawl to the top for the best green tea leaves...and surprise, surprise.

What can I say? Child at heart. I love things like this.

It's too friggin' CUTE!!!!!