Yay for HOME!

Hip-hip-hooray! Times a gazillion!

It's perfect because my classes tomorrow happened to get canceled (b/c you know, I always feel so guilty for skipping...that silly freshman "Oo, I'm so rebelliously grown-up" naivety of yesteryear is not worth sabotaging my professors' impression of me (aka I want to keep that recommendation letter positive).

In prep for going home, I bought my sister a set of those ridiculously over-priced multicolored PILOT gel pens that she adores and one of my favorite books (Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver) with a short note on the inside cover from me.

Can you believe the university bookstore had the paperback for only $11? Which is a great deal for such an awesome book, especially in comparison to those friggin' pens.

Of course, my mom is going to scold me for spending money on my kid sis yet again. But jeez, I can't help it! It's one of the 3 areas in my life where I refuse to scrimp on (the other 2 include eating good food and saving up to go all-out on a good vacation).

So yeah, I know I tend to spoil the people in my life whom I love. Although, I can probably argue quite convincingly that it was money well spent as educational supplies.

And uhh, these new sunglasses? Hm.

For health protection purposes... obviously.

Guess Who

Thanksgiving was a relief (though at times, tantalizing close to torturous).

A bittersweet symphony of outrageously fun laughter and occasionally not-so-friendly bantering. Family can be such a big ol’ mess with all the vibrancies of raw love.

I had a good time, but as with all vacation-traveling, it was tiring.

After the 14-hr flight from Tokyo (coming back isn’t as bad because following the flight from Taipei, Taiwan, we stayed in Narita, Japan one night before heading back to the States), the family and I arrived home Saturday morning at around 11:30 AM.

...and, uh, I slept until 4 AM the next day.

Tis a naïve hope, I know, to overcome the time-switch from Asia in 1 day, but I’ll try regardless (as I futilely do every year). And so, yours truly is ambitiously attempting to get her lazy, jet-lagged bum to ALL 3 of the yoga classes offered today, a feat yet to be conquered this semester...



11 days away yields a TON of stories to share and to fondly reflect back on. With everything so recent and so very much at once, it’s hard to know where to even begin.

“The world is like a book: if you’ve only lived in one place, you’ve only read one page of that book,” as my dad likes to say.

His dream/tentative future plan is to retire in 5-10 years, take my mom (and lesser-paying temporary positions) to live in various countries for anywhere from 3 to 6+ months. Although, I’m trying to figure out how our past and recent family visits to other countries fits into this whole book analogy of his.

I suppose traveling could be like the teaser on the back or the inside flap of a book. Sure you'll get the gist of it, but none of the richer details?

Could that be one of the reasons why we always go back to the same countries over and over again...because one visit left us hungering for more?

Oh, and hungering is quite the fitting word for my family.

You know that motto WORK HARD, PLAY HARD?

We add a third: EAT.

Just one of the reasons I ought not skip going to the gym this week!!!

Conspiring to Ignite

What are you waiting for?

I’m waiting for me to be ready.


No. What you are is AFRAID.

I believe you can have anything you want, you can do everything you put your mind to...and you?

You’re scared shitless.

Oh sure, you say don’t know the direction your life is headed. But behind that safer façade of restlessness, you always knew. You saw the truth of the matter but saved the details for later. So how much longer are you going to spend pondering how you got here?

There's experience, and then there's experiencing.

Things aren't ever quite the way you'd want it to be. You can waste your time looking for answers already found or you can make your move.

You can make it. Now.

Nothing’s going to change you but yourself. Why let things happen? Open your eyes, chase this spark, and make it your light.

I don’t care if you’re angry when I say...

If you continue to wait, you may never be ready.


And who the hell are you?
I’m the start of a new you.

She doesn't only chase boldness. She is boldness.

The Runaways

My family is my home, and home is my saving grace.

Not a place for me stay, it’s a place for me to COME BACK to.

Clearly it’s quite different from being a castaway, as I’m not being rejected. Instead, I’m the one deciding to reject...to seek new possibilities.

Instead I am the runaway, first.

I remember how back in the 2nd/3rd grade we got to write short stories that were then bound into spiffy, grown-up-looking miniature books. I wrote books with whimsical titles like “Her Unicorn” and “Momma Mia, Poppa Pia!”

But my ultimate favorite was titled “The Runaways.”

Even having since left childhood, the appeal of such an idea has stayed with me. It’s the seed that spawns my incurable restlessness and my keen yearning to experience absolutely everything at once!…my bursting ambition to have it all, just so I know (and can choose for myself) what I don’t need or want.

And for all the words in the world, I can’t explain it.

Especially when I’m on the verge of realizing what I’ve been running away, running towards all my life thus far. I know it, I think I see it, and yet I have no idea what the It actually is!

It’s the fleeting epiphany that haunts me.

A sweet sound of the last breath.

This time last year I finally started admitting to people that I was applying for med school. Though only when I was specifically asked as I never offered that information first. And with each time I uttered the words “pre-med,” the surer I became that it was exactly opposite of what I wanted.

Oh, but I kept saying it still.

Each time growing ever more dissatisfied with myself.

So, this time last year, I started leading a double-life of sorts.

It seemed to others I was pursuing one thing when really I was doing all I could to run in the other direction. Taking the MCATs barely broke a sweat for me because I didn’t care enough to stress. I was fine with my average score (hell, even my writing scored the letter right smack dab in the middle) because my life didn’t depend on it.

It wasn’t the life I wanted anyhow.

Call it the very best-kept of all my secrets from year 2006.

Or so I thought.

This time this year, my mom casually said at the dinner table:

“The thing you wanted to tell us this weekend, is it that you don’t want to go to med. school?”

My dad and little sister jerked up their heads.

I took a deep breath, or two.

My parents' words of 'whatever you want to do, we will support your decision as long as it's your passion' was being put to the test. I know of their unconditional support, but I feared the crushing possibility of their disapproval, of disappointment.

“Yes.”

Letting go of the breath I was holding, I was finally able to take my first...

“Okay. What're you going to do instead?”

...breath of utter relief.

At those words and to the surprise of everyone at the dinner table (including myself), I proceeded to cry puddles into my plate of half-eaten food. Not the pretty kind, mind you. But the unstoppable kind where my nose turns red and my cheeks get all blotchy, where I’m sniffling and hiccuping at alternating intervals…

The kind only my family and a few, close friends have seen.

You see, The Runaway would’ve run away following her heart regardless, but damn! running away is SO MUCH BETTER with the ones you love and respect the most.

It's so much lighter.

When The End Marks The Beginning

Never say never.

When human unpredictability can change everything in an instant, using words of such inflexibility can set the stage for inevitable disappointment. In many ways, I fear it. I think to myself, hey there may only be one path I walk, but it’s my own and who’s to say where it’ll lead?

I like my options. I like knowing I have ‘em.

I asked myself why I always hesitated when generalizing something as absolute, especially when I struggle with a decision. I’m often unable to use finalistic words without feeling the urge to tag it in quotes. It’s the same reason why I left the term “best friends” in the elementary school room. I have close friends and very good friends, but I only have one “best” friend, my kid sis.

Whoops! There I go again, tagging things in quotations. Creature of habit.

I asked this question not really wanting to hear the answer. I asked hoping that was enough to satisfy (but whom? my own self?)…except acknowledgement doesn’t even come close to an honest answer.

And, surely, we deserve all the honesty we can get in a world often obscured with delusional illusions.

I once wrote, “Ultimatums are pointless—I see them as superficial and overtly ambitious in attempting to convert all the complex dynamics between two people into 'option one, option two' kind of thing.”

While I still strongly believe in those words, I also know of the gratifying pleasure in stripping complexities down to bold statements.

So, I ask myself...what changed?

Ironically, since I realized my hesitation in using words with implications of complete finality, I’ve gradually become MORE comfortable with it.

Perhaps it’s a driving need to prove that I do know what I want, why I think this way, how I make decisions and to define with clearer insight…who I am.

Anyhow.

Here’s the latest batch:

Always cover your bases. Always double-check.

This got me a rare compliment of approval from one of my bosses.

Never be afraid to ask questions.

This saved my ass at Judicial last week.

Never assume.

Damn all you shady attorneys!

On Regretting Not

Photography: Broken by FluidG4

In less than a week, my blog will have reached 7 months.

That’s 7 months since I finally realized, to the FULL extent, just how bad my heart was going to ache starting in May.

Even then, suffering that broken heart was worse than I imagined.

Crushes come and go like summer rain. But when I recognize that I’ve started to really like someone, it comes to the point where either I tell the guy...or I’ll burst. It’s hellishly nerve-racking and I’ve only done it twice, once in high school and once last year. Both led to experiences I don’t regret and memories I cherish.

Last Fall, when I realized that I had unexpectedly fallen for a boy, I knew (1) nothing could’ve stopped me from liking him the more I got to know him and (2) we were going to end…even before we began, even while I was falling in over my head.

You see, it’s always easier for me to confess or admit to my feelings than to try to hold back otherwise I’m left feeling awkwardly uncomfortable. Apparently that’s what happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve.

And I don’t know of any other heart.

All too often “what if’s” lead to regret...it means I saw and knew yet didn’t act.

Regret is for when you don’t learn your lesson properly the first time around. It’s for repeating mistakes. See, if you make a mistake and gain something from that experience…then, well, there is nothing for you to regret, is there?

And I refuse to regret the choices I make.

Knowing that I wouldn’t have it any other way gives me confidence to make mistakes, to hit or miss on my own terms.

That’s why taking time to really think before taking any action (be it minor or major) is so valuable to me. It’s why I make sure I’ve more or less formed my own opinion before asking for advice. This does not, by any means at all, make me intolerant of new change or unable consider other possibilities. It simply means that I’ll be able to better differentiate between my Intuition and my Rationale.

So this marks my 118th post, and I don’t regret a single word I’ve published here.

My archives are witness to many lessons learned the hard way.

The Personal Cheerleader

Photography by DiHa1977

She is beautiful. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

In all the ways that makes my eyes smile with tears and my heart swell with pride. My love sings with delighted abandon, for her.

I know this. I’ve always known it.

Yet it still takes my breath away, every single time. It grabs me by surprise, and I’m left reeling in wonderment…

Where does all the time go?

One moment she’s mulishly giving my hair once last vicious yank, biting my fingers to purple blisters, and leaving entire imprints of her upper teeth on my arm. In the next she doesn’t stop following me around, buggering the living daylights out of me while redefining the meaning of an infernal chatterbox.

And now she’s old enough to aptly deliver a reprimand well-deserved.


She is a thrill. Surprising, daunting, and thoroughly inspiring.

I was stunned the day I realized that she looked up to me.

That someone thinks the world ten thousand times over of me blew my mind...and humbled my heart. So ever since that timely epiphany, I continually strive to reaffirm that I am worthy of such unconditional adoration.

For her sake, as well as my own.

And to show her that I’m not perfect. That I make mistakes and will, in all likelihood, continue to do so...

We need to make those mistakes for it’s how we learn. To live.

She pushes me to see my own actions through her eyes. She pushes me to be better and to achieve more.

My personal cheerleader. My best friend.

She is my sister.

Gender Roles Be Damned

I've always loved killing (free or not is entirely beside the point) time with personality quizzes.

It's an addiction and a fact.

So you know, I figured because Dan, Meleah, and Ann have chosen blog quizzes to highlight, it was My Turn to spotlight one...

You Are 28% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

Whoa, whoa...that's higher percentage than I expected, suh-weet.

But I am really annoyed with the last line,"Gender roles be damned, you like to do things your way." For it implies that having your own opinion or taking matters into your own hands are exclusively male characteristics.

That's sooooo 50 yrs ago!

It's heartening to see how certain traditional masculine traits have progressed to be attractive feminine traits as well. Hell yeah, I intend to be self-sufficient, financially independent, competitive (and yes, smack talk should be everyone's second nature), individualistic, and daring to defend my own beliefs.

I wouldn't want a man who expected any less OF me.

But if gender roles are dictated by societal expectations...well, Blogthings is damning the wrong perceptions. A more modern consideration would be to ask, how many typically feminine traits are thought to be attractive in a guy?

See, if it's considered a compliment for "a girl to be one of the guys," then why is it an insult for "a guy to be one of the girls"?

I personally appreciate that there are guys like Tyler in this world who can remain completely unfazed when 4 girls in a sappy-tearful-Becoming Jane-induced state come a'knocking, seeking the comfort of his big bear hugs but particularly the use of his fondue pot to dip things in chocolate with...

Yes, the guy owns a fondue pot AND has roommates who stock chai-green tea in their cupboard.

But back to the discussion of double standards.

If a person has an equal mix of male and female characteristics, he/she is considered androgynous...and is that so taboo?

I think not.

I believe it's a beneficial characteristic to encourage, to cultivate...in ourselves. To me, having an androgynous mind suggests a more open mind. It doesn't change a person's sex or sexual orientation. It only serves to expand the repertoire of how a person can think or behave.

So with all the unpredictability of Life, how can that be undesirable?

Adaptability is key to being laidback, Buddhist or not. And, breaking rules is such a satisfying way to live.

...because knowing you can surpass imposed limits is something like pure bliss.

Gender roles be damned, indeed.

What My Mother Taught Me About Sex

Let's see...

1. You can become pregnant and get STDs
2. You are not allowed to have it until you are married
3. The handsome Dr. Oz is wrong: sex 200 times a year (3-4x a week) is too much and downright unhealthy

Yeeeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Which is why I've slowly been educating my kid sis (16 yrs-old this December) on this subject because I'm a firm believer in the idiocy of abstinence-only sex education.

I tell her how to use a condom, how girls (and even guys, too) can have multiple orgasms, how 85% of men will lie about their sexual history in order to get into your pants, how sometimes the symptoms of an STD will NOT appear on men (but will on women), how to avoid camel toe, how beautiful our female sexuality is, how to defend against rape and so on.

I'm waiting until she's older with a developmentally more mature mindset (most likely, sometime during her own college years) before we talk specifics, lols, about the pleasures and the spiritual aspect of sex.

Until then, Mom's "no sex until you are married" stands golden.

However, my mom taught us something else...something I wouldn't have been able to learn from textbooks, from researching the internet, from all the thousands of studies done on this topic.

She taught me how to love.

...while giving me the twin gifts of self-confidence and curiosity.

Armed with those two things, I discovered what it means to be lustful, sexual, and sensual...for myself. You see, my parents never talked about sex to me. It's a traditional Asian thing for them. Instead, they showed me what it means (and takes) to be in an intimate relationship just by being themselves.

My basis for friendships comes from my mom and it adds to my ideas of relationships, which comes from my parents.

Because of them, I believe an idealistic relationship is not only unrealistic but also very unfulfilling. It isn't possible to have an ideal relationship where everything’s smooth sailing and constantly hunky-dory; however, that doesn’t imply that in a real relationship, two people shouldn’t strive for the ideal by honestly working together through the bumps. Just as most everybody will agree that while perfection is unattainable (not to mention highly subjective), it still remains necessary and healthy for every person to strive to improve. Towards their own ideal of perfection.

So, then...what do I feel is "ideal" for a real relationship?

Well, besides having the 3 components (friendship love, romantic love, and physical love), for a relationship to be truly rewarding for me, I need to feel that I can be vulnerable and it's okay. It's okay because such openness gives me strength to love MORE instead of feeling like I want to crawl up in the nearest hole and hide away forever and ever.

That person for me will first be a friend before becoming one of my closer friends.

The whole “friends before lovers” idea?

Yeah, it seems I definitely need that.

Actually, I think that may be one of the reasons why Mr. Dozen Lavender Roses missed the mark for me, well, among other considerations (and the fact that he willingly interned at Haliburton).

However, as much as I give myself in my friendships, I know that I can’t help but give something more (due to my feelings of romantic love for this person) and in this, sexual attraction will probably add to the romance of it all.

Then comes a point where my relationship with another will become more important than my relationship with my family...

At this point of vulnerability and trust, I should hope this is with a person I would like to marry. For in that relationship, the number one priority in my life will no longer be for my immediate family (as much as I dearly love them). My parents and sister will become “extended family,” and the first priority will be the family I create with the man I choose for life.

That's what my mother taught me...it's more important than sex.

And sex is pretty important. ;)

Thrill of the Ride

It’s really scary, this thing…this wonderful feeling, which they call love.

They tell me that it’s not that scary when it happens. That it’s a relief, such a beautiful gift to receive when you meet the person who will totally accept you, in every aspect and with every respect. Unabashedly.

It’s not that I don’t agree or that I don’t see what they mean.

I do, perhaps too well. Which can be a problem.

I liken it to the first time I went rock-climbing back in May and discovered what it meant “to repel.” Snugly strapped into my harness and slower than a snail, I inched backwards at the top of a cliff overlooking the Potomac River in Washington, DC. They’re telling me that I’m secure. That I just need to trust myself and keep going until the rope catches the extra slack.

Well, I could see that quite clearly…

However, it was the whole getting to THAT point which sent the panicked butterflies in my stomach crashing into mass disarray. Which made me hesitate. You see, until that point of security, I’m just hanging out there—suspended in midair without any support whatsoever—over this cliff with 75 feet of open air between my back and the ground way, way down below. Trying to squeeze in some breath between my jangled nerves, I’m babbling like an idiot until I finally feel rope catch me.

But once I know that I am almost secure, I’m already more than ready to let go. In fact, I can’t flippin’ wait to let go, to feel unstoppable as I rush down towards the earth.

In other words, I’m like Spiderman but with the hot sensation of rope-burn stinging my right palm.

So it’s not that I’m afraid. Even though I often admit to fear falling in love. It’s not that I don’t understand. Even though I remain continually amazed by how generously my friends accept me and all my impulsive weirdness in its entirety. It’s that I tire of all the continual tenseness I tend to make myself feel. Though it could just be because it’s roughly 4:30 AM in the morning and even after a long night, this insominac suddenly felt the need to release her jumbled thoughts before crashing into deep, dreamless sleep.

Either way I’m here—

Precariously hanging out over this cliff, I know I'll ride out the thrill over and over again until I find someone willing to completely let go with me.

Someone to take a jump with me...as we dive, tangled together, into the never-ending Abyss of our Unknown.

To Breathe Again

Learning yoga is like learning to breathe. Literally.

"Ideas in the mind should be material for thought, not merely ideas, just as muscles are useful means of action, not mere lumps of flesh."
- Patanjali's Raja Yoga

...just as the yoga positions are to help you breathe better in everyday life, and not merely to complement the breathing aspect of yoga.

It's a concept that took a while for me to fully appreciate.

When I first started out doing yoga, I was all caught up in getting the positions right and focused solely on coaxing my body into a deeper stretch--the thought that breathing could help me do it better never crossed my mind! I took the breathing process for granted, and the "in, out" cues from my yoga teachers were generally completely ignored.

See, I had yet to realize that there is something really very calming and breathtakingly...beautiful to feel your body move in sync with your breathing cycle.

To have all that energy, all that focus on just one thing only. Your mind on your body.

It's like meditation in motion.

P is for Procrastination

You know a meme is really good when you Procrastinate it for over a week.

See, I’ve always found it somewhat easier to see myself in retrospect. To reflect on what I learned from the Past, creating a bridge of experience to the Present.

Then, it feels like I’ve achieved...Progress.

I ought to confess, last week I googled “7 P’s meme tag” to see if I could be motivated out of this procrastination slump. Apparently, the 7 P’s—like any meme I guess—are supposed to be a list of short definitions explaining how each word relates to me personally.

S’cuse me? Just one sentence?!

I love doing memes and all, but it's a Paradox that revels in screwing me over! I’m a blogger, which means I like to write…

...A LOT. Brevity is rather elusive in my world of words.

Ah, well. I never claimed to be one to follow the rules anyhow.

Erina, Rolando— You two are so Patient, thanks for the tag!

My 7 P’s

PASSION

It’s ironic, almost to the point of embarrassment, how much this word (in the singular form) can scare the hell out of me. When I seek out passion, in myself and in others. When I deem it absolutely necessary to have. When I fiercely believe that life—without our driving passions to flood and magnificently blur the edges—would dull and empty.

Yeah, I find it’s pretty damn ironic when I define who I am by my passions, by being passionate.

Because ask me to define one passion?

I get antsy.

I find it difficult to name one because it feels as if I’d be excluding everything else I've a passion for. However, after looking back, I saw something that has stayed consistent all through the years. I saw how my passion for people connects everything I've ever been passionate about or for.

Passion is an emotion that should be present in all aspects of life. And for me, passion means being able to give. Whether it’s to my family and friends or to any endeavor I choose to undertake. To have a loving passion and compassion for the girl I was all those yesterdays.

For who I am, today. For the woman I will be, one day.

For all the people I am lucky enough to encounter.

PURPOSE

Yikes, another tough word. It’s like asking, “What is the meaning of life, hm?” It’s always going to be something different for everyone. Yet we all need a purpose. We live purposefully because it gives our actions, choices…meaning.

So, what is mine?

It changes as I grow and develop. With that said, no matter how much I change, I am always the same person.

So, I think the most important purpose to have in life is being true to myself.

PURSUIT

I am always in constant pursuit of the unknown.

I accept that I won’t always find answers. Actually, sometimes I prefer it that way. You know how they say people want what they can’t have. I pursue for a confirmation of my own experience.

I pursue because I’m afraid of missing out on what life has to offer me.

POSITION

Daughter, older sister, friend, student, blogger.

I'd also say girlfriend, but I’m single. I wonder, would it be sort of weird to say future girlfriend, then? Hm, yes. Oh, well. That's who I am...er, will be...for some guy. ;)

PUMMELING

Time.

I really don’t treat it seriously enough. For as much as I attach an importance to time, I value people much more. In the blink of an eye, I can put everything on hold for the moment, a moment that can last anywhere from two minutes to 2 hours. Maybe this is an inherent tendency for procrastinators?

Either way, I never seem to have enough of it.

PROGRESS

Like a turtle, but I don’t mind! Slow as they may be, turtles live long. ;)

PERSONALITY

Extroverted introvert.

Whew!

See why it took me forever to finish this tag?

I like to think that by the time I got to my seventh P, I mastered my tendency to be verbose (hell yeah, did you see how I summed up my personality with only 2 words!). But truthfully, it probably has more to do with being laidback (read: lazy) than anything else...

Well anyhow, I couldn't choose 5 people, like I'm supposed to. But I figured since I already broke the one-sentence "rule" for this meme...what's another???

7 wasn't enough for me, I had to overachieve and torment tag 8 people because my curiosity is sometimes so very demanding like that:

Kath
Dan
Jon
Daniel
Brookem
Brent
Cooper
Kevin

(muahahaha.)

The (Blogger) World Is Not Enough

No expectations. No limits.

Everything (and everyone for that matter) has the potential to become anything. Having seen this proved to me over and over again, I'll even be so bold as to say I'm starting to expect the unexpected. Doesn't the irony of life just slay you sometimes?

It certainly did just that to me.

I'll be honest here, I originally started blogging simply to vent personal woes. And in many ways that hasn’t changed at all. Yet, the whole feel and direction of "The Laidback Buddhist: Makes Her Way Step By Step" has flipped 360° from it's former and admittedly very emo-like title of "Play The Fool: Every Blue Moon."

…I’d like to think that it somehow reflects new direction for me.

Of change that’s taking me beyond anything I ever imagined. I believe that to truly have no expectations, no pre-judgments should be present either. It's all about approaching every opportunity with an open mind.

A professor of mine once said, “We explore when there are no answers.”

I immediately fell in love with her for that one sentence alone (well, besides the fact that she had an excellent taste in clothes). We explore because one answer just doesn’t cut it sometimes. She touched upon why it’s such an exhilarating feeling to learn how to do something new...and to do it well. It’s addictive. How can boredom exist when there’s always something waiting on the horizon to be discovered?

Life knows no bounds.

I always knew that. What I didn’t know was that blogging knows no bounds as well.

EXHIBIT A: MyBlogLog

Ah, that which I dub the MySpace for Bloggers.

(Miki)

I holler over to the next room, “I see you, Miki! You’re not doing work!”

“Wait, how do you see me?”

“My widget just showed that Mikkers visited." I laugh slyly, "You’re on MyBlogLog which means you're not doing work!”

...you understand, of course, that the very fact I knew this meant I wasn’t doing my work either.

(Dan)

You're E V E R Y W H E R E! I find "new" blogs here, and who's already a member? You! I read different blogs I find, and who's in the comments? You again! I guess you do have an addiction, don't you?

EXHIBIT B: Blog Catalog

I finally started showing Blog Catalog a lil' love last week, and it reciprocated tenfold. Partly because there's no limit on the number of friends and communities you can add per day (MyBlogLog maxes out at 15 per day)...so yours truly promptly became akin to something like a crazed social butterfly who just discovered how to use her wings.

Top 5 Favorite Features:

1. Meeting really awesome blogger-friends
2. Categorization and subcategorization of blogs
3. Shout-to-shout feature for the message box
4. Management of which notifications get sent to your email
5. Peer-review/ranking of blogs

EXHIBIT C: Technorati

My ever-diligent dueling partner Dan ought to get an extra point for calling this one.

In this post just six days ago, he noted that I had a Technorati rating of 11 and half-jokingly wrote that he'd try to increase the rating to 15 by the weekend (to garner an extra point in our unofficial duel). Well, the weekend came and went, and I woke up Monday morning to see that that my Technorati authority had jumped to 24 and had 61 blog reactions*!!

Now, do I get a point for exceeding expectations? I mean, this counts as evidence for the theory that sparring improves one's blog, yes?

EXHIBIT D: Importing to Wordpress

Don’t get me wrong. I think Blogger is awesome, and especially user-friendly for beginners experimenting with customization.

But it’s not enough anymore!

Who would've thought this would happen? Certainly not me.

I keep thinking I must have a malfunctioning version of feedburner or something. As my feed count climbs faster than a monkey these days.

And to think I was a tad skeptical when Dan warned me that my blog was growing fast.

So now, I'm in the midst of contemplating a big move over to a self-hosted wordpress account. Today, I imported the bulk of my Blogger posts/comments over to Wordpress and decided that I really like Bluehost for web-hosting (but am open to other suggestions?).

No expectations, no limits.

Right, except I've been educated in the 7 Ways Blogging Is Like Marriage and I think I may be afflicted with a case of pre-wedding jitters...

7 Reasons for Getting My Own Domain:

1. I like the freedom you get from using a self-hosted Wordpress blog
2. ...Wordpress is so very pretty
3. If I continue to blog (which I certainly plan on doing)
4. It's better to make a move now than later for the sake of my BlogCatalog and MyBlogLog communities, Technorati ranking, readers and feed subscribers, and future traffic/linkage.
5. I am a strong believer in the power of BAA!
6. I'm building a community
7. Because Dan will probably give me another one...

Final Verdict?

Blogging has exploded into my life.

It looks like it’s here to stay.

And, I totally owned Dan in link love with this single post. Yarr, score for the Pirate King's daughter!
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*EDIT: Apparently, by the time I finished writing/proof-reading this post and was just about to publish it...my Technorati authority suddenly became 25, with 63 blog reactions. I can't freakin' keep up! Love it.

In Throes of Threes

Did you know? When I was younger, I had a fascination for the number 3. So I must thank Jon for tagging me! It was a pleasure to rediscover the beauty of the threes once more.

...well, until I remembered just how challenging it is to choose to name only 3 things I love or only 3 people who make me laugh (when there are many people who do, including myself). With the biggest challenge being when three seemed too much. Like, "3 Things You Should Never Listen To." I mean, never is such an absolute word. It really made me think carefully about what to say.

With trust in our blogging relationship, I present:

3 things that scare me

1. Dinosaurs (yes, I am aware they are extinct...)
2. Swimming/snorkeling in the ocean (est. April 2003)
3. Falling in love

3 people who make me laugh

1. My mother
2. Jon Stewart
3. Dan

3 things I love

1. Eating slowly
2. Tom & Jerry cartoons
3. Randomly sharing a smile with a passerby

3 things I hate

1. Hypocrisy
2. Fascism
3. Limpfish handshakes

3 things I don’t understand

1. Deliberate ignorance
2. How to Rhumba (uhm, point-to-toe heel when?!)
3. Religious bigotry

3 things on my desk

1. Knitted cupcakes made by Miki
2. A framed photo of my younger sister
3. My well-worn copy of Pride & Prejudice that I read in the 7th grade

3 things I’m doing right now

1. Re-discovering who I am, who I want to be
2. Successfully stopped biting my fingernails (going on two weeks!!)
3. Forgiving certain people for their actions, prejudices, and grudges (against me).

3 things I want to do before I die

1. Sing karaoke in public
2. Be a grandmother
3. Use half of my retirement money to build an after-school program for inner-city kids

3 things I can do

1. Strive to be as strong as my mother
2. Encourage my curiosity
3. Salsa dancing (I cheated, this could also go under "3 things I love")

3 things I can’t do

1. Not wear my heart on my sleeve
2. Be satisfied with an easy answer
3. Unclutter my blog layout (due to an affliction of widget lust and list-making frenzies)

3 things I think you should listen to

1. Intuition
2. Hopeful aspirations
3. Classical Chinese and Folk music (and modern interpretations of it as well)

3 things you should never listen to

1. Anger-driven impulses
2. Advice before forming your own opinion
3. Biases

3 shows I watched as a kid

1. Saved by the Bell
2. PBS channel
3. Bill Nye the Science Guy
   

I hereby throw these threes to:

Kyla
Miki
Rolando
Erina
Brandy

The Art of Memory¹

Human memory fascinates me.

Over the summer whenever my brain needed to recover from reading Dialectic of Enlightenment, I always stole a chicklit from my sister's room. One week she was reading Season of the Witch. And, unduly judging the book by its cover, I was doubtful of it being worth my time.

But besides needing a break from reading heavy philosophy, I knew Kim had tastes for chicklit that ran deeper. So, I gave it a shot one night when my mind was being restless. One cannot (I repeat CANNOT) read Horkheimer & Adorno in ADD-like fragments...train of thought gets lost and ended up re-reading a lot. I think it took me 30 minutes to even get past 5 pages that night.

Anyhow. As per usual, I was pleasantly surprised by her choice.

The book places a huge emphasis on the human mind, specifically on memory as a muscle. A muscle that has been deteriorating throughout the centuries as we become more and more dependent on technology to help us remember things. I understand you could argue that in this day and age we have sensory overload with all the things our mind has to process daily so we need to depend on our gadgets and whatnot. But haven't we evolved to be a little bit too dependent? I mean, what about the Greeks who had to remember verbatim what an orator said in order to pass the knowledge on to the public?

I can't even begin to imagine being able to quote a whole lecture from a professor. Or even a brief passage from Shakespeare--I mean, I could if I tried...but it'd be all short-term, you know? This is a gal who will take a voice-recorder to class when the professor goes really fast (or when there's a likelihood of dozing off).

Either way, having been really inspired by what I had read, I'm working on expanding and toning my memory. To flex that particular muscle more often. For the record, I've noticed an improvement from compiling The Quote Books I and II with my sister. When we discuss quotes you naturally want to be able to recall and credit it correctly.

Or if quotes aren't your thing (insert shocked gasp) you can practice with Pi, as my new dueling partner² has recommended. Personally, I think it was put best when he wrote about the benefits of such self-improvement in The Pleasures of the Mind: "We can achieve whatever we desire, if we put our minds to it."
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¹Natasha Mostert, the author of Season of the Witch, recommended a book by Frances A. Yates called The Art of Memory. It's on my must-read list now.
²Why are we dueling? I've no idea. But it's so on.

This Is The 10-Year Start

Granted it's hard enough living out those yearly resolutions (or living up to yearly forecasts). Ha! Well, try doing a 10-year one. I know, sometimes completing a daily To-Do List is complicated enough, so why jump to 10 years all of a sudden?

All because I read what Katharine Hepburn said "Wouldn't it be great if people could get to live suddenly as often as they die suddenly?"

Only I don't quite agree.

I wouldn't be so quick to think it that great. Call me morbid or pessimistic or whatever but no matter how sudden death is, one can be damn sure it's permanent. Whereas to suddenly live an epiphany is not...so continuous.

These passionate and appreciative moments always come and go in bursts. Bursts to live for (literally). For me, to live 'suddenly' is one thing while to continue to do so is much more deserving of the epithet 'great.'

This is beacuse in Chinese culture (or at least, as taught in the household I grew up in), a person's life is viewed in 10-year cycles, usually alternating the good and bad. Not every decade is going to be easy-sailing, but neither will it stay forever in the dumps. And if you pay attention, like correct any personal failings you may have and perservere wisely in shaking out a rough patch...you could very well end up successfully riding out each 10-year cycle with the maximum benefits.

Sweet, right. Although really easy to forget when seemingly insurmountable obstacle after obstacle is thrown at your feet.

I'm wondering, "Wouldn't it be great if I had more of that faith my mom has in my next (current) 10 year cycle?"

Maybe it's like losing weight slowly, you confront yourself in the mirror every day and don't see any discernable progress (and some days see regression!), but other people notice the difference....

Oh, this decides it! I'm the harshest self-critic, and in all likelihood, the most blind as well.

Philosophically Speaking

HYPOCRISY is one of my ultimate pet peeves, like *insert shudder* limpfish handshakes. I relish in finding paradoxes, but hypocrites...a big no-NO.

So am now working on correcting this dastardly realization in myself.
Damn you sudden epiphanies!

Which led to a surprisingly lively drive to re-think (expand upon?) my "laidback buddhism." Apparently, yours truly overlooked the Confucian and Daoism philosophies, taught indirectly to me by my father. Buddhism to me is more a way of life, a personal thought process...as is Confucucian and Daoist thought. So, I'm working on somehow meshing it all together. I'm very curious as to what I'll end up terming it b/c right now, I'm very partial to the name of Laidback Buddhist.

I mean, intellectual vanity aside, it is rather accurate.

And apparently there's ALSO this whole yoga philosophy that I haven't even tapped in to yet (currently reading up on the 10 different yoga schools of thought...seriously, TEN?!!). After absorbing this new information, I will then be able to proclaim to be a true student of yoga!

You know, rather than keeping up yoga for physical vanity's sake.

On a side note, I read Sun Tzu's The Art of War today. Maybe his thinking will help me lose less devastingly to my dad when we play Go.

Ya think??

I Pledge to Be Lazy (Buddhism for the Laidback Sort)

It’s official. I have failed as a Buddhist.

This sad but true revelation came the other day while shifting through old papers around the house. I found this short leaflet of Buddhist teachings, which began with “The Buddhist Precept.” And, just my luck, it was in ENGLISH! Meaning I didn’t have to guess (usually wrongly) at the periodic characters I am too lazy to look up in the Chinese dictionary.

It’s really short and comprised only of 5 basic principles. So I thought that it ought to be quite easy to do for I grew up in a (more or less) Buddhist household. Shaolin monks were my childhood action heroes!!!

Well, you can imagine how dismayed I was (utterly heartbroken!) to discover it just wasn’t meant to be.

You’ll understand by reading the 5 pledges yourself…

The Buddhist Precept

1. We pledge not to kill living things. Nope can do, what about bees? House ants? And, pesky gnats? That whole gnats thing is especially unfair—I mean really, it’s not my fault the idiots run into my shirt and die!!! The most I can do is pledge not to kill those living things which don’t first encroach on my territory or personal vicinity. Oh wait, what about fishing? And, eating fish! Am I really to go without spicy chicken kabobs? No more baby back ribs!? …shoot, I forgot that true Buddhists are vegetarians, aren’t they?

2. We pledge not to greedily take what has not been given. Yes! I can do that! After a shaky start, all is not lost. I’ll even be an overachiever and add to it: I pledge to appreciate what has been given, regardless of whether or not I’ve accepted it. Gee, I hope that makes up for my carnivorous tendencies.

3. We pledge not to indulge ourselves in licentious acts. HAHA. I’ll be an impertinent sass by claiming morals vary by individual and that it’s not only better but practical that I pledge not to perpetually OVER-indulge. Don’t worry, I’ve already pledged to have good judgment! ;)

4. We pledge not to speak untruths. Tough. Those Buddhist monks are tricky, making everything so black and white—what if a girl happens to take pleasure in her safer grey shades? Fine, I’ll say it all depends but shall vouch to be compromising and tactful. I can, however, pledge wholeheartedly not to ever deny the truth (you might think this part sounds easy, but it’s not! Take me for example, obviously am a non-Buddhist in denial here, but try to keep that on the d.L. will ya?).

5. We pledge not to drink intoxicants that lead to delusion. You mean no wine and no fun mixed drinks? Oh, hell no. Say it ain’t so, I’m about to turn 21 very soon! You Buddhist monks are cruel, cruel, cruel.

So, you see? I believe that amounted to only…um, 1.75(?) out of 5.

In words, that pitiful number equals not good. Not good at all! I mean, even the question mark itself seems rather dubious.

If my grandmother gets wing of this, she’ll promptly disown the no longer beloved yours truly. And, my fourth aunt will revive her fervor to convert me to Christianity completely by sending me yet another copy of The Divine Purpose Living.

Ah, the future is bleak.

However, I managed to swiftly overcome my tragic and merciless heartbreak. And, I started to wonder… Is it possible to give these ancient guidelines a make-over?

You know, entirely for modernity’s sake, of course.

The (Jo-lightened) Version for the Laidback Buddhist

1. Life is short—we pledge not to take things so seriously. Newly added, this is the most important one.

2. We pledge to eat a diverse array of meat and seafood so that we fairly treat all living things EQUALLY. Oh, and we pledge to kill gnats, too.

3. We pledge to take only what has been given. Appreciation gets you brownie points.

4. We pledge not to perpetually over-indulge. Of course, inherent good judgment implied.

5. We pledge to speak the truth, albeit tactfully. Overcoming denial is the first step to accepting we’re all crazy.

6. We pledge to drink (moderately, of course) for good health and to even better living. This is personal favorite.

Now surely, I’ve found my branch of Buddhism—for most of all, I pledge to be happy.



(Okay, okay! Permission to dub yours truly a lazy Buddhist. Am guilty as charged.)